<p>I am worrying about what I sense as a lack of desire/motivation to work on the part of one of our kids. I don’t think the kid is hungry enough. The student puttered away the better part of last summer with very part-time employment, and has been told that is NOT an option this summer – yet there seems to be no planning, research or exploration of possible opportunities for the upcoming summer. The kid does not work during the school year, and does not help around the house without making a fuss.</p>
<p>When I was this kid’s age, if I didn’t work, I had no spending money. This child is not a big spender, so short of kicking the child out of the house and forcing the kid to find and pay for a place to live, I don’t know how to force the issue.</p>
<p>My concern is that this kid needs to be self-supporting after college, and I am starting to wonder if the desire is there, and if there will be a sufficient work history accumulated for this kid to get a job.</p>
<p>Is your kid in college yet? We insisted that our kids supply their own spending money and pay for their own books in college. If they didn’t work (or save if they came into money via gifts, etc.), they would be out of luck on those items. We also insisted on some kind of paying job the summer before college, and pushed pretty hard to make sure they started looking shortly after Christmas to get something lined up. If there is no motivation, then a lot of kids will just sit it out… However, the spending money thing is their choice. If they choose to live frugally, who are we to say that they ought to be out busting their tails for money? There ARE other more interesting things to do in life…</p>
<p>Regarding after college graduation, I am taking pretty much the same tactic as my parents. They were pretty tough on us after college, but it has definitely resulted in all their kids being responsible, employed adults. It was made very clear that we were on our own after 4 years of their funding our education, so we had better pick a major and get our work done (no 5th year, that would be on our dime), and be ready to get a job at the end, because they weren’t going to support us! I sent pretty much the same message to my kids. Most people will take a free ride if they can… All you can do is limit the resources you provide and make it clear to them what is their responsibility vs yours.</p>
<p>I wish I knew the answer to the OP’s question. DS has always been easy-going, from babyhood on, and he just doesn’t have any fire in his belly. He has cvery ambitious career goals but his first semester grades aren’t going to get him into grad school to reach them. </p>
<p>My worries are now doubled since I suspect that he has discovered pot in his first semester.</p>
<p>"The student puttered away the better part of last summer with very part-time employment, and has been told that is NOT an option this summer – yet there seems to be no planning, research or exploration of possible opportunities for the upcoming summer. "</p>
<p>Why should your kid work if there are no consequences for not working full time? If your kid is responsible for spending money and for paying part of the costs of his future or present college education, he may chose to work or he may chose to take out loans, but either way, he’ll be bearing the consequences of his behavior.</p>
<p>My college junior S last summer worked only part time-- passing up several potential opportunities because they weren’t in the field that he plans to work in-- even though he’s responsible for paying for his books, food (lives in an on campus apartment) and entertainment during the school year. </p>
<p>As a result, S has had an extremely tight budget this school year. In fact, I think that’s why he sat around the house during Christmas vacation, going out only once with friends, and that was when a mentor paid for it. </p>
<p>I think he has learned his lesson. If he hasn’t, it’s his problem, not mine.</p>
<p>“I am worrying about what I sense as a lack of desire/motivation to work on the part of one of our kids. I don’t think the kid is hungry enough. The student puttered away the better part of last summer with very part-time employment, and has been told that is NOT an option this summer – yet there seems to be no planning, research or exploration of possible opportunities for the upcoming summer.”</p>
<p>Same concerns in my house, except she can be QUITE motivated to work for social reasons ( not so much for money), doesn’t have a problem helping around the house ( usually when asked),</p>
<p>“This child is not a big spender, so short of kicking the child out of the house and forcing the kid to find and pay for a place to live, I don’t know how to force the issue.” </p>
<p>Same same…We gave NO money last semester, and when her summer savings ran out, she wore shoes with holes in them. She’s okay with the loans…</p>
<p>And since my folks couldn’t/didn’t pay for my school, and it never occurred to me to ask them for money, I wonder if the fire just “happens” and you can’t/ or it’s too late to really force it.</p>
<p>I think it is entirely within parents’ realm to insist that their kids help with chores around the house and if important, that they hold down a summer job. As to whether kids that don’t do this will not be successful in college or in the real world is less tangible. My sister never worked a day in her life before college. She had one job that lasted less than a week and that was the end of “working summer jobs.” Never had any spending money either because our parents did not give us allowances, but always found a boyfriend to pay the way to the movies or whatever. She did very well in college and managed to find a husband who cleans and cooks and does laundry. My sister has a high level position and is highly compensated and well liked at work by her reports and CEO…so who knows. I would be much more concerned if I had a kid that couldn’t manage to get homework done, was tardy for classes because they couldn’t get it together in the morning. We do absolutely insist that if we ask the kids to help do something whether it’s rake, or shovel snow, or load or unload the dishwasher, clean up their rooms, etc. that they do it no questions asked, ho whining, no backtalk but that has been in force since they were young enough to help clear the table, sweep a floor etc. so by the time they got to be moody teenagers the helping around the house was already entrenched.</p>