I want to get into the spirit of Christmas, I really do. But most years it comes on like a freight train which doesn’t appear until my teaching semester ends and then catches you unawares stuck on the train tracks. This year I didn’t finish grading until the 17th (later than usual) so I was in denial about how fast Christmas was approaching until last Thursday.
It all comes at you so fast and furious with so much that just HAS to get done that I hardly have time to enjoy any of it. I don’t even make cookies (although had to do SOME this year) and I barely decorate the house and don’t shop for many people or do cards. Still, I end up stressed and exhausted by the time it’s over. How did it come to be a test of endurance and will for so many of us?
With my son in the hospital since December 7, this holiday season has been horrendous. But today turned out better than I expected. The rest of us went skiing and had a good time. I didn’t think we had many presents to open, since I hadn’t done much, but my husband and two kids did their part for a change and present opening was very nice. I hope next Christmas is back to “typical” stress!
Today was stressful because a relative sent me a very expensive gift that I had told her twice to please not do this. I said: Do not buy X for me, please. And still she went forward and did this. And it’s not something that I can return, and she can’t afford this. I’ve been crying off and on all day. She meant for it to make me happy but the cost is outrageous and now I feel that I need to send her the money for it. Dear Abbey would probably tell me not to but I feel that I have to. It’s making me sick inside. I wish oh how I wish that presents weren’t a part of Christmas. It’s extremely stressful.
My husband passed away 6 months ago. I didn’t realize how much the holiday season was going to impact me until 4 days ago.i have done nothing but cry for the last 4 days but everyone else still expects everything to be normal with the Christmas parties, presents, etc. I just want it to be over and I hate to say it. I didn’t buy presents but over compensated with presents for our daughter.
I could not decorate the house because it was too painful, not to mention that all the Xmas boxes are under the house and I am not crawling into the creepy crawly spider space to get the boxes! I had to keep it together for the sake of my daughter but we both decided that we could not be home this Christmas so I escaped to my sisters, which meant I needed to buy presents for her family. I’m glad it’s over for this year.
@Dustyfeathers, it made your relative feel good about buying it for you. That relative made the decision and knew that you didn’t want her to buy it; however, it gave HER pleasure.
Yes, she can’t afford it, both you and she know that, but her need to see you deserve something was more important. Send, for Valentine’s day, or a birthday, several gift cards, transfer money to her account, etc.
@coralbrook sorry for your loss. I wish you well. It is hard to go through traumatic times when the rest of the world is celebrating. I hope time does heal or ease your wounds. Wish there was a hug button
Yes, I find Xmas stressful, even though I have cut WAY back to a very simple version of Xmas. Part of the stress, for me, is I don’t enjoy exchanging gifts. I also don’t particularly enjoy hosting H’s family. I get through it, but it’s like a dentist appointment.
Your pain must still be very raw. I am so sorry. One time, in the distant past, I spent Xmas on a beach in Mexico. I just needed to escape from it all and wanted to be in a completely different environment and away from the versions of Xmas I just wasn’t up for. Best thing ever. I hope when you are ready, you and your daughter can forge ahead making the season enjoyable anyway you need to.
^I’m thinking of trying that next year - making an attack plan and just working on it a little at a time, rather than getting overwhelmed by the whole thing in mid December.
@MaineLonghorn and @coralbrook, that kind of stress is just over-the-top :(. I hope things will settle down for you (and us) now. I have always found this to be a difficult time of year.
coralbrook and MaineLonghorn, I am so sorry for what you are going through now. Honestly, I can’t imagine anyone having any expectations for you right now. Coralbrook, you shouldn’t feel that you should buy presents for anyone!
I’m always glad when Christmas is over, and we don’t even make a big deal of it any more. My family likes me to prepare some of our traditional foods, and it’s tiresome (even though I like the foods, too.)
The holidays are terribly hard for people who are grieving or dealing with significant family illness. We had 2 such Christmases in the past 8 years, and they were very tough. I’m sorry for what you are going through, coralbrook and MaineLonghorn.
@MaineLonghorn that would be so stressful for all your family. I hope your son is on the way to recovery. @coralbrook so sorry for your loss. Yes, I find Christmas stressful. I typically get a tree, and minimal gifts. When I told someone I don’t do anything for Christmas, she said “you have to! It’s Jesus’ birthday!” I pointed out to her that I think Jesus would rather I celebrate Christmas through gifts of kindness. A wise man said he tells his kids why they get minimal giftes, “It’s Jesus’ birthday, not yours.”
Oh boy, is Christmas stressful!! Sometimes I suspect that getting into Harvard is easier than putting up with my mother for four days (Dad’s great, though). I stretched to come up with $350 for a cleaning crew to take some of the pressure off me before the visit, and she has spent the last four days complaining non-stop because the blinds in the guest room weren’t done slat-by-slat to her satisfaction (I wiped them down a week before the cleaning crew did). She has brought it up at least several times a day. Once I handed her a dust rag, she said, “I have to clean them at my house, why should I do them at yours?” I’ll be removing the blinds from the guest room before her next visit. And that’s the tip of the iceberg. Most trying four days of my year.
@coralbrook and @mainelonhorn, my heart goes out to you both. I hope the new year brings you the peace, healing and joy that December didn’t. @dustyfeathers, I can completely sympathize. I’d rather not get anything than a pile of guilt. I’ve received some expensive white elephants too. I’ve either returned, sold, or donated them. If there is no happiness to be found in keeping the item, why feel bad? Sometimes wanting is more fun than owning.
I still don’t understand why we do this to ourselves year after year. Totally not worth it. I wish Christmas was more like Thanksgiving.
There was an article in the paper (originally published in WaPo) about making Christmas less stressful by doing things all year long - shopping in July, making cookies in September and freezing them, setting up all decorations in Nov. Honestly, it sounded awful and boring. I find it easier to just skip things I don’t want to do. Don’t want to make cookies? Don’t. Don’t want to set up outdoor decorations? Don’t.
We went on a cruise one year and it was great. My kids have gone on trips several years and missed being home for Christmas and it’s been fine.
I don’t know how D1 does it. She works 10-12 hr most days and travel quite a bit, and she puts up a huge tree every year, host an annual xmas party for her friends and has families over for meals through out December. Since she started to do all of that I have scaled back on what I do. This year I didn’t get a real tree for the first time in 30 years. I also got my holiday cards out the first week of December. We also decided to go away to some where warm before xmas. D2 and I went out for dinner on xmas day with my friends.
I think the way to enjoy the holidays is to do less.
I am shipping two sets of packages to relatives today, and two after the New Year. We put the lights on the tree yesterday. This could be viewed as stressful, but once it became clear to me when these things could happen, I dropped the stress connected with them.
We once had exams running through December 23 due to scheduling by a none-too-bright Assistant Provost, who did not think about the possibility that students might be snowed in–fortunately, that did not happen, but flight cancellations have occurred at other times.
My mom died this year, my oldest son and his wife and her kids live in Colorado, my father-in-law and his wife went on a cruise and my youngest son is going off to grad school today. We stayed home, just the 4 of us - nice actually, not stressful. BUT, I really, really enjoy the “no gifts” travel to a Christmas vacation destination. The problem is getting the adult chillden to save enough funds and get vacation time. Last year we had a spectacular Banff Christmas - truly magical. I’m hoping next year to go warm and have a Caribbean Christmas - we’ll see how everyone is doiing then.