Hello. I’m 21 and go to school about 4 hours from my home area. I also have a boyfriend who lives 3 hours away in my home area. I transferred up to my school in my junior year. I had trouble with drinking my first semester and my parents took me home to another school so I could live at home, commute, and work on myself. I later found out in my sophomore year that I had a mild form of bipolar, which is hereditary from my father. I have always been close with my family when I was living at home. Except for my father because he has always had issues with communicating. I started my first real relationship about 2.5 months before transferring to the schools main campus. Let’s call him Steve. Steve had an abusive alcoholic step father growing up and so whenever steve is around hard liquor, he gets uncomfortable. Steve also has a music business and works for an environmental company. Steve is a great guy who is sensitive, selfless, funny, intelligent and has a good head on his shoulders. Once I started getting more serious with him, I started spending a lot more time at his apartment (hour away from home). About three weeks before I went to school, my parents started voicing their opinion of Steve. They said he was controlling because I didn’t come around anymore and how he was a loser because he didn’t have a 9-5 job. These comments made me uncomfortable because I didn’t agree with them. I don’t have the same black and white perception of the world. I would get closed off when they would talk badly about Steve, so I wouldn’t want to spend time with them.
My parents have given me everything. Inherited money to pay for college and spending money, car and literally everything.
When I went to school, I had a really hard time with the transition. So i went back to steves apartment more than I should have. My parents were upset about that, which I understand where they are coming from. When they communicated with me they kept insulting and blaming Steve for MY actions. I’ve told them repeatedly not to do that. I make my own decisions. Then they would say I’m brainwashed. They then asked me to see them when I came home. I was reluctant because I didn’t like the negative energy I felt around them. I didnt need to see them, I love them but I don’t want to see them every time I come back to see Steve.
Steve being uncomfortable with drinking has been an issue with my parents. They say he needs to get over it already or just pretened to be okay. Well during thanksgiving break, my whole extended family threw me a surprise party. As soon as I walked in cousins screamed shots!! And it was extremely awkward for me. (Since cutting back on drinking I didn’t want to take shots anymore, and with Steve there I knew he would be having some difficulties.) I seemed off at the party because I knew if I didn’t drink, my family would blame it all on Steve and if I did drink a lot Steve would just be upset( not mad upset, sad and confused upset).
Throughout all the the arguments I’ve had with my parents, they’d say you need to do what makes you happy; do what you want… But when I do, they get angry and say I don’t understand what they are saying. They say “we are the only ones who love you” they constantly bat me down and make me feel inferior.
They started bringing up the money for college and all the things they gave me. With the start of spring semester, I decided to see them when I do come back to see Steve. 2/3 times I saw my family. The 3rd time I did not because it was valentines weekend. And I wanted to have a couple extra hours with my boyfriend.
Well they freaked out. And threatened to cut me off financially. They said I wasn’t making the best decisions so they are stepping in. (I had great grades last semester and I got involved in a club and went out a handful of times with my roommates). They set all these rules for the summer, like I couldn’t stay overnight at steves house during the summer and he couldn’t stay at mine. They called him a pussy and that he changed me.
Me and Steve broke up because all of the negative energy was too much. Having my parents continuously say hurtful things about him behind his back and then smile at him when he was with them was ridiculous. We broke up so I could learn how to grow my confidence and become strong enough to stand up for myself to my family. I literally have a find my friends app on my phone, and if I turn it off, my brother will text me asking me why I did that.
I just am training for a job so I can save money. I will not be threatened with money again because of my life choices. How can I be in a successful relationship if I’m too scared to stand up for myself against my own family?
There is a lot more to the story, but I just want to post this now and add more later.
Any advice would be helpful.