<p>I felt quite nauseous reading the affadavit. Her family and friends must just be beside themselves that she has gone back to him.</p>
<p>Robin Givens and Nicole Brown Simpson’s sister were on Larry King Live earlier, speaking of the Rihanna/Chris Brown case, and domestic abuse in particular. Robin was particularly eloquent when speaking of her experience of continued abuse while married to the ex-Heavy Weight Champion of the World, Mike Tyson. It’s disturbing enough when men make excuses for Brown’s brutality, but when women excuse Brown and blame Rihanna, there aren’t any words to describe how disheartening that is. If women can’t count on the support of other women, who can they count on?</p>
<p>Well worth reading and discussing not only with your kids (whether they are boys are girls), but also with all of your male and female friends.</p>
<p>"CNN) – On Tuesday night’s “Larry King Live,” guest host Joy Behar talked about whether the Rihanna/Chris Brown case sends a dangerous message.</p>
<p>Robin Givens told Joy Behar Tuesday night that details of domestic abuse are often the same.</p>
<p>Among her guests were Robin Givens and Denise Brown. In an emotional interview, Behar examines how domestic abuse starts and why it’s hard to stop.
[Robin</a> Givens: My story is Rihanna’s story - CNN.com](<a href=“http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/TV/03/11/lkl.robin.givens.transcript/index.html]Robin”>Robin Givens: My story is Rihanna's story - CNN.com)</p>
<p>This is such a sad case. My opinion is if he is willing to do this in public there is no telling how many other times he hit her in private. I doubt very seriously this is the first time he ever hit her.</p>
<p>As for the whole bit “We don’t know what she did to cause this” there is no excuse for the beating she got. Even is she pulled a gun, knife, hit him with her hands or an object, this went above and beyond self defense.</p>
<p>Once, my boys, then about 10 and 13, and I were at my mother’s house while she was watching a soap opera. On the show, a man hit a woman. I can’t remember the instance but it had been a fight that had escalated, and my mom said, “Well, she deserved it. He told her to quit arguing with him.” I was so appalled and later set the boys straight on that account. Some people will always blame the woman.</p>
<p>"Two days after the Viacom-owned, kids-targeting Nickelodeon network said it had no plans to remove Chris Brown as a nominee for its annual Kids’ Choice Awards – even though the singer has been charged with two felonies for allegedly beating and making threats against singer Rihanna – the cable channel said Brown’s name had been stricken from the nominee list.</p>
<p>Also gone from the list of nominees: Brown’s “favorite song” contender, "Kiss Kiss…</p>
<p>Kids do not actually do the nominating, in the same way members of, say, the TV academy do the nominating at the Emmys. Nickelodeon employs a pollster, which polls kids and comes up with a national sample, and Nickelodeon decides which performers, movies, video games, etc., become nominees based on the sample, according to Nick. Actual voting is then done at Nickelodeon’s Web site. And when Nickelodeon says “the kids who vote will ultimately decide who wins in the category,” by “kids,” it means “anyone with access to a computer.”</p>
<p>In a statement – because even people charged with felonies who remove their names from marketing vehicles targeting children still issue statements in Hollywood – Brown says he “very much appreciates the support of his fans and the honor they have paid him in the way of nominations for Favorite Male Singer and Favorite Song.”</p>
<p>“Unfortunately, the controversy surrounding the incident last month has shifted the focus from the music to whether [Brown] should be allowed to be among those nominated.”</p>
<p>That’s right, Chris Brown is a victim. Done in by “controversy.”
[url=<a href=“http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/11/AR2009031104154.html?hpid=topnews]washingtonpost.com[/url”>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/11/AR2009031104154.html?hpid=topnews]washingtonpost.com[/url</a>]</p>
<p>Notice Chris Brown accepting responsibility, NOT. What a disgusting comment by his PR person.<br>
I also note some celebrities saying Chris Brown is such a good guy and they are surprised by the situation. Isn’t that what was said about the affable OJ?</p>
<p>Oprah’s doing her show on this today. In a preview she looks directly into the camera and says, “love doesn’t hurt and if a man hits you once he will hit you again”.</p>
<p>She also says she believes this is a “teachable moment for our young women and men”</p>
<p>My DVR is set.</p>
<p>Please share and discuss this column by Dewayne Wickham:</p>
<p>"The police report of what happened in the car that night was chilling.</p>
<p>There was a violent confrontation between a young woman and the young man behind the wheel that caused the woman to bleed profusely. The front seat of the vehicle was drenched with her blood, police said.</p>
<p>I’m not talking about singer Chris Brown’s alleged attack on his girlfriend, Rihanna. I’ll get to that later. What I just described is what happened the night my father took my mother’s life with a gun. His attack on her was the ultimate act of domestic abuse he committed before turning the weapon on himself.</p>
<p>I was just 8 years old the night I lost my parents — much too young to know anything about the social disease that has come to be called “domestic abuse.” I didn’t know then that such behavior usually starts subtly, with harsh talk, a push or a slap, then grows into something much worse.'…"
[DeWayne</a> Wickham: When an abuser says ‘never again,’ don’t believe it | tallahassee.com | Tallahassee Democrat](<a href=“http://www.tallahassee.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090313/OPINION05/903130320]DeWayne”>http://www.tallahassee.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090313/OPINION05/903130320)</p>
<p>This is very scary…</p>
<p>[Many</a> Boston teens surveyed say Rihanna is at fault for assault - The Boston Globe](<a href=“http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/03/13/many_boston_teens_surveyed_say_rihanna_is_at_fault_for_assault/]Many”>http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/03/13/many_boston_teens_surveyed_say_rihanna_is_at_fault_for_assault/)</p>
<p>As the mother of 2 young men, I raised them to never hit a woman. Never.<br>
However, my question to everyone is why are men supposed to turn away, walk away, when a woman strikes them?<br>
My kids are not punching bags for anyone - male or female. Are parents of young women raised to not hit men? I’m asking a legit question since I did not have any girls.</p>
<p>It was difficult when explaining this to them growing up, especially when they would ask, why can they hit me and I can’t hit back?? “Because you don’t hit girls” isn’t really a statement they can wrap their heads around when they are young but it’s what I did and told them they must walk out/away.</p>
<p>Laxmom, Oprah addressed that issue (she had Tyra Banks with her) the other day. They said a man has the right to stop a woman from hitting him but no more – i.e. no excessive use of force to get her to stop. Leaving a violent situation is often easier for a man than for a woman in the sense that it is less likely she can overpower him (without a weapon) and stop him from leaving. I think the movies/T.V. often send the message that it’s okay for a woman to slap a man in the face – it seems to happen all the time in movies as if it’s acceptable. I raised both boys and a girl and the message about hitting was the same both ways.</p>
<p>“However, my question to everyone is why are men supposed to turn away, walk away, when a woman strikes them?
My kids are not punching bags for anyone - male or female. Are parents of young women raised to not hit men? I’m asking a legit question since I did not have any girls.”</p>
<p>I’ve got 2 sons. I didn’t raise them to hit anyone except literally in self defense --if they can’t get away otherwise.</p>
<p>I didn’t raise them to be punching bags for anyone, but truth is, usually fights can be avoided. I was never in any fight growing up except with my brother. I don’t think that either of my sons ever were in fights growing up except with each other. </p>
<p>H --who grew up in an infamous neighborhood in the Chicago ghetto, was only in one fight in his life. The school bully hit H while he was in the lunch line, and H decked him. H had such a good reputation and the bully had such a bad rep that the school didn’t do anything to H, who hadn’t done anything to provoke the bully.</p>
<p>When it comes to women hitting men --something I also think shouldn’t happen except in self defense – my sons know that they should try to get away or try to restrain the woman. Hitting back is something to do only if there really are no other alternative ways of protecting oneself.</p>
<p>In most cases women are lots weaker than are men, and men can fairly easily seriously injure women. Also, in many cases, people can get away from attackers without hitting them. This particularly is true if the attacker is smaller and weaker than is the victim.</p>
<p>If Rihanna did hit Chris first (which I agree would have been wrong) , I’m sure that he could have restrained her or stopped her without leaving her battered and bloody and without threatening to kill her. Even if she attacked him, his response was far beyond self defense.</p>
<p>I am appalled by the people who have posted on blogs (not referring to people on CC) who said that Rihanna should have been “beat down” if she hit him first. Such a response is as wrongheaded as those of adults who think that a child who hits an adult should be beaten bloody.</p>
<p>Seems easy to say to both my kids, “If anybody hits you, turn and walk out of that relationship forever.” The same message to both sexes, boy or girl is the correct one.</p>
<p>My question to you all is this: Is there a personality pattern for the girls who get in to these relationships? It seems that I hear of such normal nice girls who get these boyfriends who are nice (at first) and then as the relationship progresses the abuse starts. What is the personality pattern of the female victim?</p>
<p>artmommmy,</p>
<p>I am not aware of any preexisting personality patterns of female victims of abuse. However, I wonder whether the women overlook in their abusers personality signs or behavior that would be red flags to other women.</p>
<p>For instance, men who become abusive often are men who express their love for their girlfriends quickly (which is a red flag to many women, who view that behavior as creepy or inappropriate), and also can give the girlfriend so much attention that some women would avoid such a man, feeling they are being stalked. </p>
<p>Men who abuse women often grew up in homes with domestic abuse. A soft hearted woman who is drawn to men who had that kind of pain in their childhoods may be more likely than other types of women to end up with an abuser.</p>
<p>Try doing an Internet search to find out about the behavior and personalities of male abusers, especially the behavior they show early in relationships.</p>
<p>Thanks for the responses. I didn’t watch Oprah so I wasn’t aware of her response.</p>
<p>Neither men nor women should stay with someone who hits them. It’s not "okay’ if it’s a woman doing the punching. That said, if a woman hits a man, that doesn’t give him the right to beat her unconscious. It gives him the right to call the cops and get a restraining order. Male abusers are more common, but it does happen the other way too. One a different forum I’m on, a guy was asking for advice after his wife literally broke down a door to assault him in front of their daughter. 
And he decided to stay in the relationship!</p>
<p>It’s sad how often people go back to their abusers . . . It’s hard to let go of a relationship, I guess, and a lot of times the abuser convinces the other person that they “deserve it” or that they’re so stupid/worthless no one else would want them.</p>
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<p>I posted this on another thread, but I’ll repeat it here since it got no responses there. I think there are many reasons why over 50% of women return to an abusive relationship. Also, the average women returns 7 times before leaving permanently. There are many good psychological reasons for this odd and disturbing behavior, including those listed above. Other reasonable motives including witnessing abuse as a child, economic dependency, etc.</p>
<p>But I think, in many instances, some women actually subconsciously desire to be beaten. Abuse actually increases the attraction that the female has for the abusive male.</p>
<p>Why do you think this?</p>