Anyone else concerned about technology?

Parent Cafe
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<p>Since it’s been brought up in a few posts I thought it might be interesting to see what other parents are thinking about blogs, cell phones, IMing, e-mail, etc.</p>

<p>I have noticed that there has been a lot of articles (including notes home from school) warning parents about the things I mentioned above. How is a parent supposed to know what there kids are doing when the kids are getting calls on their cell phones for example? When I was a teenager my parents knew who was calling & had a much better handle on who I was hanging out with. I guess you could say the same with IMing, e-mail, and blogs.</p>

<p>Concerning blogs, we just got a note home telling us to talk to our kids (high school age) about the content of their blogs. For those of you who don’t know what they are or have never seen one - I suggest you ask your kids about them. They are like a personal diary and the kids friends can read them and leave messages. I am personally appalled at what the kids are saying in them. They write about everything! </p>

<p>I am not one for suggesting that we go back in history, but I will say that I am glad that my children are almost grownups. Not that I will still not worry about them:)</p>

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<p>My DDs (14 and 16) said they would never put anything in a blog…why share stuff with strangers. </p>

<p>We had a big issue with blogs (D goes to private school)…kids had pictures of drinking, inappropriate behavior, smoking, all kinds of stuff we would never have documented when we were young. The school sent home letters, and saying they had looked at the blogs, and if they saw any illegal activity, they would notify the parents asap, as it was their responsibility to report it. As well, they had no qualms about notifying police if they thought they saw illegal activity. If the kids said, hey wasn’t it fun getting wasted on Friday, the school would notify the parents. They looked at the blogs because several kids complained about teasing, things being said about them that weren’t true, their names being used without their permission, etc. </p>

<p>And they were told to not mention the school, not mention other students names unless they had their parents permission, etc. Man, did those blogs clean up quick.</p>

<p>I don’t know if the school needed to follow through much more, because the nastiness of the blogs disappeared mighty quick.</p>

<p>IMing is pretty good, you can block someone creepy (my Ds have had to), but you have to trust your kids. </p>

<p>With the cell phone, I use it to my advantage. If Ds are out, they must call me when they change locations, get on a bus, go into the movies, etc. If I don’t hear in a timely fashion, they lose some freedom. They have learned to check in. And do so often.</p>

<p>I agree, it can be pretty scary.</p>

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<p>Yeah, I have an AIM account with most of my kids friends on my buddy list. I have seen just about every blog, journal, photo album, etc. of every high schooler in town and then some, since they all link to each other. </p>

<p>It’s been an eye opener. I probably know more about some kids than their own families do. Even more than my own kids do also since they use the technology but don’t always pay attention to what other people write. Sometimes I wish I didn’t know things and sometimes I wonder what to do with the information I do have. But I decided long ago to do nothing since many kids exaggerate for dramatic purposes :)! </p>

<p>I also talk to my kids online since they often write things they would never speak. It’s great. </p>

<p>There is no privacy on the internet, but there are many who don’t know how to access the information on their own kids. It pays to become computer savvy.</p>

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<p>I have really good kids, but I just can’t imagine what a parent does if they have a child into drugs, porno, drinking and the like. Taking the computer away doesn’t mean much because they can use their friends, etc. You are quite right mladyd - it pays to be computer savvy. The only problem is that the kids seem to catch on to things before parents. While I would never suggest spying on kids where do you draw the line. I’m not sure I wouldn’t spy on their stuff if I thought they were in trouble. I know that people don’t think it’s right, but as a parent I do believe that it is my right to know. citymomsgirl - couldn’t live without the cell it is a parents best friend (if used properly). My sister’s daughter would turn it off so she didn’t have to get a call from her, and let me tell you I told my sons if they don’t answer they are in BIG trouble. Of course, if they are somewhere they turn it to vibrate mode. The only thing is sometimes we forget to do that and it starts ringing:( Happened to us at a college honor’s presentation and of course, we were sitting right in the front section. My son couldn’t get the dumb thing out of his pants pocket - talk about embarassing!</p>

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<p>My wife was somewhat concerned because my younger daughter was going through some personality changes (hitting puberty). I showed her how to use the IE history to access my daughter’s blog. After reading the usual teenage stuff (who likes who, etc.), I told her we shouldn’t read any further. Unless you are suspicious of harmful activity, the kids deserve some privacy. It’s the same as listening through their door or picking up the phone extension surrepticiously when they’re on. My policy is inspired by our 40th president: “Trust, but verify”. If I’m satisfied nothing serious is going on, I try not to pry.</p>

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<p>For the young people, I think the technological advances are wonderful and provide opportunities we never had. They also provide a sort of equalizing force - information is power, and it is becoming accessible to a wider pool. It also gives kids more independence, which is also good for them PROVIDING they have the values and common sense instilled by good parenting. Did parents ever know everything their teenagers were up to? I don’t think the technology is to blame for rebelliousness or poor judgement.
For us old folks, the whole tech thing is kind of tough to keep up with.
I’ve realized that I’ll never be as technologically fluent as my children, but then I don’t have to be. So far, they’ve been kind and patient with me. :slight_smile: I see my responsibility as teaching my kids any sort of “etiquette” surrounding the technology that they may not have the sophistication or experience yet to figure out on their own, and so far we’ve been pleased with their responsiveness to requests we felt we had to make. it’s sort of like any other priviledge - driving, dating, staying in other’s homes - their are some quidelines and rules that go along with the use of all these toys. In the balance, it’s been a positive, I think.</p>

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<p>Privacy is a tricky issue, but once you realize your friends and neighbors may be reading your kids journals it put things into perspective. lol.</p>

<p>Another thing I should mention, I have come to realize that almost all kids are ‘good kids’. The ones with the bad reputations may write beautiful poetry. Others who are known partiers might write about their insecurities and hopes for the future. I’ve gained new respect for almost all of them. Reading these public posts isn’t always a negative.</p>

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<p>I think there are many important lessons to be learned from online journals, most of them concerning privacy. I’ve had blogs of my own, and I won’t go into detail, but there are few things as mortifying as hearing that everyone in your grade read your wistful description of that boy with the chai-colored skin and pink-stained cheeks and soft black eyelashes…the boy you didn’t put a name on but naively identified in painful detail. (I was a sad, lonely, and hopelessly romantic freshman.) With the exception of such episodes, blogs are a great way to keep up with people you don’t see enough of–and even for the ones you do see, there is a sort of openness online that you don’t usually see in person. For privacy, sites like [url="<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/“]LiveJournal[/url”&gt;http://www.livejournal.com/"]LiveJournal[/url</a>] have a “friends-only” option, making your blog off-limits to everyone except a personalized list of usernames. Mine is public, but then I don’t write anything remotely private in it–or if I do, I try to make it cryptic. It’s definitely important to take precautions, but the dangers shouldn’t be exagerated.</p>

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<p>A couple of years ago we put monitoring software on our computer. We told the kids we were putting it on there. This software plays back screenshots taken every 10 seconds or so. You just hit “play” like with a VCR and it shows what’s been going on with the computer.</p>

<p>We don’t check it all that often…just an occasional run through to see what’s going on. It keeps the kids honest though, since they know we might see anything they do.</p>

<p>In our case, we live in the country and our kids don’t spend a lot of time at friends’ houses, so most of their computer use is at home. They grumble about the software sometimes, but they know the purpose.</p>

<p>In our family, we believe that pornography is very dangerous, and the temptation for teenaged boys to seek it out is too great for most of them to resist. I thought it was interesting the other day that my 18 y/o S asked me if I had yet installed the monitoring software on his 15 y/o brother’s new computer. I told him I hadn’t done it yet. He told me I needed to do that right away. He said that he doesn’t think his brother is looking at anything he shouldn’t be, but he just doesn’t want him to be tempted to do it because he can. And this after 18 y/o has moaned and whined about his privacy being violated for 2 years!</p>

<p>As to cell phones, we get a statement that lists all the calls for each phone and we ask to know who each number on that list represents. When there have been kids that we didn’t want our kids hanging out with, we asked them not to be calling those people anymore if they want to keep their cell phones. That has worked out well so far.</p>

<p>The software we use is called Spector 2.0 and it is available online. I don’t think I’ve seen it in stores.</p>