<p>My only child left for college last week. Do any of you have advise on how to cope with this “empty nest” I now face. I find myself crying alot more than normal and I wonder how long this will last. For months I have been telling myself that once my son left it was finally my time to do thing for me and my husband. Now I feel lost.</p>
<p>I know there are others out there right now who are feeling like me. Please share your experiences. I feel like I am the only mom who is sad right now.</p>
<p>Well - first, be assured that this is temporary and WILL pass - you will soon be enjoying very much all of the new, exciting news from your son’s college, and you have a LOT to look forward to. Trust me when I say there are many, many happy days ahead, and you will look back and wonder whatever in the world there was to cry about!</p>
<p>Now, just how “temporary” the sad days are - is entirely up to you. My advice is to take action - ANY action. Sign up for a class, join a gym, go jogging/fishing/skiing, remodel a room of the house, book a flight to some wonderful place you’ve been putting off, start a business, join a topical volunteer movement, apply for jobs, learn a new language - doesn’t matter. Just pick something, or several somethings, and get moving. </p>
<p>I think all moms (and dads) are sad, but, the key to recovery seems to be rooted in self-accomplishment.</p>
<p>I agree with latetoschool. Keep busy. Find some new interests or take up old ones you haven’t had time for with young’un at home.</p>
<p>My sons are both gone now–one left for college a few days ago, and the older one is working in Japan. It is definitely a change. However, with modern technology, it is much easier to keep in touch. I love cell phones and AIM! And it is wonderful to see them sprouting their wings and becoming independent, much as I wish I could keep them around longer.</p>
<p>Think of it as a career change. You are no longer a fulltime Mom (whether working or stay-at-home), although you are still very much needed, as you will discover, if you have not already. What will you do next? A different job, a new hobby, volunteer work to help others? The sadness WILL pass–only to resurface every time he comes home for vacation and leaves again–but it will be a growing time for him AND for you.</p>
<p>latetoschool has it right. Self-accomplishment is the key. You just “finished” a very big and important, multi-year project (the raising of a great kid). It’s only natural that him leaving would create a huge hole of time and energy and leave you emotional. Start looking around for something that you can accomplish, preferably something complex and long-term. Combine that with some new day-to-day activity (my husband and I started swimming and weight-lifting six days a week, a real accomplishment for us because we weren’t very fit) and it won’t be terribly long before your sadness leaves you. I sent my first one off to college a year ago but still have one in high school. I’m already trying to anticipate the emptiness that will really kick in when she goes in two years. I’ll have to add more than working out to my life at that point. Maybe I’ll get a horse!</p>
<p>The first fall is hard. Projects are good…clean out your closet (not your son’s just yet). Plan a trip with your H. Enjoy eating out a little more. Get together a care package to send to your S and a package of cold supplies to send later when he gets sick. Buy some cheerful “hello” cards to send to S. Call some old friends you haven’t seen in a while and plan lunches or dinners. Write some notes to far-flung friends or relatives. Sign up for a class or workshop or try a new hobby. Redecorate your bathroom or kitchen. Subscribe to a news weekly magazine and consider getting the same one for S. I got Newsweek for my D at college, which she loves. We talk about the articles in phone calls sometimes. It can be hard for kids at college to keep up with the news “outside.”</p>
<p>All these new things will give you cheery things to talk about when you write to S. </p>
<p>Do you have a dog? My 14-year-old dog died the fall of my D’s freshman year. The next summer we got a new puppy right before she left to go back to college–her idea and she went with me to pick out the puppy. That was a great move–and the new dog is my dear buddy. </p>
<p>It does get better and you have Thanksgiving and Christmas visits to look forward to. The most helpful thing I have often remembered is advice from a dear friend, re your S being away at college: “This is what you raised him to do.”</p>
<p>My neighbor had this advice. She filled her evenings with:</p>
<ul>
<li>candle-lit bubble baths with hubby</li>
<li>working out in the late afternoons, when she was usually making dinner for her kids</li>
<li>going out to the movies during the week & avoiding long lines/crowded theaters</li>
<li>weekend day-trips with hubby</li>
</ul>
<p>Her empty-nest life resulted in weight loss and a much closer, sexier relationship with hubby. </p>
<p>Good advice from everyone but we went with the new puppy. Puppies are fun and an added benefit is that our college son comes home more often … because he wants to see the puppy.</p>
<p>texastechmom,
I did some of the things mentioned above last year and they helped. I cleaned out closets, redid a bathroom, spent more time with other empty nester friends and more time on internet :). I think it is hardest on moms and particulary stay at home moms. My H.'s life really didn’t change much–he still works his same hours and plays alot of golf (even more since he doesn’t have sporting events to go to at school). For me, my whole life was changed as most of my time revolved around kids, their activities, cleaning up after kids, cooking for kids or volunteering with school or organizations the children were involved with. </p>
<p>I have considered going back to work, but haven’t taken that step yet as it feels “confining”–though with 2 in private schools it probably would be prudent.</p>
<p>Hang in there. Bottom line is you want him to be happy, and if he is you can be too!</p>
<p>Thank you all for your responses. I am doing much better today. I suspect I will have good days and bad days. My S is very happy at college already so this makes me happy.</p>
<p>I just need to find a hobbie and also get back to traveling more with my job. I kind of put all of that on hold while I was waiting to send him off.</p>
<p>The gym is also calling my name as I have been promising myself that I would get back into shape when my son left. I am going to reward myself with a beautiful Cole Haan handbag if I can lose 20 lbs. so I think I have a great incentive.</p>
<p>Thanks again to all of you. I don’t feel so alone in all of this. Have a great week!</p>
<p>It helped that I had signed up for an art history course at our local art museum. The timing of the class was such that I had never been able to fit it in when my daughter was living at home. It also gave me something “new” to think about.</p>
<p>D returned to school today for her second year. (S is older and works in LA.) Even though H and I enjoyed the past year of newly found freedom, I did get a little teary today hugging her good-bye. But I also know that we’ll get back into our comfortable pattern of having a much more flexible pattern of living.</p>
<p>You’ve already received some good advice, so let me just add to it. I would recommend that you and your H pamper yourselves. There’s no need to indulge yourself in every known pleasure, but you now have the opportunity for spontaneity. Enroll in a class, travel (day or weekend jaunts are quite acceptable), curl up with a good book and just eat leftovers for dinner (or even go out to eat!), attend cultural events in your area. HAVE FUN!!! You know your S is going to have fun, so why should he be the only one?!</p>