<p>Oprah talked about the case today and is doing a show next week about it.</p>
<p>I agree that this is a time to talk to our sons.</p>
<p>I hear you 07Dad. I am also aware of other celebrities offering support, (Will and Jada immediately come to mind), and some passing judgment (Jay-Z and Kanye West).</p>
<p>Looks like Chris and Rhianna got married.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap, where did you see that?</p>
<p>I pray it’s untrue:</p>
<p>[Rihanna</a> Chris Brown Married?](<a href=“http://www.mwza.com/rihanna-chris-brown-married/]Rihanna”>http://www.mwza.com/rihanna-chris-brown-married/)</p>
<p>Here it is. That is totally crazy!
[Rihanna</a> and Chris Brown Got Married? at The Insider](<a href=“http://www.theinsider.com/news/1781562_Rihanna_and_Chris_Brown_Got_Married]Rihanna”>http://www.theinsider.com/news/1781562_Rihanna_and_Chris_Brown_Got_Married)</p>
<p>"
LOS ANGELES - With Chris Brown’s arraignment on charges of assault and criminal threats delayed until April 6, the Chicago Sun-Times reported on Thursday that the singer’s management team is working toward rehabbing his image with a possible deal with Rihanna.</p>
<p>According to Sun-Times columnist Bill Zwecker, Brown and Rihanna plan to co-author a book about abuse and appear together on a number of talk shows in a deal, which also reportedly includes a $10 million clause regarding Brown’s future actions toward her.</p>
<p>“[He’ll pay] as much as $10 million… if he as much as squeezes her arm the wrong way,” a source close to Brown reportedly told the columnist."</p>
<p>[Report:</a> Brown, Rihanna working on deal - Access Hollywood - msnbc.com](<a href=“http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29556850/]Report:”>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29556850/)</p>
<p>“Shrinkrap, where did you see that?”</p>
<p>Sigh. Can’t believe I’m repeating rumors. Guess I got “caught up”.</p>
<p>Northstarmom - of course you’re right, however I have no sons so I never thought about it. But you’re right. I will discuss it with my D’s friends (male & female).</p>
<p>Anderson Cooper yappin’ about Rhianna getting beat up by her boyfriend. Now, THAT’S frightening. Why would anyone care what Anderson Cooper thinks?</p>
<p>Swimscatmom
I’m so glad your dtr is out of that rel’shp. Verbally abusive men really do follow the same pattern, being so warm and caring in the beginning, to hook the girl. Then subtly picking at self-esteem–appearance, personality, intelligence, choice of friends, skills. Eventually, the girl comes to believe that with all her flaws, no other man would put up with her. The book 19 Seconds illustrates such a relationship.</p>
<p>I actually started to write an article on this topic, and found there are already an amazing assortment of available books. I’ve read sections to clients about the phase they are in, and then predict the next stage.</p>
<p>My daughter’s only 12 and when she heard about this said, “He’s famous. He’ll get off”. Hope not.</p>
<p>I’m very disappointed in Chris Brown as I went through a phase when I was really into him. At the same time, I realize his tendencies are a product of his upbringing to an extent. This sad situation calls attention to the fact that pediatricians should be better trained to detect signs of psychological problems in children. As per this NY Times article I read a while back:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/15/health/15mental.html?_r=1&scp=3&sq=children%20under%205%20emotional%20psychological%20problems%20&st=cse[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/15/health/15mental.html?_r=1&scp=3&sq=children%20under%205%20emotional%20psychological%20problems%20&st=cse</a></p>
<p>My oldest describes them as " the new Ike and Tina Turner " I hope not, but I doubt this is the first time or the last time she gets beaten by Brown.
My youngest ( daughter ) was in the third grade when she was sucker punched while standing in the line at school to climb onto the school bus. It was a boy that is two years older. Nothing she did provoked it…not even eye contact. This boy comes from a family of three boys, divorced parents who never take responsibility for the actions of their kids . It is far from the first time these kids have been in various trouble. The reaction from the parents is usually along the line of " They were with their mother that day, her fault…"
When I found out, the school didn’t get a call…I went straight to the principal. The boy was suspended from school…and taunted my daughter for telling on him.
I believe that this family has seen their share of daddy beating up mommy and alcohol abuse.
I think these patterns have a way of repeating when that is the example shown. As much as they hate it when they witness this type of violence, they often cannot control themselves.</p>
<p>
[Child</a> Maltreatment 2006: Chapter 4: Fatalities](<a href=“http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/cm06/chapter4.htm#age]Child”>http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/cm06/chapter4.htm#age)</p>
<p>The perpetrator of domestic violence often comes from a history of that violence. It is naive to believe that male significant others are not at risk of domestic violence by their female partners. Just like the increasing awareness of predator female teachers on male students and mothers killing their children, there needs to be wareness of female domestic violence on their male partners.</p>
<p>Rihanna’s situation should not be only a lesson about male violence.</p>
<p>^ Are you trying to blame Rhianna? She was beaten to a bloody mess. Women are much much much more likely to sustain serious injuries or be killed in domestic violence. To throw in female “predator teachers” is ridiculous. Those situations just make the headlines, while the thousands of pervert male teachers are swept under the rug. Women are killed by men at an astounding rate.
And your facts, if correct, then show that the fathers are involved in 50% of the deaths of their children.</p>
<p>I think 07DAD is just saying domestic violence could happen to male also, as in female beating up a male.</p>
<p>“^ Are you trying to blame Rhianna?”</p>
<p>Blame plays a role in court, and I guess on discussion forums, but “blame” seems to have limited value when it comes to therapy and change. I think “domestic violence” is largely a relationship illness, and the severity of the illness can’t be measured by who took the worst beating.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Over a dozen years ago, the state domestic relations judges in my state started to be required to attend seminars that educated them on spotting an abused/battered spouse. These seminars focused on the fact that the battered spouse over time had such a negative outward demeanor and verbal delivery that the judges were prone to disbelieve them because of these manifestations of the battering/abuse.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Amen to that. Early in my career I sat second chair on a case where the wife/mother was the violence perpetrator. This led to discussions with the mental health experts. From that point forward, I realized that since I had a S I needed to make sure that he got the message that violence/abuse (physical, emotional and/or sexual) in a relationship was a manifestation of illness and that he should not be involved in relationship violence as the giver or the receiver. </p>
<p>IMO and from the professionals I’ve talked to, administering the violence and staying and absorbing the violence are both manifestations of illness. That is what is distressing to me about the Rihanna case. Both these young people seem to need help. And I see this as an opportunity to discuss these issues with one’s children of both sexes warning then against remaining in any relationship that turns to abuse.</p>
<p>oldfort–in preparing appeals I’ve handled, I’ve read of plenty of examples of physical violence by females on both male spouses and on male and female children. One involved an “accidential” death of one child and severe and irreversible brain damage to another who had his head slammed into a brick fireplace by mom. But physical abuse isn’t the only form of domestic violence and a “battered spouse” can be created with a combination of words and actions.</p>
<p>“Abuse” is an equal opportunity endeavor. [REFERENCES</a> EXAMINING ASSAULTS BY WOMEN ON THEIR SPOUSES OR MALE PARTNERS: AN ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY](<a href=“http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm]REFERENCES”>http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm)</p>
<p>“IMO and from the professionals I’ve talked to, administering the violence and staying and absorbing the violence are both manifestations of illness. That is what is distressing to me about the Rihanna case. Both these young people seem to need help. And I see this as an opportunity to discuss these issues with one’s children of both sexes warning then against remaining in any relationship that turns to abuse.”</p>
<p>Having worked with both kinds of people when I was a psychologist, I agree. I do hope that both get help. After they are healed after getting the longterm help that they need, that would be the time for them to be writing their book or books about the abuse. Then, they’d be in a position to help lots of people.</p>
<p>Both deserve our compassion. At the same time, however, Chris Brown needs to be held accountable for his behavior – which means having the legal book thrown at him. That’s probably what’s necessary for him to take the actions to get the treatment he needs.</p>
<p>A dear friend turned his life around after he was arrested after trying to kill his girlfriend. He was intoxicated and high when he did this. As a result, he lost his job ( a professional job with visibility), spent time in jail, and had court-mandated treatment. His arrest also was reported in the newspaper.</p>
<p>I met him after all of that: as a result of some (non court-ordered) community service he was doing. I’ve gotten to know him and his family and friends very well, and have even talked with him and his wife about how he attacked his girlfriend. There is every evidence that being held accountable for his actions turned his life around. I hope the same happens to Chris Brown. </p>
<p>Given the fact that substance abuse often is a factor in assaults of all kinds, I also hope that Brown is assessed for substance abuse problems. If he does have a substance abuse problem, he will need to stop that behavior in order to stop being violent.</p>
<p>Please share the below with your children, talk about it to your friends, and look into your heart to make sure that you yourself aren’t living what these women lived. </p>
<p>Andi f you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.</p>
<p>"For four years, I dated a man who beat me. The first time was around Christmas of my freshman year of college. I had known him a couple of months. He was the first guy I had ever had a physical relationship with, and I was madly in love. But he had a dark side, a short fuse, and I was very vocal and told him what I thought. The problem was, instead of arguing with me, he just beat me up.</p>
<p>The episodes continued throughout our relationship. At one point, he actually put me in the hospital with a concussion, my face and body covered with cuts and bruises. My friends begged me to leave him. His fraternity brothers did an intervention of sorts and told me he was a no-good, nasty, SOB. But for some odd reason, which took hours of therapy years later to figure out, I just stayed with him.</p>
<p>It wasn’t that I was unpopular or lonely. I had lots of friends, men and women. I was a good student, a leader on campus. I came from a loving home, with a father who never hit my mother, or me. But for years, I had a secret that only the closest of my friends knew about. I was an abused girlfriend.</p>
<p>According to a National Violence Against Women Survey, 22 percent of women are physically assaulted by a partner or date during their lifetime. I was one of them. The question was, why did I stay? The American Psychiatric Association finds that many women remain in abusive relationships for many reasons, lack of finances, poor self-esteem, children and even religious and cultural values. In my case, I felt I had done something wrong and deserved it…"
[The</a> tangles of domestic abuse - Paging Dr. Gupta - CNN.com Blogs](<a href=“http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2009/03/05/the-tangles-of-domestic-abuse/]The”>http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2009/03/05/the-tangles-of-domestic-abuse/)</p>