<p>Question, say you’re invited to a wedding and the bachelor/bachelorette parties that goes with it…</p>
<p>If you spend say… three hundred bucks on the parties, would that influence how much you spent on your wedding gift? Or do you consider them separate entities?</p>
<p>I’m trying to imagine how I would spend $300 on a bachelor/ette party, unless I were the host.</p>
<p>But I freely admit that I don’t understand the phenomenon, and have never been to one.</p>
<p>The party was a three day weekend at the beach with 12 people.</p>
<p>Oh, I see. :)</p>
<p>Well, to me, I would look at them all separately. If I couldn’t afford to do the weekend, or just really did not want to spend the money, I wouldn’t go. If I did go, I would regard it as just a fun, celebratory weekend with friends vs a direct wedding expense.</p>
<p>I think you should give a wedding gift that is as generous as you can afford and feel comfortable with. </p>
<p>I have an allergic reaction to an excess of wedding-related events that demand a lot of expense on the part of friends and family. Of course, excess is in the eye of the beholder. If I had been subjected to a round of engagement parties with gifts, showers with gifts, bachelorette parties for which I was expected to pay, travel expenses, hotel expenses, and so forth, I think I would be feeling pretty broke! :D</p>
<p>I think that how one feels about these things has a lot to do with one’s relationship with the couple. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>Thanks a bunch</p>
<p>I would probably give a smaller than usual wedding gift if I had already spent that much.</p>
<p>For my D’s recent rounds of various weddings, including her own, there was an unspoken understanding that people could only do so much. I think that the get-togethers meant more to them than stuff, so some people (especially those that were traveling), cut down on presents, valuing the time together more.</p>
<p>Consolation, I think the phenomenon is born of the fact that many young folks don’t live near their friends often, so it’s a way to get together. D’s college group, with whom she’s very close, live all over the country. In other years, they all did a girl’s weekend together, but this year, with a bout of weddings, the fact that one bride (not D,) had a hiking weekend as a bachelorette, took the place of that (the other two had nights out with whoever was in the area.) None of them, AFAIK, had engagement parties, and only one had a shower. It was really about friendship, not gifts.</p>
<p>How do you spend $300 on a party that you are not hosting?</p>
<p>garland, that’s the kind of get-together I would enjoy. Sounds very nice. That’s why the relationship is important. Big difference when one actually WANTS to be there. :)</p>
<p>EK, the party was a weekend.</p>
<p>I love the idea of weekend get togethers for exactly what garland said. My friends are spread everywhere and I would probably do something similar for mine.</p>
<p>But I wouldn’t expect them to go crazy on my wedding gift either. I’m just not sure what the normal etiquette is surrounding these gatherings and gifting.</p>
<p>I think you should spend whatever you feel you can afford, if you want to give a gift. My son and fiance have expressly said that they don’t expect gifts, as some people are spending a lot just getting to the wedding. Is there something you could make for the bride and groom that would express your sentiments? A book of favorite recipes or something handmade? The bride and groom will be getting a lot of presents- it’s just the way it is. Don’t feel that you need to spend a certain amount in order for it to be appropriate. Any amount is appropriate, imo.</p>
<p>She’ll know you made the effort to be at the bachelorette party, and that is worth so much!</p>
<p>thanks moonchild</p>
<p>Emerald…it is VERY easy to spend $300 in a weekend if you have to stay in a hotel for three days, buy meals for three days, and maybe go to the spa with the girls. Add in transportation to the bachelorette party…and the cost could exceed $300 easily for a three day weekend.</p>
<p>Fendergirl, get a wedding gift that is within your budget, and that the bride and groom will use. Don’t worry so much about the cost.</p>
<p>thanks. I will go with what I bought today. I was worried it wouldn’t look right and was thinking of supplementing it with money or a gift card. </p>
<p>I dont think EK realized it was a weekend long event.</p>
<p>Yes, the two are unrelated. People who can’t afford the bachelorette weekend should not feel obligated to attend. It’s no different than a destination wedding. People who organize parties that are not convenient or affordable for others to attend can’t expect everyone who would otherwise be there if it were local or less expensive. </p>
<p>A wedding present is based on the relationship with the couple and what the giver can afford to give. </p>
<p>As for multiple showers, engagement gifts etc. anything more than a moderate shower or engagement gift and a wedding present becomes excessive in my mind. In practice, I will bring gifts to parties if I am invited to more than one. As a host, I would not feel right about inviting the same people to more than one pre-wedding celebration.</p>
<p>I agree that the weekend and the wedding gift are not the same thing. If you can afford to, and what to spend the time with your friends then do so and consider it a girls weekend, not as part of the gift. On the other hand, a gift should always be what you can afford.</p>