Anybody else got a touch of "senior year melancholy"?

Parent Cafe
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<p>Today is my h.s. senior’s 17th birthday. Yay! As I was sneaking her annual birthday balloon into her bedroom in the middle of the night (she has woken up to a balloon every birthday) I was struck by the thought that, next year, she most likely will be in a dorm on her birthday, and the sight of a mom sneaking a balloon in would NOT be welcome. After I smiled at the thought of my old dorm housemother (complete w/pink curlers and fluffy robe) reacting to that invasion…I realized that we’re at a lot of “the last time for X…” – last high school plays, last parent-teacher conferences, dwindling weeks where she’ll sit beside me in church and doodle quiet comics.</p>

<p>And it’s not like she’s never been away – the joke is that we’ve been kicking this kid out since she finished 6th grade – she’s spent at least part of every summer at intensive ballet and theatre programs, most on college campuses, where she has positively thrived. She also has the college survival skill set of knowing how to do her own laundry, that communal bathrooms are surviveable, and that wretched roommates are just future stories in the making. </p>

<p>She is ready, more than ready for college. She submitted all her college applications last Friday – so early, because she’ll need to audition for theatre programs, in addition to all the academic hoops, and slots are limited.</p>

<p>So part of my ennui, I suppose, is uncertainty – we have no idea where she’ll end up going to college – she has her list of places she’d like to go…it’s a matter of being accepted at these super-selective programs (one school she’s considering accepts 4 females into the program she wants, auditions literally hundreds of qualified kids). Part is realizing that I really like the person she’s turning out to be, and selfish me will miss her terribly. </p>

<p>So in the midst of preparing for college audition trips (we’ve taken to calling it the “(Almost) National Tour!” and watching her enjoy her senior year, there is an undercurrent of “yikes” – she’ll be fine, I’ll be fine…but the change is coming. (And yes, she is our only kid…so perhaps that makes a difference.)</p>

<p>Okay…enough early-morning rambling…but is anyone else realizing that things are going to change, and in a good way…with a touch of private ambivalence? </p>

<p>Happy birthday, kiddo. You’re going to have a great year, and you and the perfect school are going to meet up. Your mom, meanwhile, is going to find lovely things to do with her evenings, rather that sclep you to ballet and voice and piano and… It’s all good.</p>

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<p>I experienced that with my first D a couple of years ago, but I’m not feeling it with my S this year. I’m just peering over his shoulder to make sure he gets those applications done so he can go to a school he wants to attend! I may feel it again with youngest D in a couple more years, but right now I am counting down the years until she is out of the house.</p>

3

<p>Melancholy?</p>

<p>We’ve been part of a very strong, involved parents association for our older son’s collegiate sport for the past four years. Almost every spring weekend from February to Memorial Day we traveled with our friends and the team. Pregame tailgates, game, post game receptions. Last spring, as our senior sons carried the tradition forward, we all began to realize this was the last time here, and the last time there, and the last times together as a team family. This weekend was the 2010 recognition brunch – salute the graduated senior class and their amazing accomplishments and introduce the incoming freshmen. I am very melancholy this morning.</p>

4

<p>Mommafrog: I’m feeling the same way. I’m trying to enjoy this last year with my daughter home, but it’s pretty bittersweet. I think of everything as the last: last first day of school, last back to school night, last homecoming… My daughter is very independent also, and I think that she will be ready to move ahead next year. It’s going to be much harder on me.</p>

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lol. I could have written this in 06. In fact, I might have. ;)</p>

6

<p>Well, in 2011, Sept 13 falls on a Tuesday- the day before, you can overnight her a package with a filled balloon- or you could mail it Sat and ask her to open Tues morning. (Oh, see if it’s legal to mail helium.)<br>
This may sound awfully silly, but it’s our nonsense family traditions that keep us connected with our 2 college kids.</p>

7

<p>Went through this last year with S, now a college freshman: yes, a gnawing, bittersweet feeling, part melancholy, part nostalgia (cue the music: that last first day of school would of course bring me back to the first first day of school, last soccer game to kinder-soccer, etc.), part reluctance to let go (and all that comes with it: no longer being a mom in quite the same way, though of course always a mom) and part thinking about how much I’d miss the kid and how empty the house would feel without him. </p>

<p>And then S would do something to make me crazy (usually involving a violation of curfew or somesuch) which would escalate to a pitched argument about privileges and responsibilities and what it means to be an adult, and then all that melancholy would escape as steam out my ears. (Maybe this is more a S thing than a D thing). </p>

<p>But of course it would sneakily return for whatever the next “last” thing was, escalating as we got closer to graduation. The summer --and especially the last week before he left-- were by far the hardest. I put on a good face for him, because I didn’t want my apprehension to color his excitement, but I could cry at the drop of a hat those last few days. It was as if I were scheduled to have a piece cut out of me. And I wasn’t sure how I would go on being me without it.</p>

<p>And then he had a new first day of school and although I wasn’t there to witness it live, he sounded (and sounds) so happy and so in his element, somehow at home at school, that all is right with the world. And I am still me, no missing pieces. I’ve opened a Skype account (have only talked to him once via Skype --all the other calls have been via phone-- but I highly recommend it. Was so great and incredible to lay eyes on him). And I sent a care package. And I’ve made reservations for Parents’ Weekend.</p>

<p>But although I miss him like the dickens, I’m mostly really happy he’s happy. And that’s dispelled all the melancholy. In short, hang in there…enjoy your D…you and she will both be great. Take it from someone (newly) on the other side.</p>

8

<p>Turns out that I felt more sadness anticipating their leaving, than I am actually feeling now that the nest is empty.</p>

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<p>OP, our kids share a birthday. I had cookies sent to his dorm so he could host a little party. The first year away could be the hardest, as friendships just emerging.
I used a local bakery, but several sites deliver balloons with cookies/cake.</p>

10

<p>I attended my DD’s hs open house last week and felt incredibly melancholy as I was driving home after the event. When DD goes to college next fall, I’ll be an empty-nester. While I’m excited and happy for my DD and the new adventure she will embarking on next year, I can’t help but think about life after she goes:</p>

<ul>
<li>The house is going to be too quiet.</li>
<li>No one is going to snuggle up to me on the couch so we can watch our favorite TV show together.</li>
<li>I won’t have anyone to wake up in the mornings (and, yes, I still wake her up every morning for school - my request, not hers)</li>
<li>I won’t have anyone giving me that goodnight hug and kiss every night.</li>
</ul>

<p>Well . . . you get the point. I know there are many, many upsides to be an empty-nester, but I think I’m just going to have to wait until she’s gone before I can enjoy them.</p>

11

<p>Well, most kids in our city drive almost next week after turning 16 and taking themselves to all of their afterschool EC’s. So, we have before college time to think about our own after work activities. It kind of made it easier, since I have tried something that I thought I would be interested but apparently got too old for it and was not successful at all. So, after D. left, I have tried something else that I have never imagined to like and got very involved with it. So, yes try something new and exciting and have fun searching and participating. Best wishes to your D. and you.</p>

12

<p>Last night was our last open house for our senior son. I realized that we have been going to open houses for 20 years. Three kids and I never missed one of them! Yes, I have been feeling quite melancholy this fall. Last first-day-of-school picture, last homecoming next week, etc. I don’t think it has much to do with how well he is prepared for college, it’s more selfish then that - it’s how my world is going to change without any kids in the house. With my older two kids, I was sad but I would say to myself, “Well youngest son is still home”. That consolation doesn’t work anymore.</p>

<p>I’ve been making a point of asking my friends that are now empty-nesters about their transition it’s helped to hear some idea’s and positive experiences. My plan is to make some fall plans for my husband and myself for next year. I think I will need something not just to take my mind off of young son’s absence but something to look forward to.</p>

13

<p>Awwww… my youngest is 17. I just went to my last back-to-school night. Sigh… many ‘lasts’ are looming and I’ve no other younger kiddo to focus on to take the sting away…
… time to get a dog? ;)</p>

14

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<p>LOL. Exactly what I was thinking. My cat just doesn’t quite cut it for fulfilling my need to be needed. :)</p>

15

<p>I know several empty nest families with new dogs. They fill a pretty big hunk of time and space in the heart.</p>

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<p>The gnawing anticipation during senior year of experiencing the “last” of everything was only slightly painful compared to the emptiness now. On Monday, we skyped to watch Castle together. That’s “OUR” show. Today, she sent me a card telling me I have always been her best friend and it will always be that way - so now I am crying. She is at a great school and loves it, her teachers, her classes, her new friends and I am so happy that everything is working out just the way she and I planned. She calls and texts regularly so I hear first hand that conservatory is everything wonderful she thought it would be. However, the years go by too fast. Enjoy every minute of it - the good and the not so good. Hugs to all of you moms.</p>

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<p>Off the subject here, but glad to know we are not the only ones with that ritual :)</p>

<p>Another thing I should share I guess :slight_smile: When we brought our current HS sophomore from the hospital almost 16 years ago(he was our first child after fully enjoying almost 6 years of married life without a kid) he made a HUGE number 2 and we were about to change him totally by ouerselves for the first time, I shared this sentiment with my husband " I can’t wait till he is off to college".
I loved him to pieces, but still he was a humongous change in my life. Do you think I will still fell the same a couple of years down the road? ;)</p>

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<p>Maybe I’m a bad mother but I’m feeling the opposite way! I do have another child who will be here at home for another three years after this one is launched, but I think our Senior and I both need some time away from each other.</p>

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<p>lol, dke, you’re not a bad mother, just an honest one. I didn’t feel at all sad when my older child went off: it was exciting for all of us. It’s different with the last one, for me. Just the other day I realized that I hadn’t run the dishwasher for a couple of days because DS was away & DH and I didn’t use up many dishes. I had a flash back to our pre-children days when we used so few dishes that we washed them by hand and put them in the dishwasher to dry. Within a year, we’ll be back to those days…</p>

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<p>The senior of my family this year is my middle child and he’s always been the intelligent, confident and independent one, so we all believe he’ll be great in college. I think there was a bit of senior year melancholy back when my oldest was a senior, since she was always taking care of her younger siblings who didn’t want her to leave! But we seen to almost look forward to this one moving away, since we know he’ll have a great time and do great things with a bit more independence.</p>