<p>I know this is getting to be old news, but as the details of the Rihanna/Chris Brown altercation come out, I am getting more and more distressed. I would hope that our kids are smart enough to either avoid such a situation or to get out at the first sign of serious problems. And I don’t know what her father is thinking–why on earth would he allow her to get back together with him?</p>
<p>Rihanna is 19, is she not? She’s a legal adult. I don’t think her father can stop her, no matter what his feelings are. </p>
<p>I think a lot of teen girls are watching Rhianna to see what she does, and I hope they don’t take it to mean that it’s ok to put up with a guy beating them. But I doubt Rhianna is making her decisions based on what her fans want.</p>
<p>It disturbs me greatly. So many times young people (and old) think domestic violence is a class or socio-economic issue, which of course is not true. I would hope that Rihanna could send a message to young women to dispel that, but by her going back to him, that is sadly not going to happen.</p>
<p>What’s going on with Rihanna is a teaching moment for us to discuss physical and emotional abuse with our kids – whether they are females or males. </p>
<p>There is nothing surprising to me about what happened with Rihanna and her boyfriend. That she went back to him is not suprising: Most victims of abuse do. That he is claiming to be contrite is no surprise either. Most abusers are contrite-- until the next time.</p>
<p>I doubt that this is the first time he physically abused her.</p>
<p>Here’s a site with information that it would be a good idea to read over before talking about this subject with one’s kids: [Domestic</a> Violence and Abuse: Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships](<a href=“http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm]Domestic”>Domestic Violence and Abuse - HelpGuide.org)</p>
<p>Anderson Cooper had an interesting commentary on this topic:</p>
<p>[Anderson</a> Cooper 360: Blog Archive - Rihanna: Role model? - Blogs from CNN.com](<a href=“http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2009/03/06/rihanna-role-model/]Anderson”>http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2009/03/06/rihanna-role-model/)</p>
<p>Perhaps this sad case will lead to more treatment to people who were raised in homes with domestic violence.</p>
<p>"In December 2007, just months before he was first seen with Rihanna by his side, Brown appeared on Tyra Banks’ talk show and spoke of his mother’s abuse. “It affected me … especially toward women,” he said. “I treat them differently. Because I don’t want to go through the same thing or put a woman through the same thing that that person put my mom through.” Brown told Banks that he dealt with watching the domestic abuse from ages 7 to 13.</p>
<p>“It changed me,” he said, explaining that his outgoing stage persona is an attempt to overcome the shyness and timidity he felt as a child, which sometimes led to him wetting his bed because he was afraid to get up at night and witness the violence. Brown told Banks that he would talk to his mother about the abuse “all the time,” but that “when a woman’s in love … you don’t look at it like that.”</p>
<p>Asked what advice he might give to a woman or family in that situation, Brown bit his lip and said, “That’s hard. … Try to overcome it. Pray. … I had the Bible under the pillow. … Talk it out.”</p>
<p>In 2007, Brown also spoke about his family’s past with Giant magazine. “He used to hit my mom,” the singer told the magazine. “He made me terrified all the time, terrified like I had to pee on myself. I remember one night he made her nose bleed. I was crying and thinking, ‘I’m just gonna go crazy on him one day.’ … I hate him to this day.”</p>
<p>In that interview, Brown described how, at age 11, he vowed to his mother that he would be in jail by age 15 for killing his abusive stepfather. “I’m gonna take a baseball bat one day while you at work, and I’m gonna kill him,” he said.</p>
<p>Emil Wilbekin, editor in chief of Giant, told MTV News on Monday that he was saddened by the news. “In the 2007 article, he talks about his abusive stepfather beating on his mother, and unfortunately, that type of behavior often becomes a pattern within families,” Wilbekin said. “It’s a little sad, because he is a role model for so many young men and has so many young female fans. It does send a really bad message.”
[Chris</a> Brown’s Family Has History Of Domestic Abuse - News Story | Music, Celebrity, Artist News | MTV News](<a href=“http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1604730/20090210/brown__chris__18_.jhtml]Chris”>http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1604730/20090210/brown__chris__18_.jhtml)</p>
<p>It will be another O.J Simpson case. It’s too bad a judge can’t make her father her legal guardian, just like Britney Spears. It probably would save her life.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>It is so true that our sons need to be educated that female on male abuse happens, it is abuse and should not be tolerated.</p>
<p>Below is a sourse of scholarly works on this problem. </p>
<p>[REFERENCES</a> EXAMINING ASSAULTS BY WOMEN ON THEIR SPOUSES OR MALE PARTNERS: AN ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY](<a href=“http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm]REFERENCES”>http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm)</p>
<p>It would be best for women if she stood up for herself and left. She’s better off on her own. However, I think that’s probably not what’s going to happen.</p>
<p>Didn’t Ike Turner hit Tina? This isn’t anything new… everything goes full circle.</p>
<p>Rumor has it that this is not the first time he has physically assaulted her. I tend to believe it. The sad thing is that not enough (if any) big names in the industry are standing up and publicly expressing any sort of compassion towards Rihanna or disdain towards Chris Brown. This could have been an amazing opportunity for the big names (Jayz, Diddy, etc.) to take a stand and express outrage over violence against women. Unfortunately, it seems as though all they care about is MONEY–they don’t want to burn any bridges or ties that may bring money deals later in the future. It disgusts me.</p>
<p>What is needed is a strong male music producer or performer to publicly stand up and tell young men that the violence needs to stop. Rihanna needs someone to step in and get her away from this guy. She obviously can’t see the reality of the situation.</p>
<p>I do find it very disturbing. The details in the court papers are harrowing – much worse than it first seemed. This is a young woman with fame, money, family and more and it just sends such a terrible message to young woman for her to be hanging out with him, etc. It’s very sad.</p>
<p>It just worries me that kids my age (teenagers) will look up to these people and think it’s okay to beat up your significant other, or take them back if they have beat you. Or that anyone will think that, really. </p>
<p>Funny timing: a day after the story about them first came out, we got a free, GIGANTIC poster of Chris Brown advertising milk (of the got milk? variety) for the wall in our cafeteria (I’m talking huge). It took until today for the janitors to be convinced to take it down, even though we’ve been asking persistently for about two weeks.</p>
<p>I was under the impression that the rumors–that Rihanna had gone back to Chris Brown–were false and were circulated by Chris Brown’s PR team. In either case, it is sad. I think that there should be a debate about male-female abuse, and the debate should not only go on among “idealistic” organizations. I have many friends who have been abused by their boyfriends (and I know many boyfriends who abuse their girlfriends). And if asked, they would all publicly say abuse is NOT OK. It’s this “secret” acceptance among people my age that’s troubling.</p>
<p>Also, I think that there should be a discussion on male-on-male violence. Women are often discussed because they are smaller than men, and so they are more vulnerable. But I also see tons of violence that big guys impose on smaller guys. That isn’t a matter to be ignored either.</p>
<p>I was in Wal-mart a few days ago and there was a father pushing a cart with two kids hanging off. The older child, a boy about age 11, said “Dad, girls in my class were crying because Chris Brown was arrested!”. I paused, glanced to the dad and saw that he seemed more interested in the merchandise than a teachable moment, so I took a deep breath, made eye contact with the boy and said, “then he shouldn’t be beating anyone up, especially assaulting a woman!”</p>
<p>The dad was startled and stuttered, yeah she’s right!</p>
<p>I rarely interject in someone else’s children’s upbringing, but I couldn’t let that one slide by without interjecting something into that child’s thought process.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Easier said than done. My daughter, who is a very intelligent girl, was in an abusive relationship. She is honestly the last person on earth I would have expected to stay in such a relationship but it took her 2 years to finally get out. There is little you can do (other than talk yourself blue in the face) until they decide for themselves that enough is enough. It was like walking on egg shells trying to gt her to see without pushing her more toward him (this type of person is very good at manipulating every situation and coming between their victim and those that care about her). Now she looks back and is baffled as to why she stuck with the guy for so long. They had been involved a while before he started showing the typical signs - extreme jealousy, possessiveness, controlling behaviour (about what she wore, who her friends were, checking up on her constantly especially if she was with other people - even with family, threatening to break up with her if she didn’t answer the phone when he called). We didn’t know for sure at the time about the physical abuse because she kept that to herself, but strongly suspected because of the other controlling behaviour.</p>
<p>It was a real nightmare and we (parents, brother and his girlfriend, friends) were just tearing our hair out. If the person involved is an adult you can’t force them to leave the abuser. We had to work very hard to not let him drive too great a wedge between us, so that she would at least know we were there if she needed us. She did lose contact with a lot of friends in the process which made her feel isolated and made it harder to cut the ties with him. I won’t ever be able to understand why she put up with it. I understand the theories of it, having read up on the matter a lot, but still just don’t understand. We talk about it at length and she does not understand it herself. She is a much more abrasive, and on the surface tougher, personality than I am and anyone behaving that way toward me would have been out the door really quickly (or had to sleep with one eye open if for some reason i could not get away easily). I just pray that she has learned something from it. </p>
<p>The strange thing with these type of controlling abusers is that, if you read the warning signs on abuse sites, they all seem to follow almost identical patterns. it is almost like a script.</p>
<p>I heard Jamie Foxx standing up on this issue. He talked about his concern that young women are getting a bad message by Rhianna going back to her abuser. He said he had heard young women calling in to a local radio station and saying that they needed to forgive their boyfriends too. He was very disturbed by this. His daughter is about 13. I was very happy to hear his comments.
As for teachable moments, while abuse happens every which way, the serious injuries and the deaths are suffered by the women. Time after time after time. Locally, a man just admitted to killing his wife in his driveway by slamming her head against the pavement and then choking her. He was angry for her behavior at a wedding. He then tossed her body in his truck and dumped her in the ocean. But he loved her…</p>
<p>My own 20 yo D is disturbed. We both agree it sends a horrible message to girls/women everywhere. We feel the same about that goofy show The Bachelor, where this week the guy proposed on TV, dumped same girl on TV and the #2 chick took him back…also on TV.</p>
<p>Sends terrible messages to females.</p>
<p>Boys and men are getting a bad message by this situation, too. Remember to talk to one’s sons who can be victims and perpetrators of violence, too.</p>
<p>Remember to look at one’s own life. Odds are that there are adult violence perpetrators and victims posting on CC. Abuse is prevalent in our society.</p>
<p>What disturbed me most were comments that people would post saying things like, “She provoked him,” as if that justified her beating.</p>
<p>Chris only got back with her to fix his public image! Sick isnt it</p>