We have an 8th grade daughter. She loves to dance and has been training and doing dance competitions for the past 6 years. Her level of skills/achievements - usually placed in top 10 at national competitions in Solo’s in contemporary and jazz. We live in southern California so the dance competition is pretty stiff. This past year, she’s gotten into hip hop/funk and have begun to book dance jobs as a back up dancer for 17-20 year singers. She is not represented but has dance instructor and mentor who is big in choreography industry so she refers my daughter for dance jobs. I’m giving you this info. so you can assess her potential and talent level. Our dilemma is she has lost focus and appreciation for academics. She use to be in a academic honors program that is one higher above gate. This past year, she has gotten B’s & C’s at school. The low performance doesn’t faze her. To us, the grades are secondary, the lack of focus and care is worrisome. Her dancing is wearing her out. Her group of dancer peers (great kids and talented) has become a huge focus of her social life. She’s gotten way overboard with appearance and make up…as a dancer, these kids are exposed earlier than other kids to appearance and make up. She can’t stay focus with studying because she is constantly trying to keep up with her social life. As much as tell her the importance of academics, she lacks discipline and focus to study. She thinks that if she can book dance jobs and get paid, she can make a living.
She knows we support her dancing aspirations and all we ask is she places academics equally with her dancing. She has not found this balance. My question to you is how do you motivate a dancer to take academics and college seriously?
Both of my girls were trained as ballet dancers from K-12th. By the time they were in high school they were dancing 15-20 hrs/week. They went to very competitive summer intensive programs. The younger one wanted to quite her highly regarded private school to move to NYC to go to one of those top ballet companies. I didn’t let her do that because I thought academic was more important.
When they were in high school, we had a deal that if their test grades fell below A more than 2 times, they had to stop dancing until they got the next A. My kids were capable of doing A work (if they weren’t, I think I would have adjusted). Their dance instructor (they trained with the same person for over 5-7 yrs) knew of my rules, so the few times when my kids couldn’t make it to class she was very supportive.
My kids also knew they had to do their homework or they couldn’t go to those classes. If they missed too many dance classes then they weren’t eligible to get solos for the recital. Because they love the ballet, it was a very good incentive for them to make sure they were doing well in school. My kids knew I was very serious with my rules and I followed through every time.
Their focus on dance kept them out of trouble. They didn’t date that much in high school and they didn’t have time to party as much other kids. The only night they had enough energy to go out was Fri night, one day they didn’t have class, but they always went to bed early because they had early Sat morning ballet classes.
I don’t think kids know how to balance in the beginning. It is up to us to teach them the balance.
Our D auditioned for and was accepted into a small regional dance company in high school (unpaid apprentice). We told her that if her academics slipped, she would have to drop out of the dance company, which is what happened. (very heavy dance class and rehearsal schedules) By that point she had joined some other activities in high school, so it worked out fine. Realistically, she knew she was not one of the really strong dancers and had no career aspirations along that line – just enjoyed doing it. There was a more casual dance group at her school and she enjoyed dancing and choreographing for them.
She kept dancing on a more moderate schedule through college.
I am a (former) dance parent, but my D knew early on that she didn’t want to dance professionally. She had a couple of friends at her studio who did go that route, who have put their post-HS education on hold because dancing professionally favors the young. Another friend from her studio did go to college and majored in dance, danced a few years professionally, but her plan/goal was to run a dance studio, which is what she is now doing.
Sometimes very talented young people (athletes, models, top-level musicians, etc.) who have to devote a lot of time and energy to their talent do better in alternative high school academic environments. Is that an option?
I am not an experienced dance mom (I am an experienced cheer mom). We are seeing this very thing right now with my D18 and one of her younger teammates. Younger teammate is a very skilled cheerleader who was an outstanding grade school and middle school student but now struggles mightly with academics. Her family is solely focused on making the child the next “cheerlebrity” and is convinced that a cheer scholarship will fall into her lap. That very well may be the case if college admittance were based solely on her talent. Cheer is not exactly a top priority sport at colleges and they are not going to go out of their way to find a place for a cheerleader (a football or basketball or baseball player is a different story) but without the grades to get her in the door she can have talent to the moon but she is still going to have a problem finding a school that will admit her. Of course you can’t talk reasonably with the teammate or her family about it as she head off to participate in a elite tumble clinic or model for some product endorsements this summer when she failed her state testing and should be getting tutored instead. Of course dance in different in that she could very well make a living for a few years now as a dancer but there is going to come a day when he body will fail and her looks will fade and she is going to have to come up with a way to pay the bills.
Kudos to you for seeing that her lack of focus is the real issue (or that her focus on her social life and appearance is troublesome). I suggest that you find a few dancers who have passed their prime dancing years and have them talk to her about the consequences of not having an academic base to fall back on. Of course she can always head back to school/college via the community school route once her body gives up the dance, she has options, but it will probably not be the easiest road to follow if she hasn’t laid the foundations now. Good Luck!
I think it is our job as parents to make sure our children prioritize their academics first. Set the priorities and make sure you follow through and hold her to expectations. Her grades will get her further than her dancing will.
I’d also make sure she is getting a solid ballet foundation. It’s good for not only her dance technique but for discipline and structure which will carry over to other parts of her life, at least in the majority of the dancers I know.
My older sister, now in her mid-70s, has been a dancer her entire life–as in, she actually made a living at it (she’s on the board of a dance company even now). She graduated from Radcliffe in 1963. She did ballet seriously starting at age 5 and took many many classes–but my parents insisted on academics first. Once she graduated, she started her dance career–and has never really had a job that required a college degree. She has commented many times over the years that college was wasted on her; those should have been her prime career development years.
Life has changed a lot since 1963, and certainly education and college have changed more. But I find myself thinking that your daughter clearly has an enormous amount of talent, and she is focusing–but on dance and not on academics. The question I’d ask is “what happens if she takes a year and does alternative academics?” Suppose you do one of the quasi-homeschooling options that’s aimed at kids who are wildly talented athletically and she does well with that AND has time to focus on dance. Would that work?
You know your daughter best, and you know her maturity level. What does she actually want? Does she want to focus on dance? Or does she want to keep her options open for now?
Thanks to everyone for taking time to offer feedbacks and sharing your own experience:
Response #7 - the dance jobs and tours are for summer only and she understands this even if a “great” opportunity opens up during the school year
Response #1 & #5 - In July, we begun scheduling private ballet lessons outside of her dance studio on Saturday morning in order to limit late Friday night movie going sessions, LOL. She is attending a ballet company and taking private lessons with the director and he has impressed on her the benefits of ballet training that will spread over to other parts of her life
Response #8 - she was admitted to a school that has conservatories - singing, theatre, arts and dancing so the school is geared toward training students to balance academics and yet be flexible with their extracurricular activities.
Response #4 - I love your suggestions on helping her visualize what happens after dance and what skills she needs beyond dance to make a living…thank you!
I think ultimately, we need to continue to give her structure and come up with a schedule that will help her stay focus. However, she ultimately needs to find the motivation and discipline to take school seriously.
“After dance” may happen at any moment, as dancers are prone to injuries. Most recover and resume dancing, but some injuries can be severe and/or painful. Every dancer needs to start thinking about Plan B early on!