<p>As I become more “mature” I’m receiving invitations to wedding and baby showers for daughters of acquaintances - young women who don’t know my name and whom I could not pick out in a line up. I know, what goes around comes around, so I can’t expect the moms of these girls to come to my own daughter’s shower (whenever that may be). </p>
<p>Do y’all go to these? If not, do you send a gift?</p>
<p>My question would be why should you be expected to attend the shower(s) of someone you don’t personally know, and conversely, why should you expect people your daughter does not know to come to her shower(s)?</p>
<p>No, I don’t go to those. I may send a card but not more than that. I guess it also depends on how much of an acquaintance they are.</p>
<p>No, I do not go to showers for people I don’t know or hardly know.</p>
<p>If I knew the bride as a child, because these are long-standing friends and their children are contemporaries of mine, I might go. Otherwise, no.</p>
<p>No, I wouldn’t go to any event where I don’t know the host. If it is for a very good friend’s children, yes, even if I don’t know the children that well.</p>
<p>I would go if I was good friends with the mother even though I may not recognize the child. Or maybe even if I worked with them. I have not been invited to a shower for someone who is merely an acquaintance and I didn’t know the child. If I did, I would not attend. I wouldn’t care that it wouldn’t “come around” when it was my childn’s turn because I wouldn’t be inviting someone like that.</p>
<p>Send a nice card if you absolutely feel you must acknowledge the event. You are not obliged to send anything ‘substantial’…but do please RSVP with your ‘no, thanks’. It’s tough planning a party if you don’t know who’s coming!</p>
<p>Depends on how well I am friends with the Mother. I usually will not attend the shower, but may give the women I am friends with a gift to pass onto the daughter depending on how well I know the Mother.</p>
<p>If the mother is a very good friend, I <em>might</em> go, especially if I knew the girl at some stage in her life. If merely an acquaintance, no. I’d just send regrets.</p>
<p>I usually assume good intentions, but this is one case in which it sounds as if greed is the motivator. I think that wedding showers often get completely out of hand, with people expecting gifts more appropriate to the wedding itself. I really think that showers ought to be confined to friends of the couple and close relatives, if they are held at all. (People who have been living on their own for a while ought to already have the little stuff that people would give as shower gifts. NOT place-settings of silver or china. Those are wedding gifts. )</p>
<p>As for baby showers, acquaintances can <em>choose</em> to send a gift if they receive a birth announcement. They shouldn’t be extorted at showers. Call me Scrooge. :D</p>
<p>A friend of mine got married about 9 years ago – her wedding shower was literally filled w/friends of her mother-in-law. Friend was a quiet person who didn’t have a huge circle of friends of her own (her own mom was quiet too); I think the mom-in-law (wealthy, very social) wanted to make it festive & (actually) celebrate her son’s upcoming marriage this way. </p>
<p>I’d also agree that it would depend on the closeness of the rel’p w/the mom. If not close, a card with a thoughtful note would be okay, I’d imagine.</p>
<p>It’s probably awkward for everyone - let’s say the shower hostesses are all from a book club in which the mom is a member - some are closer than others, but if they invite half the book club, they feel like they need to invite the whole book club, which leads to the situation described, where some of the invitees don’t even know the young lady being honored. </p>
<p>Of course, the worst ones (that I feel no qualms in declining) are where you’re invited to the wedding shower, but not to the wedding.</p>
<p>I agree about there being “shower” presents and “wedding” presents. Years back, a pretty good friend of mine only registered for really expensive stuff - Waterford crystal, sterling, etc. Since she was a friend, I naturally wanted to attend the shower. I bought one of the things from her registry, but I did not buy a wedding gift later on.</p>
<p>I’ve honestly never received an invitation to a shower for someone I didn’t know well. Maybe it’s a regional difference but it doesn’t happen here. All of the showers I’ve been to in recent years, both wedding and baby, have been for daughters or sons of longtime friends. When my D was married last year, the only friends of mine invited to her shower, and to the wedding, for that matter, were friends who had known her since she was a child, and some, since she was born. And to invite someone to a shower and not the wedding is just downright tacky.</p>
<p>I only go if the mother of the honoree is a very close friend. Otherwise, a note of congratulations is sufficient.</p>
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<p>But in those situations, it is rarely the bride or her family that is to blame. To use the book club analogy again, the book club member hostesses may choose to invite the whole book club to a shower, but that doesn’t mean the book club members are even on the bride’s radar screen when she makes her own invitation list.</p>
<p>And of course, there are many showers I’m sure I’ll attend in the future for children of dear friends, whose children don’t know me. There are people at work with whom I’ve swapped kid stories/accomplishments since our kids were born. I would have no problem attending a shower for those kids.</p>
<p>missypie, again maybe it’s a regional difference. In my experience, no one would have a shower without consultation with the mother of the bride and/or the bride herself. Guestlists are always discussed so that this type of problem can be avoided. The only exception I’ve seen to this would be if the wedding were to be a family only affair, or a destination wedding where only a small number are attending. Then friends will often have a shower so that they can celebrate the wedding even though they are not going to be there for the ceremony.</p>
<p>On the other hand, it is very common around here to be invited to and attend a shower for a young woman you don’t know or barely know.</p>
<p>If the groom-to-be was a close friend of your child and/or the groom’s parents are close friends of yours, you could very well be invited to a shower for his fiance, who might be someone from far away or someone from the local area that you barely know.</p>
<p>Of course, it’s up to you whether you choose to attend or not. It’s an invitation, not a summons. However, if it’s a shower for the fiance of a longtime friend of my son’s or for the person who will be marrying a close family friend, I am probably going to attend, if possible, or if not, send a gift.</p>
<p>If you are good friends with the mom, go to the shower and have fun. If you want to just send a card, put in a favorite recipe.</p>
<p>Although I didn’t understand it at the time (why my mother’s friends, who I barely knew if at all) were at my bridal shower, now I think she wanted to share her pride and joy with her friends. She/we didn’t have a lot of extended family nearby, so I think her friends played that role for her.</p>
<p>All these years later, I have fond memories of those women who helped my mother plan my wedding.</p>
<p>So, long way of saying, if the mother is a good friend of yours, I would go.</p>
<p>I don’t have any hard and fast rules about these things. There have been a few times when I’ve gone to one of these because I know so many of the ladies who are invited, though I am not within the inner circle of the mom, nor do I know the young lady well. I will certainly want to go to some old friends’ daughters’/sons’ celebrations, to share the joy with these friends even if I do not know the kids well at all. However, if I really have no desire to go to the event, I simply decline. </p>
<p>Heck, when I think about it, I’ve gone to showers and other events for people I don’t know at all, just because of some remote connection and because I knew people going or just as a courtesy invit of some sort. But I don’t think a long time whether I’ll go or not. if I want to go for whatever reason, I do. Otherwise, I don’t.</p>