<p>I am going through the same stress at home with S who is deciding on which college. Major problem with him is that he actually had a chance at both Princeton and Notre Dame(due to fencing), so when those two not admitted letters came home, it was really a let down. He is turning away from two other really great schools that accepted him (BC and JHU), and instead, will be going to a school we through in as a safety, Lehigh. He got into their IBE program (integrated Business & Engineering) and is going in as a Deans Scholar. </p>
<p>On top of having the college stress, my high school lacrosse team (that is in it’s second year and we fund by begging for money)actually didn’t put my daughter on Varsity. We only had JV last year, and this year we begged for enough money to have JV and Varsity. We couldn’t believe that the coach, after two weeks of practice in ice and snow and wind-chill temps in the 20’s…picked out who was on varsity and who was on JV. My daughter (whom we thought at pneumonia at the beginning of the 2nd week of practice) wasn’t placed on Varsity. She’s not the best on the team, but she is very good and should have made Varsity. Most of the other girls who made Varsity, turned their noses down on the JV girls and really reamed them. These are the same girls that were on the inugural team last year. Our school wouldn’t even have lacrosse if it wasn’t for kids like my daughter who played hard and fought and did a ton of fund raising.</p>
<p>My good friend who is the President of the Lacrosse League (which funds the $$ and is also hiding the $$ from the Board of Education, so that we can beg them for more $$), turned her back on me when my daughter was dissed. So now, however, the Varsity team is being beat by scores of about 22-3 per game, and my daughter is the shing star of JV, and is the leading goal scorer for JV…and she has more than any girl on Varsity. She was also the 2nd leading goal scorer last year, on the inagural team, and she was the leading goal scorer the previous two-years during middle school.</p>
<p>Sorry for whining, but this whole year has been rough and to have egotistical Moms, lacrosse players, and coaches hurting my daughter for no apparent reason has added to the stress that I am under. </p>
<p>Feel your pain, mommy, but you gotta admit it, living well is the best revenge.
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<p>I am having a bit of the grouchies, as we try and make decisions. D seems much calmer than I am, and since she was unable to pick the one she liked best, (all good choices), she is instead using the elimination process.</p>
<p>But yeah, it’s hard to feel interested in school anymore, she is SO DONE… APs are around the corner…so gotta keep that candle burning:)</p>
<p>Mommy pain- So many of us know just how you feel with your D. I want to pass on to you the valuable words NorthStarMom once gave to me. I wish I could find her exact post, so I won’t be as eloquent. </p>
<p>I had posted about my S and experiences he had had with similar disappointments - not making varsity one year, not making top jazz band one year… She said that she saw in my S a kid with resilience, who had learned from these experiences and would have gained strength from them. She said that he will have real advantages over kids who arrive at college never having suffered a setback. Those kids, who have walked only the yellow-brick road and known nothing but easy success, will have their setbacks and may have no idea how to handle or rebound. She is, of course, so correct. </p>
<p>I thanked her at the time; it really helped me see my S’ experiences in a different light. But I figure the best way I can thank her is by passing what she gave me on to others.</p>
<p>PS Lehigh’s IBE program was truly impressive. Congrats to your S.</p>
<p>The politics and crazy coach/parent actions you outline are oh so true, and yet when sharing with others, as a mom I really don’t want to come accross as whining about the unfairness of life- yet I can still be gob-smacked by the unfairness of life!</p>
<p>Luckily I had one kid who was somewhat “dissed” (on varsity, but suffered emotionally with the coach) and my second in a real star, so I was able to talk to good people at school coming in as the parent of a star and explaining why my DD changed sports to avoid the “bad” coach. So many times, so much angst could be relieved if they could only be open and honest in explaining why things happened- for instance maybe he felt your daughter would learn and gain so much as the JV star enabling her to be the varisty star the nest year, whereas she would have struggeled for playing time on Varsity- maybe not, maybe he is just a jerk, but if it were the former, wouldn’t everythign have been nicer if he could have shared his thoughts!!</p>
<p>I am so sorry other parents played that game, that is one thing I have alwaysn efforted to do- respect all the kids for doing their best- whereever that places them on the teams and respect their parents for being involved and part of the group. To bad some of your varsity parents are so immature as to need that nid of oneupsmanship!</p>
<p>Good luck and keep those kids resilient- living well is the best revenge!</p>
<p>The problem is that our team is new. It was the inuagural team last year (JV) and we had about 20 girls.</p>
<p>The parent’s organization pushed fundraising so that we could support both a JV and Varsity team (for this year). We broke our butts soliciting, etc., (the school district is not wealthy…we send our kids to a town that is not as well off as our town…and that that our town is well off, by the way, just not as lower income as our host school). Anyway, we got the money but now we only have 30 girls…for both Varisty and JV. The coaches broke them down after the first two weeks of practice (in snow and ice)…All but five of the girls from last year made it up to Varsity. They really aren’t Varsity material…or at least no more than my daughter (by the way, I have two daughters on JV…the younger one is a freshman, and I totally believe in her paying her dues on JV). The Varsity team usually looses by scores of 17-2 or somewhere in that vicinity. JV is holding their own. My daughter is the leading goal scorer on JV. There are only maybe 3-5 girls on Varsity that are actually somewhat better than she is. It was really a matter of preference.</p>
<p>The sad part is is that we had to hustle so much to prove a point that we could have JV and Varsity, and now our girls are being used. All girls must play the entire game. There are NO Substitutes. We’ve played teams that every now and then send in a whole new fresh line-up. Our girls are being run ragged. (and I am talking both Varsity and JV). The coaches should have just had a thing where some girls play varsity at some games, and then some play JV at others. Instead they made a HUGH DISTINCTION between who is Varsity and who is JV. And guess what? A lot of the Varsity girls are on winter color guard (which is still in competition) and Band. About 7 of the Varsity girls left yesterday for Atlanta, and won’t be home until Monday. Talk about priorities?!!!</p>
<p>Anyway, my two girls are shining and thriving on JV. It is going to hurt at the end of the season, when they have to watch the Varsity girls get their “Varsity Letters”.</p>