<p>My son was waitlisted at a school that he really wants to attend. This school takes very few to none from the waitlist, yet he continues to hope. I would prefer closure on this so that he could move on psychologically and learn to love the school he will say yes to. But that’s not going to happen until there is no hope left from the waitlist school. Another 3 months of being in a holding pattern.</p>
<p>I don’t think you should worry. There are other ways to look at this, if he says no to the wait list he might always wonder if he would have been accepted off of it, even though I know the possibility is very remote. The closure you want will be more definitive if he stays on the wait list and then isn’t accepted, which is the most likely outcome.</p>
<p>Last year my daughter was wait listed at her first choice school. I called and found out that their wait list contained thousands. We knew that historically they didn’t take many off.</p>
<p>When she realized that she began to emotionally let go of the school. She needed to write a letter pleading her case and she had a very difficult time composing it, I think because she had already begun to let go. I don’t know if she ever even sent in the letter.</p>
<p>I feel your pain. Just give this some more time and you might see your son make the mental shift he needs to make.</p>
<p>Being on the waitlist is good practice for waiting in the future. It seems like I am always waiting for something - waiting for employers to call back after getting my resume, waiting for them to let me know after interviewing, waiting for this, waiting for that. It’s a big part of life.</p>
<p>That doesn’t make waiting any easier.</p>
<p>I don’t see a one-size-fits-all deal with wait lists. Some are reasonable: a hundred or so students wait listed and a history of taking a dozen or so off that list. That is different than a wait list of a thousand and a history of one or zero taken. Which is it for OP’s son?</p>
<p>The wait list letter can give some specifics too, as in “return the postcard” or “advise us of your latest accomplishments.” Some students are more than willing to do this and to live with a foot on two paths for a couple of months – and others are not. </p>
<p>It seems like part of living life – how many of us have (in our silly youth, of course) hung on to a crush for far too long? We look back and wince. Hopefully we also look around and see many good things about where we are and where we are headed. </p>
<p>We’re kind of in the same boat. S is wait listed for first choice school. He seems fine with pursuing his other options while keeping fingers crossed. Fortunately for us, he is a pragmatic sort so there’s not tons of drama. I’ve got my fingers crossed too. I am hoping that a couple of months of perserverance lands him in the gravy of his choosing.</p>
<p>To me the value of staying on the wait-list would be for your son to know he exhausted all the possibilities, and doesn’t have to wonder “what if.” But only if he is realistic that it’s probably a long-shot. </p>
<p>My daughter signed up for the wait-list at her top choice, then went ahead and registered for courses, signed a housing contract, even wore the t-shirt for her financial safety. She was going to make the most of it. Then the waitlist called and she is now there as a very happy and grateful first-year student. </p>
<p>So I think it’s okay to let him stay on a waitlist if he can/will move on with making plans at another school.</p>
<p>S turned down a waitlist at one of his top choice schools, and I was glad. But it wasn’t a clear first choice - he had 3 that he really liked, and at one point he actually said, “I hope they don’t all admit me because I don’t know how I’ll decide.” So for him the WL made it easy - he treated it like a rejection and focused on the other two, which made his decision easier. It would have been harder if it had been a clear favorite for him. BTW he’s a junior now at the college he chose and he’s very happy there, he’s glad the other college waitlisted him because it was his highest ranked school and he says, “It would have been really hard to say no them, and I think I’m happier here than I would have been there anyway.”</p>
<p>OP I can empathize as we are in the same situation and I had posed this very question and there was an active discussion recently. One of the suggestions given to us on the thread (you can search for it under my ID) was to put a time limit, i.e. give your S a time limit say May 15 or May 30th, if the waitlist clears before that date, he can take the W/L school, otherwise he will withdraw from the waitlist school after that date and stick to the choice he has made. This will prevent it from dragging out till say June or July. We thought it was very sensible suggestion, if our S does accept the W/L, we will have a drop dead date.</p>
<p>Again as others have said, it depends upon a variety of circumstances. Again as I said, we have had a lot of discussions in our family on this subject and I can understand the need for closure.</p>
<p>WL could be different from year to year. Stanford went to WL last year. My daughter’s year her school took over 100 students off WL, but none the year before.</p>
<p>My prediction is more top tier schools will go to their WL this year because students are applying to more schools now. Instead of applying to one or two Ivies, they are apply to all top 20 schools. When those schools go to their WL, then there is domino effect to other lower tier schools.</p>
<p>Thanks so much everyone for your thoughts and suggestions. I find it so helpful to read other peoples’ perspectives. Our older child was fortunate to be admitted to his early decision choice, so we have very little experience dealing with the “full admissions experience,” complete with rejections, waitlistings, and choosing between possibles. </p>
<p>CC has been such a source of information. Even though it will be a few years till our next child is ready for college applications, it’s good to know that this site will be here waiting.</p>
<p>My son told me, before he got all his decisions in last night, that he wasn’t going to accept any waitlists. He was just going to move on and celebrate his new school. So, finally, last night at 11:00 he got through to his last school and–surprisingly–got on a waitlist after learning about two rejections earlier. It was his second choice (rejected from1st). He knows the odds are very slim of getting off, and he’s getting more and more psyched about his acceptances, but he’d at least like to see if he’s actually “ivy material”.</p>
<p>limabeans, if he’s on an Ivy waitlist, he’s “Ivy material.” If the Ivy didn’t think he was fully capable of handling their workload, they’d have rejected him.</p>
<p>Like lafalum’s older one, my daughter used her waitlists to “weed out” her top 4 choices; got her down to two by April 30th (two years ago)…and it was a good thing…<br>
even with two, she had a very hard time deciding…sent deposit in at 11:00 PM on April 30th</p>
<p>I think this growth in WL is an awful thing, though. Does anyone remember anyone getting in off a waitlist years ago? It doesn’t lead to closure and kids moving on.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, my best friend in high school got off the Yale waitlist in August. She’s never regretted waiting.</p>
<p>I have no problem with staying on a waitlist if it’s clearly some place you’d rather go than the places that actually accepted you.</p>
<p>D will withdraw her name from the two waitlists she was put on. I feel in order to have a chance of getting off a waitlist, a kid needs to be proactive in getting the school behind them, maybe another letter of recommendation, and they have to indicate that they would absolutely attend if given the chance. Our headmaster has been quite successful in getting kids off waitlists in the past, but I would never ask him to go to bat for my kid since she isn’t eager to attend either school if successful. I’d rather have her withdraw for other peoples’ sake and before getting a definitive rejection.</p>
<p>Our D was waitlisted at two Ivies. With no other Ivy acceptances, she was so happy. She views it as a compliment. They see her as the type of student they admit, they just didn’t have room for her.</p>
<p>She’s accepting the WL. DH was expressing regret because he wanted closure. But I pointed out we do have closure because she is already talking about her school she has committed to (sent the check today), and we discussed the low probablility of her getting off the WL. </p>
<p>Our conversations do not include any ifs. We are proceeding as though she will go to her safety. If she is admitted off the WL, we’ll deal with that when it happens.</p>
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<p>Oh, I totally get staying on waitlists - I know two kids who are current freshmen at NU and Penn who got in off waitlists and I don’t blame them at all. It’s just that it just makes the whole thing even more drawn out.</p>
<p>Yep! How dare they! Don’t they know we parents have PLANS to make! We don’t know whether to get the dorm curtains in the green, the burgandy or the orange. Darn those inconsiderate decision makers! Couldn’t they herd those RD kids thorough the process and let us know . . . oh, by midnight tonight would be good. </p>
<p>I spoke with one admissions officer and he said that many, many teens do not make up their minds until April 30 and then it takes the admissions office another week to wade through all the commitments/regrets. </p>
<p>I do like the notion of perceiving the wait list as a true compliment. There (but for a lid on class size) goes our kid. Meanwhile, it’d be really nice to know which curtains to buy . . .</p>
<p>Curtains wouldn’t even be on my radar. I feel sorry for those who have a couple of weeks to make airline arrangements(expensive tickets if there are seats left) at such short notices, not to mention canceling others already purchased.</p>
<p>Wait a minute, let’s get some perspective here.</p>
<p>I don’t have a problem with a wait list where there is a reasonable chance of getting off.</p>
<p>I have a problem with a wait list that numbers in the thousands when they typically accept around forty. I’m not making those numbers up, that is what we were looking at last year and it is typical of the top schools recently. I don’t know why they do it, they know they don’t need a wait list that is so huge. Admittedly last year was unusual so maybe they can justify making their list a little bigger, but they simply can’t justify a wait list of a couple of thousand when they typically accept 40 - 50.</p>
<p>I don’t care about getting a compliment. I just want them to tell me what the decision is.</p>