While my D is a yer away from leaving for college, she is looking only on the other side of the country for schools, except for her in-state safeties. H is a white-knuckle flier and is already stressing about flying over mountain ranges and being on a plane for a flight lasting many hours to get her to her college. D has a great idea-we should DRIVE, so 1) her dad won’t stress and 2) she can bring more stuff. Especially clothes.
I love traveling and have driven cross-country many times, twice alone, but I’m not sure we’d survive that long of a drive together. My older D flew, brought the basics on the plane and we either shipped a few things to her or she pick them up there in her college town. That seems more efficient to me. But just maybe it would be fun with all of us driving, then H and I flying back? We could do some sightseeing and make a vacation out of it.
I looked at old threads and I found a few about the KIDS driving alone, but not entire families. Has anyone done this and had it work out well? We obviously have a long time to figure it out, but I don’t want D and H to get set on this plan just yet, and they’re headed that way.
It’s a 4-5 day drive for your daughter, but an 8 day plus drive for you to go there and back (why will your husband fly back but not there?). She would arrive tired and hot and cranky. Unless you drive an RV, your car will still have limited space for 3 people, stuff for the trip for 3 people, and all the college stuff.
You could rent a car one-way and drive there and then return by train … Also, plan the route well and make a last family adventure out of it: museums, nature preserves, mini-hikes, nice smaller hotels or B&Bs. Some of the most fun trips we have done cross country included the Amana colonies in Iowa, a fabulous dinner in Lincoln, NE, Zion NP on one trip and Springfield, Illinois, Independence, MO, Denver and Santa Fe on another. I love road trips and there is so much to see.
I would not ship bed linens and cook ware but buy everything at a TJ Maxx or Marshall’s upon arrival.
We drove there to drop off her car but we stayed at motels along the way.
We had the container store ship her items to the school before the start date. Those were ready for her when we got there.
The car was too small for three people, so Dad flew. Unless you are planning to take the large SUV, I would recommend two only in the car. It gets dirty really fast. (Cooler, pillows, jackets, sandals, immediate toiletries in back seat of car).
We drove around 2,000 miles for 2 of the kids now graduated and enjoyed the trips very much. Rented a large SUV for the trip with unlimited mileage for the first drop-offs. It was crowded in the car for the first drop off but after that very enjoyable vacations for us that we often combined with side trips to places we’d not been. Multiple drivers makes it even easier but it depends on the tolerance for the people in the car how much mileage you can knock off in a day. I flew the entire family to Colorado once for a vacation and all three kids said never again, they simply hate flying and all the hassles and schlepping and would happily drive 18 hours straight switching drivers and do that with regularity. Me I can only go around 10 hours before I can’t take it anymore and am happy to stop in a hotel. I also could never do a turn-around after a long distance haul so always planned at minimum two weekends and a week in between for recovery.
If she takes more stuff, then there is more to deal with storing and transporting later. I vote dad stays home or deals with the flights. I drove about 1/3 of the way across for D1 (no easy flights into her college city anyway, and my parents live halfway). But for D2, it seemed crazy to drive from the Midwest to SoCal. Just a non-starter.
H staying home is a non-starter. This is his only child, even if he does have to fly, he will see her off. We would likely rent a car one-way and fly home, unless H really, really wants to make a driving vacation of it. He has not seem most of the US-he doesn’t like to fly and he grew up in a family not able to afford family vacations. So there’s that. We drove around the south for 2 weeks last summer in a rental and it went ok. But for H, the less flying, the better.
But D’s IDEA to to take more stuff, Mom and Dad get to reign her in on that, so either way we’d likely ship to store for wherever she ends up. I’m all about adventure and would happily drive, but I’m not so sure all that togetherness would be worth it in the end. We’ll end up doing the most practical thing, but was just wondering if anyone had actually done the full coast to coast trip as a college drop off.
I love a good road trip and look for reasons to take them – the longer the better. Love driving and so long as I can have my music and my coffee I am good to go. I do prefer a leisurely road trip where we are not racing against the clock - if I see a place that looks interesting I want to stop.
While we fly on most of our vacations I would not hesitate to plan a cross country road trip that included a college drop off. If you have a decent size SUV it should be totally “doable” as far as space is concerned. Sounds like a good time to me!
If a 2-week road trip worked out well for your family, I don’t see why you shouldn’t drive cross-country for this trip. But I agree with the others that if 3 of you are going, Mom and Dad’s luggage is going to take up a lot of the room that D is now eyeing for her extra stuff. Will she be as enthusiastic about driving if she learns that she’ll only get to take a little more stuff than if she flew?
As you know, S is about to drive coast-to-coast for his year of service. He has found a friend to drive with him and H and I don’t have to go, but I will be a total wreckage for the week they’re on the road. If your D has to travel, I would try to make it a bit longer so that you get some time to do some sightseeing.
I guess I’m a horrible parent, but if my kid chose to go to college all the way across the country, our goodbyes would take place at the airport closest to our home. With only one airline ticket to pay for, there would be plenty of money left to pre-ship as much “stuff” as my kid wanted. There are lots of freshmen at every college who arrive on their own–because parents can’t take the time off from work or afford the journey, because they are traveling from out of the country, etc. And given that the conventional wisdom says parents should unload the kid’s stuff and then make themselves scarce, I can’t see the point in turning the move-in experience into some massive family travel event. OP’s kid will be traveling on her own many times for summer and vacation breaks, so what’s the big deal?
If you fly Southwest, you will be able to take six checked bags in total for three flyers. In addition you will each have a carryon bag and one personal item.
I would suggest you fly both ways. If your husband can fly one way…he can fly round trip. I would also suggest your husband discuss his flying anxiety with his doctor. There are good, non addictive medications to ease anxiety for those who are anxious when they fly.
If you drive, even one way…it’s going to need to be in a larger vehicle than a car…and especially if your daughter wants to drive so she can take extra “stuff”.
I moved a kid 3000 miles away for college…but only two of us went (dad stayed home). Two checked bags each and two carryon bags did the trick for the clothing and school stuff. Driving just was going to take too long…and be too stressful for everyone else.
As an aside, we moved a kid a 1000 mile driving trio from home…and it was not a fun drive. We spent two days driving in each direction…and two days at the destination. I will NOT make that drive again.
I love all the different viewpoints on CC. Good point about SW-but really, it’s DD who thinks she will get to take “more stuff” not us! I’ve taken to heart the advice I’ve seen here about piling it all up and removing half before actually packing.
I’ve talked to H about getting some meds for his fear. But like I said, for this he’ll fly; he hates it, but he’ll do it.
MommaJ, interesting that you seem to think it’s like DD’s “fault” that she wants to go to school far away. But, well, we want to both be there, and in fact, DD’s top choice has a program for parents that first day, and a ceremony in which the parents say goodbye. So not all colleges hope the parents just unload and leave.
Harvest-I’d be planning it right now if I knew where we’d be driving. Think of all those cheesy roadside attractions and local foods and fairs we’ll pass!
Sylvan, good luck to your S. Let me know if I can be of any more help about his NW destination. Curious where he ends up!
Good that you have a year to solve this. Honestly, your daughter will be able to fit more into the two large checked bags on SW than in the car (the bags won’t fit).
Reminder…when you rent a car, make sure the trunk opening is large enough to fit the suitcases through!! Or rent a minivan!
Our DD went to college on the opposite coast and we thought it was the best choice for her. Her orientation, with parent programs, was the two days before classes started. Still, my husband didn’t go. It worked for us.
I flew with one daughter to her drop off last year, and the 4 bags for our SW flight barely fit into the car to the airport. We had flown earlier in the summer to my parents’ house and left them there, so the SUV on the way to the school, 2 hours farther, was packed. Yes, taking much less this year, but still, we got way more onto the SW flights than we would have into our car, especially if we needed to have 3 people riding for a long way in the car.
I still think that even at a leisurely pace of 5-7 days for a cross country ride, it is going to be a long long ride and she’ll be tired at the end, but having to start school immediately. Many years ago I drove from Maryland to Oregon for law school, and it was a long long long drive. I had a friend in St. Louis so stayed there a day or two, then drove to Denver where I probably stayed 4-5 day, then 2 more LONG days to Oregon. There is stress in just having to get there, without car trouble. It’s HOT in August when you are driving. There is road construction everywhere. All those fun places you want to stop and see are the same places others want to stop and see.
The expense of that long of a driving trip could far exceed the cost of flying out. Think gas, wear and tear on car, and all the hotels along the way - and back again. Not to mention the cost of everyone’s time and sanity. I vote that H sucks it up and flies.
OP, could you imagine your family taking an Amtrak train ride across the country? I learned the hard way I don’t do well on trains, but that is mostly because I was riding with my mother on the trip from H E C K, but it might be a fun adventure for your family. My sister and her family took many 3 week trips cross country using trains and saw so much of the country. They got off the train, rented a car, stayed overnight at different national parks, etc. Would that kind of travel suit your husband better? Just something to consider.
I love a road trip, however, not sure I do in this instance…totally agree with prospect1 - brutal on your car and the rental rates for SUVs in August are the highest of any time of year 1K+ per week and that is not including collision which you would want even with the best insurance usually. Fly, and take time to shop and go around places when you get there. A leisurely move in sounds wonderful. You will spend a fortune in time and money getting there. Asking the doc for a scrip of 5 or so (round trip) Xanax or Lorazapam is a lot cheaper. I think 2k miles in a car is so much more dangerous with all the big trucks! And the heat and construction mentioned above - yikes.
