<p>Am I becoming a hopeless old geezer because I think this is really overboard? My D (she’s 30) is in her college roommate’s wedding (this June). College roommate was in D’s wedding. D called me today from the airport–her plane was delayed so she called to chat. When I asked if she was traveling for work, she said no–she was going to roommate’s bachelorette party, which was in Nashville. No one in the wedding party lives in Nashville. The bride-to-be and 3 bridesmaids live in the DC area. Two other bridesmaids are from the Boston area and my D is currently living in Chapel Hill, NC. D said Nashville was the maid of honor’s idea–she knew someone who had a party there and said it was a great place to go. Has anyone heard of destination bachelorette parties? Is this common? H and I are invited to the wedding in June–can’t wait to see what’s in store. I know I’m being judgmental and I can’t put my finger on why it seems strange to me. </p>
<p>Oh yes; D1 is going to a bachelorette party (is also an attendant in the wedding) in St. John’s in May! I think this is all getting way out of hand. Most of these ladies are around 28 years old, so they’ve been out of college and have had time to establish their careers. </p>
<p>My niece (who lives in Texas) had a bachelorette party in Paris about eight years ago. It actually worked out really well for my two daughters, as D1 was studying abroad in London at the time, and D2 happened to be visiting her then, so they both got to go. Again, she was probably around 30 when this happened and all of her friends were in very well-established careers and could afford it (although I’m pretty sure my brother ended up footing a lot of the bill while they were in Paris). Interestingly, the wedding was immediate family only - moms/dads, siblings/spouses, and two grandparents. And yea, the marriage only lasted about five years.</p>
<p>Should have also added - while this seems a bit out of place of what’s been traditional for bachelorette parties, guys have been having extravagant bachelor parties for a long time. So perhaps the ladies are just playing catch up.</p>
<p>Definitely not common IMO. The most common bachelorette parties that I’m familiar with are a night of bar hopping or something similar near your hometown… and the attendees are whoever you want to invite in the area.
IMO, it’s pretty ridiculous to ask people to travel for a bachelorette party like that, but to each her own. </p>
<p>DD was in a wedding. None if the bridesmaids lived in the same city. Everyone (minus one) would have needed to travel if a place where someone lived was chosen. SO…they picked a fun place…and everyone traveled. They found a place served by southwest so that all could try to get inexpensive airfares. </p>
<p>Agree with comments upstream. The guys have been having huge bachelor parties for years. DH was invited to several where he had to pay for a ticket to attend. Some were in Vegas, or another destination. No one batted an eyelash at those.</p>
<p>When I was a young un the men went out for a last fling. Most of the guys went to a strip club or other such. Mr. Ellebud was taken out for a really nice dinner with wine sampling. (And I know because we were invited to join for dessert.</p>
<p>My son is going on a three day cruise to Mexico (?). My future dil is going to the wine country for sampling and spa. Others have gone to Vegas, New York, spas and on and on.</p>
<p>When our generation got married we had: colors, matching dresses and one shower. Now we have themes (I thought the theme was “we’re getting married”…silly me. Destination weddings…we are going to two this year…and party favors…and candy bars…and…tiaras. (Thank God my dil and daughters won’t wear a tiara.</p>
<p>Oh, and my son’swedding is considered “small”. Uh…no 155 people isn</p>
<p>I’m not aware of this being common at all, but I do know someone who is doing it. We are Detroit area and one of my bridesmaids is in another wedding a couple weeks after mine, and those girls are actually going to Nashville as well for the weekend for that girl’s bachelorette. I think only a couple girls are going, not even the whole bridal party. My friend is excited to go but not thrilled with the whole idea… it’s not cheap.</p>
<p>I’ll tell you what, though, when my 40 year old friend found out about my plans to have my girls over to my house for pizza and movies, she was disgusted and wanted us all to go to Chicago for the weekend instead-- so it’s not just the young girls apparently. </p>
<p>Destination hen parties are very common here in Britain - Prague, Paris, Amsterdam, etc Yep, wedding craziness is international. </p>
<p>Wow, I hope all of the folks involved have healthy bank account. My niece & nephew-in-law had all her events in Honolulu, where both she and the groom live. The most extravagant thing was a lovely reception at a country club, which everyone enjoyed. As it was, she tried to help find lodging for their friends who were flying in to their wedding, but many had family to stay with so it worked out. My sister & BIL also had a very modest, in Honolulu pre-wedding events. Am not aware of these destination pre-wedding bashes, but I guess it sounds like they are happening.</p>
<p>I sure hope our kids aren’t into these destination pre-wedding parties. It seems needlessly pricey. As I recall, it was important to save money for our home, so we could have the smallest mortgage possible, which turned out to be very important as raising kids and educating them is VERY expensive. The sad thing is that it would eliminate participation by folks of more modest means.</p>
<p>My D got married last weekend (!!!). Most of her bridesmaids live out of town, so there was one weekend in February (actually, the weekend right after Valentine’s Day) when most of her wedding showers (she had a total of three), several dress fittings for the girls, and her bachelorette/lingerie shower were held. For the bachelorette party, her maid of honor orchestrated things via e-mail with the other bridesmaids, assigning everyone a food item or two and some other “projects” to bring (they made my D a scrap book). It was held at my D’s home (she and I did some cleaning beforehand and the girls decorated). A good number of her close local friends came…they had the lingerie shower and played a cute game where the MOH had asked “newlywed game”-type questions of the groom where he had to guess what his bride would say. </p>
<p>It was all very fun and cost was kept way, way down. I am quite sure my D would not have had it any other way…</p>
<p>The big kiddo and the little kiddo gathered a few girlfriends and flew to Vegas for a weekend. There was no formal “party”, but they surely had fun. Both paid for the trip with their money/air miles. No one was pressured to go, and flights from SEA to Vegas are fairly inexpensive. I believe they all camped out in the same suite.</p>
<p>Well, I’ve probably established my bonafides as a grinch on this subject long since. 
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<p>I find most showers, expensive bachelor[ette] parties, et al distasteful. One CC poster reported that her D and friends went on a nice hiking/camping trip together. That, or something like it that is lowkey and inexpensive, strikes me as a nice thing to do.</p>
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<p>Right? I thought it was just me thinking that!</p>
<p>Anyway, D has been in a couple of weddings and gone to a few bachelorette parties. Definitely not her thing - especially since several guests seemed to be quite sick at the end. She is not a “dancing on the tables” kind of girl!</p>
<p>She may choose to have a destination wedding for the main reason that that she could keep it small. If it were held at home, she would be under a lot of pressure to have a big, grand type of event (his family is quite large and “party oriented”. He is not, but that doesn’t matter to his mother!) I think his mother knows about the destination idea and supports it (surprisingly!) but not sure if she knows about the limited guest list plan. LOL, I guess we will find out in time!</p>
<p>My kids are probably a decade or more away from marriage and I sure hope these wedding “traditions” circle back to some sense. </p>
<p>Sounds like fun to me. If it is optional, why not have a fun girls only trip to bond? Often times, bridesmaids are old friends that you haven’t seen for a long time. In a busy wedding you wouldn’t have much time to chat… the bridesmaid trip serves as a reunion and a chance to reconnect before the wedding.</p>
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<p>Honestly, despite stories, this is NOT the norm. Small, low-key weddings and parties are still the norm. The average wedding is still under 20k with everything included. </p>
<p>Plus, even if large extravagant weddings were the “norm” (which they’re not), couples don’t have to follow the trend. My bachelorette party is going to be going to wine/beer tastings along the peninsula where I’m getting married in northern MI a few days before the wedding. </p>
<p>D just got back from a bachelorette in Savannah last weekend. There were 18 young women and they all traveled from other cities. D was able to participate because she could drive, pick up a sorority sister in Atlanta, and the rental for the house was not too expensive. She’s not in that wedding party and won’t be attending the wedding this summer.</p>
<p>She is in a wedding on Long Island on Labor Day weekend and will not be participating in that bachelorette because just participating in the wedding is going to be quite expensive (more than 2 months of rent) with 3 days of hotel, bridesmaids dress, etc. The cost of the spa weekend for that bachelorette was not too much less than participating in the wedding and she just had to tell the bride that it was not in her financial cards.</p>
<p>She’s been lucky, living in Nashville, that several friends have chosen to return to their college home to celebrate and she could participate without traveling. A few others have been in the Charleston and Hilton Head area, again allowing her to participate on a reasonable cost basis.</p>
<p>For her peer group, these parties are the norm. She has become so frustrated with the cost of participating in weddings (she declined being a bridesmaid at a destination wedding last September because of significant cost) that she thinks when it’s her time, she’ll just have the bridal party come in a day early and plan a festive party at the wedding destination on Thursday night, rather than plan something as a stand alone event.</p>
<p>Bromfield2,
Nashville is a fun place for this kind of trip. Tell you D & friends to look into a NashTrash tour as part of their weekend. They book up fast and it may be too late, but D wants me to do one with her some weekend when I visit because she had such fun on the one they did a year or so ago for a bachelorette. I figure they must be fun if someone who has been in Nashville for almost 10 years thought it was such a hoot. They have great restaurants there and the girls can have a fun night out on Broadway on foot visiting the various honky tonks.</p>
<p>Romani, are you doing one of those wine tours? I guess it’s becoming quite the popular thing to do. Went wine tasting last summer and there were lots of buses coming and going. I don’t remember when the wedding is but sign up for upnorthlive deals. I kinda remember a wine tour deal but they have had a catamaran sunset cruise special a few times this winter. One of my neighbors did it and said it was really fun. </p>
<p>My daughter’s wedding shower was near our home town, at a tea room, followed by a “beachlorette” sleepover at the beach about 15 minutes from the tea room. All of the girls, except the MIL and SIL, are from our home town. There was only one shower, and we supplied our beach house! </p>
<p>My son, on the other hand, has been going to weddings and bachelor parties lately, and the last bachelor party was in Austin. Expensive to rent the house and eat out, but the guys are all around 28 and that’s what they do. They are in finance. Most of them live in NY or Atlanta. </p>
<p>Weddings have become big business, and everything that surrounds them has, too. But, like everything else, it’s up to the couple to choose. And since my oldest son will be getting engaged next week, I will learn to reserve judgment, and be the kind of mother-in-law I would want, and was lucky enough to have. </p>