Anyone care to help? (Common App essay critique)

<p>This is my first post on CC and I was wondering if any parents here wanted to help me by giving me feedback/proofreading my Common App personal statement (significant experience). Frankly, I’m posting here because I’m wary of giving my essay to those who have just joined and are of my age. </p>

<p>Thanks and let me know if you want help!</p>