<p>During my Mother’s Day trip to the bookstore, I happened to pick up A.M. Homes’ The Mistress’s Daughter, her memoir about being adopted. The facts are different from my own story, but the feelings she expressed about being adopted are right on. I learned my natural mother’s identity a few years ago almost by chance, and although I was born over 300 miles away, it turned out we now live in joined towns about 10 miles away from each other and have many common acquaintances. That part was similar to Homes and her father, whom she was able to meet after she heard from the mother. I have never actually spoken to my mother (she was contacted, but not interested in pursuing any contact), and have no idea who my father is. I thought as I was reading Homes’ book yesterday that I would like to mail it to her in a brown paper wrapper with some of the thoughts that mirror my own highlighted. Anyway, I thought I would recommend the book for others who are adopted.</p>
<p>I am not adopted so may be way off base here. (But I got a sense you were asking a question).</p>
<p>I wouldn’t send the book to the natural mother. You already know she isn’t interested in contact. However, I’d guess that your real mother would be very interested in you and your thoughts on adoption and seeing highlights of the book…unless you think they would wound her?</p>
<p>Hi csshsm - Thanks for your post. I am not an adult adoptee, but I am the mother of an adopted child, now 17. Also, I learned as an adult about a sister I never knew I had, so I think I understand at least a little about the search for biological relatives.</p>
<p>I appreciate your recommendation of the book. I may get it and read it myself to understand better some issues my D may be dealing with, or will deal with in the future.</p>
<p>“What makes a mother is not always a womb, but always a heart.
What makes a father is not always a seed, but always a hand.
What makes a family is not always blood, but always a bond.”</p>
<p>csshsm,</p>
<p>Thank you for recommending that book. I hadn’t heard of it before but I’ll be sure to look for it. I’m adopted, and I fully understand your desire to send a copy of the book to your birthmother. Although she refused contact before, if the book helps her to understand your feelings, it might help to break down her resistance to meeting you. If it were me, I would take the chance.</p>
<p>I found my birthfamily about 15 years ago by doing a little detective work on my own. Fortunately, things turned out very well. Although my birthparents were both deceased by then, I learned that I had 4 full sisters. They were very accepting and welcoming (after they recovered from the shock :eek:) and we are now happily a part of each others’ lives.</p>
<p>I know it’s a tough decision for you to make, and I wish you good luck.</p>