<p>50 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours, by Justin Racz.
She might recognize her current boyfriend. :D</p>
<p>I’m Okay, I’m Not So Sure About You</p>
<p>I wonder if it’s really a good idea to have her mother discuss the guy with her at all? I remember clearly that anytime my mother didn’t like somebody I was dating, that made them way more interesting. The most I’d suggest is “does it bother you that he’s so critical?” Or she could call the guy on it in front of the daughter and see how he responds—but someone who’s having their first serious relationship as a graduate student might not appreciate an intervention.</p>
<p>The book I’d recommend is The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker—this kind of controlling of weight and physical attributes can be a preview of a controlling relationship, tending toward abuse.</p>
<p>ABCs of Choosing a Good Husband by Steve Wood.</p>
<p>(Religious, but good advice on traits to look for/avoid–he also has ABCs of Choosing a Good Wife for the guys).</p>
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<p>That is why it is important for people to consider what type of person is “right” for them (or wrong for them) before they start dating. Parents should talk to their kids before their kids are old enough to date about what “types” of people they are compatible with. Making a list (see post #13) helps people decide who they should or shouldn’t date (don’t even date people who aren’t a good fit). That way, a person doesn’t get emotionally involved with the wrong kind of person. </p>
<p>Of course, as a person gains some dating experience, there will be more traits to add to both lists.</p>
<p>Does she have a brother who can give her some good feedback?</p>
<p>When my D dated a jerk, her brother torpedoed it with a few well-chosen comments.</p>
<p>Here’s my advice on picking the right H:</p>
<p>Choose a man with a great sense of humor, a strong work ethic, a loving spirit, and a strong conscience.</p>
<p>He’re my WASP Dad’s advice:</p>
<p>“Marry a Jew, they’re good to their women.” 
Worked for me.</p>
<p>And who WILL dance, even if they aren’t great…</p>
<p>citygirlsmom</p>
<p>you make a great point. It reminds me to add: A spouse who will go with you to events that aren’t necessarily his “cup of tea” — such as: your office holiday party, your friends’ weddings, church events, your family’s events, etc. (And you have to be willing to do the same :)</p>
<p>It is amazing how many spouses refuse to “give up a night” to escort their spouses to events. What ever happened to having a “sense of duty” to one’s spouse (and I don’t mean that in a slave sex way.)</p>
<p>I’ve suggested that my D look at those who are kind, honest, and have a sense of humor. And for her, it’s hopeless if he’s not intelligent. Next to those things, looks and money, to pick two “conventional” criteria, mean very little. I’ve suggested that she look at how a guy treats those he doesn’t have to be nice to: children, waitresses & waiters, postal clerks, etc.</p>
<p>CGM, one of the last times I went dancing, the lady said, “You’re very light on my feet.”</p>
<p>Also remember the old adage (which is so true, it’s painful): “Men marry women hoping they will never change. They always do. Women marry men hoping they will change. They never do.”</p>
<p>“I’ve suggested that she look at how a guy treats those he doesn’t have to be nice to: children, waitresses & waiters, postal clerks, etc.”</p>
<p>Insightful advice… Thanks.</p>
<p>Yes!!! But also… how does he treat his mom, his sisters, and other women in his life… Does he think that they are intelligent? Capable of making logical decisions? Does he respect their advice?</p>
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<p>Yes, men would like us all to remain wrinkle and “love handle” free (They, on the other hand, can look however they want!!) I have found that men are only willing to “change” any bad habits <em>very early</em> in a relationship (when they are still wanting to impress you). </p>
<p>When I met my H, he was a horrible dresser – everything he owned had a stain or a hole in it (he’s an engineer – need I say more!!!). On one of our first dates, his khaki pants had a huge oil stain on the thigh and his shirt’s sleeve was safety-pinned to close up a hole!!! I told him that we were going to throw out all of his clothes and go shopping. We did (and he got a decent hair style, while we were at it!). When I met his family a short time later, they raved about how much nicer he was dressing (especially his sisters!). If I had tried to change his wardrobe later on, he probably wouldn’t have been so willing.</p>