<p>With all of these celebration threads, one feels sheepish about asking for a shoulder…my S’s not happy with his few acceptances, which happen to be decent schools, but none right up his alley. Got rejected or WL-ed at his top choices…don’t want him to head off to school with a “sloppy seconds” attitude, but I do feel for him, he was so jazzed a few weeks ago, now, the blahs have set in. Anyone else going thru similar?</p>
<p>proudma~</p>
<p>In the face of all of this celebration it is sobering to remember that not everyone’s college app. process came out as s/he had hoped. </p>
<p>{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} to you and your son–I’m sorry that his top choices did not come through for him. My guess is that within a very short while, you son’s spirits will lift, and he will be able to examine the positives of the choices that he DOES have. If that DOESN’T happen, and he feels that he really IS settling, there is always the possibility of a gap year in which to enhance his experiences and give some top choices another shot next year. Either way, I hope he finds the path to happiness.</p>
<p>fondly, ~berurah</p>
<p>Thanks, berurah…the hugs, especially, help. They say most kids wind up with a good match, even if they don’t see it at first. There is that gap year to consider, but it’s difficult to distinguish real misgivings from a burst bubble. I guess a bit of time will tell.</p>
<p>proudma~</p>
<p>I know this may not help because in the end, our outcome was different, but it looked for awhile last year like my son might be in your son’s position (before the RD acceptances came in). I just wanted to tell you that my son became very pragmatic at that point, and we really researched and discussed the options that we THOUGHT he would have at the end. And, even if the acceptances (or the money) had not come through in the RD round, my son was prepared to make the best of things. I tell you this because I think it is VERY likely that your son will do the same, given a bit of time. And once he does, I truly believe that he can find unexpected happiness just about anywhere. Give him a bit of time to work through his justifiable disappointment (and letdown after this arduous process)…I think things will begin to look much better then. I hope so!</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>I would tell him college admission is such a crap shoot, highly qualified candidates have been rejected for one reason or another. Make the best of the opportunity you have. My S was
not selected for an internship position at school and was down for a while only to have another one waiting for him that was much more suited. He may blossom with high grades and be well postioned for grad school if he chooses. Unless he has compelling reason it will put him over the top,I don’t favor taking gap year only to get hopes up falsely and be rejected again one yr later. Transfer might be an option.</p>
<p>I hear that there’s often a social-integration difficulty with transferring, the students already know one another and have formed cliques. I don’t really want to emphasize the possibiluty of transferring, since I don’t want him to spend the year non-commitally because he thinks he’s be moving on the next. But, yes, he can come to that conclusion if need be, on his own.</p>
<p>As a parent, I think it appears now to be a lesson in life’s disappointments. I think it likely tho, that some alternative will come around for student that will help him forget this disappointment. As adults we want our offspring to have the very best, and every possible opportunity, but we realize life doesn’t always go that way.
Even now, I’d like to drive a new Cadillac, but can’t afford it. I do the best I can with what I’ve got available.</p>
<p>My D felt a sting that things did not go as she ultimately hoped. Lasted two days, then she adjusted. She is now excited about her remaining opportunities.</p>
<p>Part of what we try to teach as parents is how to roll with the punches.</p>
<p>The boy can always transfer after a year…</p>
<p>Let’s face it, the majority of kids aspiring to top colleges are in this boat. Things have sure changed since our day when we had much more certainty about where we could get in. Our kids live in a different era. International competition, jobs dissapearing as technology makes people obselete. My heart breaks for them but they will just learn to live this reality. The pragmatist in me says show him the copy of Fortune on my nightstand that says 50 year olds are done in the work force. The mom in me says just hug him and say it will all work out.</p>
<p>Don’t know how the timing works for you, but one suggestion I might offer is to have him attend the admitted students’ sessions at the colleges he got in. It can be very uplifting for the students to attend these sessions, and to start visualizing being there, surrounded by a bunch of other hs seniors who are usually thrilled to be there. It’s a great atmosphere, and might help him look to the future instead of dwelling on the “what if’s”. Best of luck.</p>
<p>To things to think about</p>
<p>Some of his disappointment may also be connected to the realization that he is leaving HS, friends going in different directions, leaving home, that kind of thing, everything is tied up together</p>
<p>and I would hope that the Clique thing would be over with in college…any college that has that kind of clique attitude would not be a place I would want to transfer to, or even go to, why repeat highschool</p>
<p>sure, it may be a bit of work to assimilate, but that would be okay- with more of a focus on interests and degree in mind,</p>
<p>A second on the “admitted students” thing. Even back earlier during the info tours, there were schools where D could see herself with the other applicants, others where she couldn’t. The worst was at a school that I don’t think is too bad–NYU–but there was <em>nobody</em> at the largish info session/tour that she felt the least bit simpatico with at all. At her runner up, Wellesley, she kept looking for something like the sense of connection that she got repeatedly at Smith or with Smithies and it never came…there was nothing <em>wrong</em> with W (outside the performing arts), but just a prolonged absence of “click” (as opposed to “clique”).</p>
<p>Sometimes the gut is figuring out all the below-the-level-of-consciousness stuff for us.</p>
<p>My daughter didn’t get her first choice, did not like being rejected or wait listed anymore than anyone does. She toured the accepted schools one more time and then made her choice…she has not looked back since, she took advantage of the honors program, the prof and graduate student face time, picked courses based upon her interests and opportunities and is very happy. It is hard to believe that was just a year ago, she learned it is okay to cry but not to let the tears block your view of the opportunities that are still there. Your son will find the road to success has more than one speed bump.</p>