I personally witnessed 2 very disturbing things at stores in the last 8 days while “Christmas” shopping. Last week, I’m lining up to pay at a store at Stanford Shopping Center and some guy, must have been 75 years old says to the cashier “Merry Christmas” and she replied back “Happy Holidays”. He proceeds to go off on the cashier, calling her all kinds of names and starts blabbing about how liberals and certain other ethnic groups have taken over, blah blah blah. Security finally had to escort him out.
Then this morning, I’m lining up at the Apple Store at Valley Fair, waiting in line to get my battery replaced on my iPhone. Some old guy all of a sudden accuses me of cutting in front of him, and continues to rant even though 2 other people told him he was wrong and the Apple person told him he was being very inappropriate. The weird thing is that he starts making racial remarks to me, even though we are of the same ethnicity (Chinese) and he was speaking in broken English as if he practicing swearing for the first time. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or smack him. I said my piece and let him rant. I wished I could say he was drunk but I sensed that that was his normal personality.
I guess the moral of the story is to not go to high end shopping centers anymore, too many loonies out there.
My heart goes out to those who experienced loss or serious stress over the holidays. I hope that you were able to find moments of peace and that the coming months are lighter.
This Christmas sucked. So much so that I’ve already got a 13 point bullet list of things that we’re doing differently next year. There will be some balking from my parents, but honestly, I don’t care. One of the main things that we’re doing differently is focusing on giving back and helping those less fortunate. We did some of that this year, but not nearly enough. We’re also scaling way back on the consumerism.
It always feels like a stressful time of year to me, but this year was especially tough. Making big changes so that it doesn’t happen that way again.
@2VU0609 post above # 79 sounded so much like an echo for me. It does get tired feeling like Christmas time is “the holidays by abasket” - meaning ALL the buying, decorating and omg, ALL the cooking!!! I too LOVE seeing family but with that all comes so much rinse and repeat of meals, dishes, picking up, etc. that I start feeling like an entertaining factory!!
I’ve been off since Dec. 21 and I feel like I have been in constant motion since. Tomorrow will be the first day without any obligation - though still plenty to do around the house. I sort of wish we could have the family time without all the intense details! I think I’ll be going back to work Jan. 2 feeling almost glad to just be away from the stove and dishwasher!
Any chance you can just go on a vacation or a cruise next year? Then you won’t be involved at all. I would really like to do that. I started shedding responsibilities a couple of years ago. No decorating (my husband and kids do it all), I stopped sending Christmas cards, too. Presents are fairly minor (shopping trip and money for kids, plus a few things), not too much for extended family. It still stresses me out because I’m working a lot around the holidays, and don’t feel like shopping, cooking or cleaning at all, but it’s better than it has been. However, I would just like to be gone for Christmas, and miss the entire event, personally. Or spend the time and money that I would have otherwise, donating and volunteering for a worthy organization.
Now that kiddos are out of college, I don’t do this any more (their insurance wouldn’t even cover it if they wanted to, I think). We used to run around and do these things every time they were home, and it is great now that they are adults with their own insurance that they can do this! (I suppose if a kid under 26 is still on parent insurance, then it makes sense – but mine are both on insurance through their work). Not that I haven’t helped the wee one (23 year old grad student) figure out how to make her first set of appointments this year, because I have. But still, nice to be past that at our house!
I’m just glad that these appointments got done because it’s very easy to just put things off and neglect doesn’t make things better. My kids can see providers where they live and and HI (or elsewhere). D does—don’t believe S does, except for some rate urgent care visits.
The season seemed boring to me this year. We did not entertain as usual only having D and family and one friend over… D and SIL have a 3 month old and are focused (as it should be) on him. D and SIL moved here in August and I am adjusting to having a SIL but mainly to having a very different relationship with D (as it should be). It just was not a laugh out loud time at any point. Next year I expect D and family to travel to the East coast to be with his side and I am already thinking of a place to be other than here. Last year was the first year ever that D was not home so we took S and his family to San Diego returning on Christmas Eve so that they could be with her family on the day.
It was a better year for me.
Maybe someday we would get to the point of a vacation at Christmas but that would be a family vacation. While I am complaining about the workload - there is definitely appreciation by my kids and family for all I do. I appreciate that. H could probably care less! So I do feel appreciated, just over all the process!! I don’t want anything less than being with them all during this time.
Also my mom (85) “needs” that traditional Christmas and would think a trip would be odd and we could never leave her at the holidays.
With all the whining above on any of my posts I have done some things to reduce the Christmas stress - cut out cards years ago, rope in my kids to help with the cookie baking, reduce the indoor decorating, etc.
Now I feel on the other side…WHO’S TAKING THIS TREE AND OTHER DECORATIONS DOWN?! ME!!! (probably on New Year’s Day)
Our family does not exchange gifts so there is no stress of shopping. I give my kids a little cash, though. A couple of years ago, I started buying “prizes” for the forced-family-fun games that I make them play. By my rules, everyone leaves with a “prize” which I don’t consider a gift because it was not purchased with any one person in mind. (btw–it is very difficult to buy prizes suitable for every age and gender. The biggest hit this year was a box of 10 scratch-off lottery tickets.) My stress comes from working full time and still having to clean and cook and worry that I’m forgetting something. And then clean up the mess before going to work the day after.
I have been divorced for 22 years. When the kids were small, they went to their dad’s every other Thanksgiving. My mom and I went to Las Vegas the Thanksgivings that the kids were not here. There were always tons of people in Las Vegas, so apparently a lot of people “go away” for holidays.
I just travelled half way across the world to be with my family at Christmas (nobody ever comes to me!) My mother had a very heavy cold and refused to see us until she was better (today!) My D was supposed to join us 12/23 and decided to stay back last minute (not happy!) - I’ll deal with that when I get home; instead of a big family gathering Christmas day, it was just me, H, S and my sister, very deflating. Today, with all 19 people available and feeing better, we were supposed to gather at my sister’s house for lunch. My sister told us 2pm, we, not knowing the areas at all, arrived at 2:15 to find the slow eaters finishing the remains of lunch from their plates! I was shocked!!! I said to my sister “you started without us?” - her response “I told you lunch was at 2pm”! Wow!!! 8hrs later - H, S and I are still reeling, LOL!
@momo2x2018 : That’s awful. And actually, it sounds just like something MY sister would do. Maybe we’re related! LOL I hope you have a pleasant trip home with no glitches. <hugs to="" you!="">
I said in an earlier thread that I just wanted to wake up and find that it is January already. Hey, that’s tomorrow!
I’m so sorry for those of you suffering from grief at this time. We were just busy, since D3 graduated in mid-December, but it feels petty to complain about. I didn’t get to do any baking and I miss having spritz cookies but that’s OK. The main problem is everyone wants to come to my house next year. That means 12 or more people, probably renting some other place, and days of stress and chaos. I like having a small and simple family Christmas with time and space to do other things. When you get too many people, it’s turns into a slow moving barge, and I need to escape!
I understand my mother much better now. She wanted to downsize and simplify and I remember being very sad about her not having a “real” tree anymore. Now I get it! I could totally do away with pine needles and just hang a few scent-sicles around the house instead. It seems I always run out of vacuum bags at Christmas and I need to order them online and let the dust, dander and pine needles accumulate in the meantime. Achoooo.
@momo2x2018, yikes! What a fiasco. At least that’s all behind you. I know the feeling. None of our families want to come to us. Our two kids come from 2 hours away and don’t want to hop in the car for an additional 3 hour drive to grandma’s or aunt’s house.
We took down the Christmas tree and I felt a weight off my shoulders. It always takes me longer to pack decorations away than to put them up!
Well my dad went in the hospital Christmas Eve and just got out late Friday. Now it’s home health and dr appointment time. So I’m wishing I only had the regular stress I normally go through.
momo2x2018, how defeating! I had something similar at a point, flying across the country for my mom’s birthday. As I was bringing things into the house on arrival, they decided to start on the cake, sans the candles and singing I had anticipated and brought along.
Love and support to all who are struggling during the holidays. I’d never heard about “Blue Christmas” services til this year. What a loving and compassionate way to find community (or solitude) at a difficult time.
For the first time in 35 years, we didn’t travel to my family in GA. Was just not up dealing with some of my sibs ands am dealing with lots of medical stuff. Will make a trip in Jan.-Feb. so I can see them in doses I can manage (and have a day to drive in between each place so I can decompress!). Hanukkah was early this year, so no overlap. We don’t do much in the way of gifts at all. We light our hannukiot, DH makes latkes, all is good. Going to my dad’s is increasingly stressful and chaotic, and preparing food has become a nightmare. It’s really hard for me to say no, so this was a big deal to step back.
S1 arrived on 12/25, left yesterday. I don’t know that we are much of a draw for him these days. He did help with setting up some tech. S2 met up with my niece and her DH in Budapest and Bratislava and is now at their house in Bavaria til 1/3, when he heads to Israel for Birthright. Then it’s back to the cold Eastern European winter. He sent us great pics and we chatted online the other night. He’s happy and healthy, and staying in regular contact.
Our 35th anniversary was a week and a half ago and we spent two weekends doing things to celebrate. DH is furloughed, so he is enjoying time to compress from the usual insanity. I bought some quilting supplies and have been sewing. The new Amazon Firestick is being put to good use as I have binge-watched all of Mrs. Maisel, am caught up on Victoria and still got to watch my sports.
I have done some things to reduce the Christmas stress - cut out cards years ago, rope in my kids to help with the cookie baking, reduce the indoor decorating, etc.