Any parents got a guy like me?

Parent Cafe
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<p>I think I must be the only one on this board as far as college students go who wishes he was still in high school.</p>

<p>It’s been almost two years since I graduated. However, I still think about high school every day and almost every night I dream I’m either there or with my high school friends (either my older friends who were teachers/computer admins or the students who I was close to). I keep a picture of them on my one computer as my desktop pattern.</p>

<p>Lately the feelings of post high school depression have stuck again and struck very hard. I’m absolutely hating this semester so far and am considering attempting to take it off (though I probably wouldn’t do that). I’ve had some solid semesters at college so far but the only reason I think I’m getting 4.0’s all the time is because I have to make myself happy and I can’t do it with the same things I did in HS. (I’m in some clubs/activites now, but in HS was even more involved and had very close friends…I actually wasn’t that great of a student in high school, only graduating with a 3.76).</p>

<p>I still talk to my friends from HS all the time–in particular the faculty members and one of the students who goes to my college.</p>

<p>But things have gotten worse–I get a funny feeling inside anytime I see a date of March, April, May, or early June of 2005. Certain sights, sounds, songs, etc trigger this feeling as well. It paralyzes me and I’m unable to think anything but old memories (all of which are good). This has really been flaring up lately (more so than ever) and I’m wondering if any of you parents have a student who has the same problems.</p>

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<p>well, its is called growing up!!! things arem’t all fun and games anymore…and you are starting to realize that</p>

<p>would you REALLY want to be 17 again…would you really want to not be able to make your own decisions…would you really want to be stuck in HS forever?</p>

<p>I don’t think so…EVERYONE goes through phases of “what ifs” or “it was soo good then” but then you realize, hey, I am really lucky, I have a good life, I am moving forward</p>

<p>I have you have hit the place where the novelty of college wears off and the reality of “this is real,this is life, this is suppsed to prepare me for the world” and in two years I may be on my own and have to REALLY take care of business</p>

<p>You are holding onto what is comfortable…you need to let some of the go, at least a bit, if you want to grow up…I am not saying that harshly, but you know I am right…</p>

<p>would you want to be the same boy you were in HS, doing exactly the same things…I don’t think so…</p>

<p>hey, welcome to the world of adulthood…you are at a transition point, probably close to 21, but not quite there, so in a place of flux to a degree</p>

<p>because you have ideallzed your past, NOTHING will ever measure up</p>

<p>its like holding onto the memories of an old girlfriend and because you have made her perfect , even though she isn’t part of your life, no other girl stands a chance, even though they may be really great</p>

<p>my advice is to cut back a bit on the conversations with old friends, and talk to new ones…realize that what you are going through is normal, and hits people differently…but you need to move forward not backward</p>

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<p>I agree with cgm totally.</p>

<p>Here’s an idea to think about: If you can accept college, just think, in a few years you will have DOUBLE the fond memories and DOUBLE the friends! As an adult you will be able to look back fondly on both the hs years AND the college years! Wouldn’t that be nice? But if you stay stuck in hs memories while you’re in college, then before you know it college will be over and you might feel regret that you missed out on a grand opportunity to experience it fully.</p>

<p>Don’t let the past dilute the present. Don’t lose the present by living in the past. The past will always be there. You can retrieve those memories any time you like. Focus on adding NEW memories to be retrieved later.</p>

<p>You’re lucky that you had such a positive experience in hs. So it’s logical to assume that you will, most likely, have just as positive an experience in college. If you let yourself.</p>

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<p>I would advise you to seek counseling through your school. Your post says that the depression is stronger than in the past and your comment about seeing certain dates triggering depression concerns me. Please consider going to talk to someone.</p>

5

<p>You need to become a teacher. You may become the best darn teacher in the world! Just stay ethical, mature and balanced.</p>

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<p>ebeeee is right. Depression is not something to mess around with. Please go see a counselor. Immediately!</p>

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<p>I suspect someone I know, a year younger than you, felt that way. He transfered to the nearest school to home, where many more of his h.s. friends attend.
My ds was a bit this way at the begiinning of college. In his case he joined a frat. this gave him the tight bonding and strong friendships similar to the ones in h.s. Another friend’s son joined a vocal group at school, which travels around performing. Again you get bonding and tight friendships. If you can, join something similar - marching band (usually they have some non-performing jobs) singing, volunteer groups. Dopey as it sounds from the outside, volunteering gives back to you, just as you give out in help to others.
As an old grumpy grown-up, I would also guess that it is not h.s. you miss exactly, it is the feelings you associate with the memories. You memories are a fantasy-state. HS always has lots of sad/lonely/mad times that aren’t in your vision of what it was. Everytime you start with the memories, say STOP to yourself. Go walk, listen to music etc. Move away from the story into your real life as best you can.</p>

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<p>AFPrep, my son doesn’t miss high school–he really didn’t like high school much and thought people were really immature–girls fussing over nothing, concern about who had what or who was dating who, etc, etc. He was so looking forward to college and is very disappointed that socially it has not been better. He confided to me last night that he believes the reason so many college students drink is that is that the way most cope with college life, otherwise it is too depressing. For him, who tries to stay pretty straight edge, the fun has been hard to find. You’re not alone, but I have no more answers for you than I do for him. He’s back to looking at transfers to see if the climate is different somewhere else.</p>

9

<p>This is my old fart crackpot theory. Feel free to ignore it.</p>

<p>Many of us have guys like you–if we have sons.</p>

<p>Boys are not the best anticipators in the world. If they are in a great social situtation (say, with 100 great friends), they tend to think that everywhere they go, they will have 100 amazing friends.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, if you have ever been lucky enough to have a large group of wonderful friends you may not have realized what a rarity it is to have 100 great friends–or 40 great friends. Modern society gets by on 7 or 8 great friends. 40 great friends to aqccompany you through any segment of life is a blessing in modern life. Be grateful. It’s very hard to come by, in my opinion.</p>

<p>I know my S2’s friends are grieving his departure and the break-up of their large happy group. Last week three of them stopped by at 10 pm for a 45 minute chat/hangout. Yesterday I found two of them at the curb wanting to know if my H could go surfing with them. </p>

<p>To me, it sounds like you are still grieving the loss of your social group in high schol. That’s okay. Boys are pack animals. They are happiest in a group. It is a big loss. Maybe you are just processing that grief now. </p>

<p>Maybe you are experiencing a let down from your previous social life. I have seen that happen with my boys when they switched schools. One thing that tends to happen when boys come out of that situation is that they make the wrong friends first. they plunge into social groups that seem similar to their old group–without realizing how many years it takes to build up such a wide circle.</p>

<p>I agree with parents who have told you that you may benefit from counselling.</p>

<p>I also have this advice to give: </p>

<ol>
<li><p>Your current experience will give you as much as you give to it. College will be what you make of it. Keep pouring yourself into the clubs you enjoy and be patient. Friendships will arrive.</p></li>
<li><p>Keep busy. Step outside of yourself by donating time to someone whose suffering makes yours look like folly. </p></li>
<li><p>Start reading for pleasure. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>Your old life will never return to you–even if you move home. In my opinion, you are in the midst of a change of awareness–and you need to acknowledge the grief you have and make plans to meet the new life ahead of you.</p>

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<p>Sounds as if you are afraid of growing up. Please consider those who suggest seeking counseling; this can develop into a serious life-long issue if not addressed via proper counseling.</p>

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<p>Good friends will make a terrible college experience a pleasure, and they make a good college experience incredible. I’m getting on a plane in 3 hours to go back to school, and I can’t wait to see all the people I’ve been missing for 6 weeks. Participating in clubs is a great way to meet people, so I’m glad to hear that you’re doing that, but you also have to take some initiative from there. I think you might find yourself a lot happier if you were to find a social group to belong to.</p>

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<p>You are very brave to share your feelings. Please be just as brave and talk to a counselor at the Academy. I’m a mom AND an RN and depression is not something to just brush off. It won’t just go away on its own. Make your high school friends proud by doing all you can to stay healthy–mentally–as well as academically and physically for when you see them again.</p>

<p>The fact that you have opened up on this forum says that you are very mature for recognizing that something is wrong. You have already taken steps to help yourself. For that you should be congratulated.</p>

<p>Now go and find the appropriate person to talk to. The finest leaders know also how to be fine followers. Follow the advice of a couselor.</p>

<p>Good Luck Afprep85 and let us know how things are going.</p>