<p>A friend of my daughter’s is involved in her first serious relationship. The guy makes many put down comments about her weight and physical appearance in general. Are there any recommendations for good books to help someone have a dialogue about what makes a good partner?</p>
<p>Is the daughter a teenager or a college age student? I ask because when my daughter was a little younger I fount it effective to try to find an article in a teen magazine that addresses the concern. When my was 16, she met a guy in his early 20’s who was interested in dating - she put him off, but was contemplating going out with him. (In his defense, he had assumed she was over 18 when he met her). I found an article from Seventeen magazine online about the problems with teenage girls dating older men - printed it out & left it lying around. Much rolling of eyes when my daughter found it… but the fact is, she read it, and she probably gave the magazine more credence than she would have given me; for one thing, you can’t argue back with a magazine. In any case, she decided to stick with guys closer to her own age. </p>
<p>The magazines geared to teenage girls are full of articles and surveys addressing relationship issues, so it shouldn’t be hard to find something on target.</p>
<p>There is a great book for girls called “He is really not that Into You” I will try to find the author. My D and her suitemates found it very helpful.</p>
<p>the title of the book is:</p>
<p>He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys </p>
<p>by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/068987474X/102-2293419-9207357?v=glance&n=283155[/url]”>http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/068987474X/102-2293419-9207357?v=glance&n=283155</a></p>
<p>I remember when Berger first said that line to Miranda on Sex and the City and when Greg Behrendt was on Oprah. Some of the points he made really did make a lot of sense and will trigger some lightbulb moments.</p>
<p>This is a college graduate now in grad school. She has lost weight because of his comments but he still makes comments about her apperance in an unsupportive way. I will check out Behrendt’s book. Thanks.</p>
<p>Check out “Love Smart” by Dr. Phil.</p>
<p>Women who love too much</p>
<p>great book, but getting her to read it is another story, unless you are ready for it</p>
<p>If friends read it and TALK about and about themselves, maybe the can get through</p>
<p>But girls like this often don’t like themselves enough to see what is going on and think, well I don’t deserve better, he is sooo osweet in other ways, I can change him</p>
<p>I hate jerk guys like this one…my D has a friend who has a BF like that,just icky</p>
<p>“How to Get Rid of a Bad Boyfriend and Dispose of the Body” by T. Soprano</p>
<p>Dadguy, does that come packaged with cement shoes?</p>
<p>Maybe the issue is less how she should pick a boyfriend, and more about how she should love herself enough to only want one who appreciates her.</p>
<p>Maybe it should!</p>
<p>Seriously, this is her first serious relationship that is coming a little later than for most people due to self-esteem issues. She is probably afraid of losing what male attention she’s getting so she’s afraid to stand up for herself and either demand respect or to get out. </p>
<p>She doesn’t need a good book, she needs a good freind to tell her what’s what and to be supportive.</p>
<p>The Book of Love by the Monotones! :-)</p>
<p>Anyone here remember it??</p>
<p>Sorry about to OT post</p>
<p>A very wise aunt recommended that I make up two lists to figure out what kind of guy that I would want to be married to.</p>
<p>For example here is my list</p>
<p>Qualities that I wanted in a husband</p>
<p>College educated
Stable well paid Career
Likes/wants Children
Likes to Travel
likes Sports
same religion
He has a good relationship with my parents/family
I have a good relationship with his family
Has good friends
Good heart
Good sense of humor
Responsible
Cares for other’s feelings
Empathetic</p>
<p>Here are some of the things that I had on my list of things that I probably wouldn’t like in a spouse:</p>
<p>Couch potato
Sports nut (watch sports all the time)
Not career minded
Doesn’t like/want children
Different religion
Too silly
Drinks too much
Drug use
Different “values” about what is “right” and “wrong”
opposite politically
His/her family drives you nuts.
Wouldn’t share household chores
Messy/ sloppy
irresponsible
Won’t “socialize” with other couples.
Spends too much time with “pals”
Lazy
Selfish
Jealous
stingy
spends too much</p>
<p>My aunt also told me not to waste time dating guys who didn’t measure up to my list – so that I wouldn’t “fall in love” with a bad match.</p>
<p>Dr. Laura has two books on this, “10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives” and “10 Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives”. I know a lot of people don’t like her, but these books have some good advice.</p>
<p>Dr. Robin Smith (on Oprah) has a new book out called, “Lies at the Altar, the Truth About Great Marriages”. I saw her on CBs this a.m. and it looked good because there’s a checklist in the back regarding compatibility.</p>
<p>My prescription: two weeks of Dear Abby columns and she won’t need to see him in the morning (or any other time). (Might save money on books, too). Caveat: Dear Abby and probably any of the other remedies mentioned above should be taken with a believable warning against thinking that others aren’t smart enough to realize what the problem is, but she is (after all, she’s a grad student).</p>
<p>When one is entwined emotionally in a relationship, it is hard to think rationally, reasonably or wisely about it in the same way one could comment about it from afar. The young woman can be very smart but still be emotionally invested in the relationship to react in rational ways that she knows are better or that she’d advise someone else of, but will react differently due to the emotional involvement in the relationship.</p>
<p>Books are good because they are not “personal”, but a person can see themselves</p>
<p>I bought my girls a couple of “relationship” books when they enterred highschool- Ten Stupid Things and Women Who Love Too Much</p>
<p>They hadn’t had, of course, that “serious” relationship, and I approached the books saying, women need to understnad the mistakes they can make with the “wrong” guy and how to spot the warning signs - for yourself and in the other person</p>
<p>Right now my D has a friend involved witha very manipulative, badboy, mother’s nightmare kind of guy- she is “addicted” to him in her own words</p>
<p>My D spent time listening, giving advice, getting ditched so this girl could see this guy, she told her friend he was not a good guy, etc (involved the happy couple running off together)- every time the girls got together, much of the evening was involved with “chuck” drama</p>
<p>Afterawhile, my D and her friends said NO MORE- we have told you what we think, you ask, but don’t listen, you want our advise, and when we give it, we get called names and he calls us even worse names</p>
<p>So, we don’t want to hear anymore, and we will continue telling you what a mean, cheating, awful person he is, and even though we love you , it seems you have made your choice</p>
<p>Well, the girls’ friendships did suffer, its hard because they were so close, but as my D said, it wasn’t really a friendship anymore- it wa all about sue hating chuck, but loving him…it created alot of stress for all the girls, and now that they have said no more…my D and the friends are much less stressed, much happier, can count on each other</p>
<p>Sue: Well, she found friends who think she should fight for Chuck and she can change him…she is sinking deeper and deeper. She kind of tries to reconnect with old friends, but they don’t trust her as she told Chuck all the things they said about him, thus the horrid emails. and phone message</p>
<p>I say good for my D and her friends…they tried, but as sooievt posted, some people can’t see the manure for the mud</p>
<p>And yes, Sue’s mother is very aware of the situation and about “chuck” she is doing her best…</p>
<p>Thank you for all these titles. I am making a list and will research them…</p>
<p>If the girl herself won’t read them, then her friends should…it can help understand what is hapening</p>