I sent you a message but wanted to add a school here that I think might be helpful to any other rowing families reading this in future who are looking for quality academics without some of the crazy extra pressure that is perceived at Andover/Exeter, etc…
Brooks School has a gorgeous boathouse right on its lovely campus. The school is very supportive of the rowing program. And it is very easily accessed by Boston Logan Airport. Definitely worth a look!
I give a hearty second to Brooks which isn’t often mentioned here (thanks, @cheerfulmom). We lived in N. Andover for ten years where many of the neighborhood kids were day students. Our neighbor’s three girls attended, two rowed (youngest at coxswain) and babysat for infant DS. All of these kids loved their experience there. My impression of the school from the students/families we knew was that it was challenging, warm, welcoming, and inclusive. We moved to AZ when DS was two, but still keep in touch with that neighbor family. Each of those daughters went on to fine colleges and careers. In fact, the oldest and her husband lived/taught at Kent for many years. Brooks deserves more consideration than this forum would suggest.
@S_A should also carefully evaluate the family’s request for financial aid in relation to each school and consider whether the daughter is someone for whom each school is likely to use its limited financial aid budget.
Unlike many top colleges, most independent schools (other than PEA, PA, Groton and Deerfield) are NOT need-blind, and asking for too much aid will lead to a rejection or waitlist rather than an underwhelming aid package.
The outcome could be different though if the student is or ends up being actively recruited for crew.
Another vote for Brooks!
My opinion, fwiw, is that you want to find a place where your D will be able to have the bandwidth to shine as academics is not what she’s leading with. (For others reading, those same schools often have great paths for stellar students. But the OP is looking for schools where “amped up” isn’t a basic expectation.) I suspect a few on your list may be a challenge on that front, but schools rarely accept students who won’t be able to do the work - if they’re willing to work - so cross that bridge at revisits after M10.
OP, Mercersberg has a reputation for being very familiy-like and friendly. Based on your original post, it’d have the friendly vibe you’re looking for. SAS is very tight knit. It’s been a few years since I knew anyone there, but the families there raved about their experience.
Your additions are good ones!
Another vote for Brooks, I know a family with two recent grads and they were very happy there.
Also if you are going to consider schools without crew, take a look at Williston! My son does theater and theater tech there and they have a lot of seniors this year, not as many underclassmen. My son is actively telling the admissions office to admit more theater kids, lol.
Thank you @cheerfulmom I greatly appreciate your insights as your situation mirror’s ours somewhat. We are definitely expanding our list and that list will include Deerfield. Interestingly, Deerfield is the most popular BS that kids from our current school matriculate to and from requesting recs there has been a lot of “Why aren’t you applying to Deerfield” from teachers and admin. Apparently there’s some administrative familiarity there… or something, which is interesting because the two schools couldn’t be more different in many ways. we will check out Brooks as well.
@cinnamon1212 We are definitely open to schools without crew. She understands that she might not get everything she wants in one school. As it is she has one too many sports and understands that she will have to drop at least one maybe two depending on how competition seasons and her other interests play out. She would prefer if that sport was swimming 
over crew or field hockey (Interestingly she finds swimming to be the most physically and socially challenging. I thought that would be rowing/crew).
@gardenstategal I’M the one that’s impressed with buttoned up. My daughter will go to class in crocs and pajamas if that’s an option. In fact her biggest reservation with Deerfield was how buttoned up and traditional it came across in general hence her comment about the ‘vibe’. she had no real issue with the school otherwise but felt like it would be a bridge too far in culture change. Her current school, that she has attended since kindergarten has a very loose, barely enforced dress code (no uniforms) which is an anomaly for a private school in our area. We have the everything from the kids that only wear black with interesting hair color choices to the ones that choose to wear a collared shirt and blazer daily. The school is very big on not limiting how the kids choose to present themselves (PTA has asked for uniforms numerous times and failed) and allow them to “come as they are” within some very wide parameters (no offensive print on clothing, nothing overly revealing, no hats, no politics… I think that’s it). This is a thread that runs through a lot of aspects of the school. It is very progressive, for Texas at least.
For some reason she didn’t seem to have that same reaction to Kent, maybe its the lack of ties or the allure of the rowing program. While she lives in athleisure and her sportswear (and yes sometimes pajamas) she doesn’t mind dressing up, but doing it daily will be a real adjustment for her in wardrobe and mentality. She will need to get over that as most private schools simply don’t operate like her current one does when it comes to presentation.
@ridleyroo Thank you for the tip! Its hard to think of ways to uniquely stand out in this process. I’ll let her know to highlight her interest in Technical theater more. Her school has very good photography, Video production and Technical theatre elective programs and she definitely has strong participation in those. She can act and was in a couple of school productions but she definitely has a strong preference for directing and getting in the technical weeds of the production itself vs acting. We looked into Peddie and were very interested in it but took it off the list when we shortened it to three schools. We will add it back and will apply, as it was the one school we very seriously considered in NJ. proximity to NYC, a few airport choices and Broadway being a very major plus. We will look into Blair as well.
@RB2010 Thanks, for some reason didn’t consider flying to Philly instead. I forget how close the Northeast states are to each other in real terms. We can drive for 8 hours in most directions and still not leave the state 
Thank you all for your comments; I’m so glad I posted, this has been very helpful. There seem to be many great schools we didn’t consider/know about and I’m glad this forum exists. Searching from a distance can be difficult because one lacks the regional knowledge and has less anecdotal knowledge of the nuances between schools and has to overly rely on rankings and lists which tend to feature the same few schools over and over again. Your help is very much appreciated.
Deerfield does have a dress code, and IMO, it’s far more constricting for the boys vs the girls. Collared shirts, ties, and blazers. The girls can ‘get away’ with far more in the dress code department. There is no dress code for all students in the winter term.
I wonder if your current school admin asking about Deerfield is partly because they know of your daughter’s interest in crew and Deerfield has a highly successful crew program. Multiple teams race at nationals every year and at least a few times since my kid has attended, their VIII teams have qualified and raced at Henley.
So… You should just check out George School’s website. It is very different from the others - culturally, academic schedule, etc. But it checks all the boxes - from proximity and accessibility to PHL (with lots of service to DFW on American) and NY airports, proximity to NYC, incredible technical theater, and all her sports. As a Quaker school, it values kids with a range of gifts, so she can shine in her way, and because thereis such a commitmentto diversity and inclusion, there are academic paths for students with varying levels of preparation and aptitude. A “culture of kindness” place.
Having said that, if YOU don’t feel great about a school’s values, etc., I think it’s fine to skip it. This comment is really meant for a general audience, but inevitably, over the 4 years, something will happen that will put what you want at odds with the school. It may involve you needing to interact with administration or not. It could be a roommate issue, a disciplinary infraction, a placement issue, a social concern, etc. When that happens, it is enormously helpful if you have faith that you and the school are truly aligned on wanting the best for your child so can hear each other’s perspectives on the issue. That’s a hard place to get to if you believe certain groups are catered to, the rules are ridiculous, etc.
You don’t want your kid at a school they hate – so the advice to follow your kid’s lead is good – but you’re the parent, know your family values, and are writing the checks, so yes, you have a say. Which now, coming full circle, might mean your D would love George, but it may not suit you.
Sure we’ll do. I understand that needing aid makes us a bit less desirable but it is what it is. It isn’t workable otherwise. I’ll accept and respect such rejections.
You make a really important point. I do want my child to be comfortable wherever she lands but I will have final say. It’s good to keep in mind that not all dealings with the school’s administration will be positive or without friction so we’ll need to be aligned on values.
All that said, wow George school reads a lot like her current school. There are some differences but they seem have almost identical values, it’s uncanny.
George and Brooks seem like great options on first impressions alone, but neither came up on any of our searches and we’ve been at this for some time. I wonder why some schools feature so prominently while other very similar ones do not.
We took George off our list once we saw the boarding statistics. 46% boarders and I believe 26% international.
Everyone is different but an important statistic for my child is a school with majority boarders 65% or more and 25% or less international.
I feel these are important statistics to look at to make sure my daughter has a happy and fulfilling experience being away from home.
Something to consider. Indian Springs and Westtown also came off the list because of these statistics.
I wouldn’t worry necessarily about your daughter’s admission chances based on her academics. I would be more worried about the chance that she’ll shirk her academics once she’s at boarding school. In other words, I would only send a kid to boarding school, especially one far away, if she were already a top student and I trusted her to remain so. Think about it: if she gives only a medium effort to academics when living with you, what kind of effort will she give when she doesn’t have you around to see what’s she’s up to? To my knowledge, most boarding schools don’t enable you to see academic progress (or the lack thereof) until the term is over.
I also wonder why you would think academics at East Coast boarding schools would be far better than what she would get at a top private day school in DFW. I imagine rigor is quite high at Deerfield, Choate, Loomis and other schools at that level, but likely not so at schools to which she’s especially likely to gain admittance.
This is important. And it depends on your filter.
Based on our current urban day school experience, we are aiming for 90-100% boarding. We really don’t want our son stuck in an empty dorm at the weekend. A deep sense of community and no commute are two of the factors that are driving this change of schooling.
However, we are international, and also see the benefit of a 10-20% international student body. For my son, that is a nice balance between “they need to accept enough that I can squeeze through the admissions filter” and, like Groucho, not wanting to “join a club that would [too eagerly] have me as a member.” 
So just to throw sometime out there… A school of 300 with 100% boarding and a school of 600 with 50% boarding have the same # of boarders, so the “nobody around on weekends” is the same. That is, if they are around. There are a number of schools that pretty much clear out every weekend – including many with a lot of boarders – so you may want to look at what the weekend activities are, how many boarders go home, and also explore how many day student are on campus weekends. This varies enormously from school to school. And even stats about international students vary. All from one or two countries? From many? And what does that mean to you? And of course, if there are lots of day students, did they all come in together from a lower school and are they welcoming? What is the day-boarding integration? Upsides and downsides? Current students will generally be pretty frank about this, so ask.
I’m not suggesting that families shouldn’t have their criteria – and wanting a vibrant weekend life for students who can’t go home is important! - but the numbers may not fully tell that story. Use that as a starting point in your investigation, not as a conclusion. You may end up back at the same place. Or not!
Very right you are @gardenstategal This leads to another question… how to get an honest answer (from a great distance) regarding whether or not the campus has a robust weekend culture? I seriously don’t know how. But I am certain that every AO will tell me their school does. They don’t lie. But it is subjective. And they are optimists. How can one know? I do think 90%+ boarding, with the vast majority from a great distance, is one way. But that is only a few schools. What about the rest of them?
And, while we are here and I hope @S_A is reading… I was just perusing one of the Kent Quarterly magazines (online) and I came across a mic drop of a gem. Scroll to online page 23 (marked on the scanned paper version as page 21). Steve Gladstone is a legend. That is not hyperbole. I cannot believe they are not promoting this information better. Now I need to call and find out if this is a one year treat, or if he is sticking around. We are so applying!! (Yup, I said we. For him, I will include myself in the application. I will fetch oars. Drive a launch. Anything but don a zootie. That would not be pretty.) Here’s the link: https://resources.finalsite.net/images/v1720444756/kentschooledu/drvq2afgwhih7gkppjmn/KQSpring24NoCN.pdf
We’ve spent the better part of today outside of sports engagements browsing schools and we have made the following decisions so far:
As I said at the very beginning of my post, we are in a good school already. We’ll be fine either way.
Some schools publish their weekend activities schedule where an applicant can access them. Or there will be pics on social media. As a start, if your kid thinks the activities seem lame, it doesn’t matter if everyone else, day and boarding, is signing up.
After you have been admitted (and possibly while you are applying), you can ask to speak to current students. Ask what they do on weekends and who else participates. This is particularly easy if your kid is talking to potential team members, who will not have been selected for the answers they’ll give on this topic. (Actually, I recall that the student we talked to in the lounge while waiting for the interview at one school told us how day students were particularly valued for their driving services - which lead to a whole other conversation that left me anxious about another set of issues!) But my point is that this is an easy conversation topic - vs “do you have robust weekend activities.” Asking how often they leave for the weekend, where they go, etc all are informative.
Also, harder to find out, is what boarders get up to when they leave. Grads of one school with 100% boarding (not on anyone’s list on this thread) were telling me how they’d go to a classmate’s home in Cambridge for the weekends to avoid supervision and get up to all kinds of shenanigans. As a BS alum, you don’t need an imagination to work through that one.
TLDR: Ask questions of the students, not the AO, about activities and you’ll probably learn quite a bit.
Just curious - why only %25 or less international? One of the things my kid likes about boarding school is meeting kids from around the globe.
That school is about 1 hr 15 minutes north of Boston. And it is on our list! That said, I think this scenario could play out at any of these schools. It is good to be aware in advance.
And I love your advice about asking students. Not sure how we do that from here, but we will figure it out.
I think a lot will take place after acceptances. No point in being anxious about a non-possibility. Also no point in turning a possibility into a nope by getting so granular before an offer is made. Don’t want to be that guy.
At our current school, large clusters from a handful of countries stick together in a very siloed way. There is not meaningful integration. When there are only a few students from any given place, those students must branch out and find a wider group of friends. Our son is keenly aware that he will be leaving a place where he blends right in. And heading to a place where he will know no one and might not blend quite as easily. And that’s okay. But if there were a half dozen kids from our city going over with him, he might retreat to his known people. That is not the point of a boarding school.