<p>I find holidays difficult. DH and I are alone with the cat. DD is studying in New Zealand, DS is a college grad living and working 3000 miles away. One family is estranged the other is cross country. It feels empty. Even though it isn’t true it feels like everyone else is enjoying a big extended family event and we are doing nothing. Today DH told me “I guess this is why people have friends.”. I have lots of close girlfriends but they have their own families and we dont get together on traditional family days. I did make reservations and plan a weekend trip with DH for Mothers Day weekend so maybe that is the answer.</p>
<p>Next holiday, perhaps you and husband can find a way to drive meals to the hungry in your community, for example through MealsOnWheels. You’d have car company with each other and feel useful. Perhaps there’s a food pantry. You can also dig a bit to find the domestic abuse shelter in your area and provide some home-style cooking for the women and children there. If all you do is bake for the day and drive the food over to a grateful staff at the door, you can be sure you improved their holiday.</p>
<p>Or you might volunteer to do shifts at hospital desks, so the regular staff can go home and be with their young children. Work it out ahead with the Volunteer department of your area hospital.</p>
<p>It might also be fun to sometimes fly out & see one of your kids or loved ones for a long weekend or some type of visit–paying3tuitions also has great suggestions. You might also find others who are empty nesters and or have loved ones far away & get together for these holidays. That’s what some of our friends do.</p>
<p>You are not alone. I am single and there is no significant other. I spent the day doing laundry and grocery shopping. My D was around for a little while but then went to her dad’s house, and S is living 200 miles away. My immediate family is very small (just my parents and two unmarried brothers), and we have never really done much for Easter. When I was married, we always celebrated Easter with my in-laws. And, like you, my girlfriends are all married and busy with their own families. We do have family get togethers for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but there’s usually just the seven of us. My dad is an only child, and my mom is 13 years younger than her nearest sibling, so I don’t even have cousins my own age. I think a trip would be a great thing for Mother’s Day!</p>
<p>Holidays can be tough when you don’t have that “critical mass” of people - for most of us that is ideally family. But some don’t have families and some are empty nesters.</p>
<p>My suggestion to you would be to think about whether there aren’t some empty nesters among your friendship group to celebrate with; or expand your circle of friends to include newly met empty nesters. A third thought - I have several “girlfriends” who are close enough, due to our long-term friendships, to include us in holiday plans some of the time. I’m betting that some of your girlfriends would be glad to include you two in an Easter brunch or dinner, and similar on other holidays. Probably there are several for whom you know their kids and some other relatives well enough to be quite comfortable.</p>
<p>This year we had 22 for Passover. Seven were family. The rest? Friends of my children, coworkers, and my friends. Most were not Jewish. Look around. There are so many people who would LOVE to have an invitation.</p>
<p>Obviously this doesn’t replace your children or family. But one of our guests, a young man, lost his mother totally without warning two months ago. Without the invitation he would have been alone. Trust me, there are people who will join you and bring joy to your home.</p>
<p>Ebeee I totally get what you are saying. My husband, daughter and I are in the same situation. We feel like orphans at holiday time. We do not get invited out for holidays. We both lost our parents and my husband and daughter are only-children, so not much in the way of cousins or in laws. It is difficult, especially, when I was so use to very large, frequent family gatherings growing up. I do try to make the very best of it for my family on th holidays.</p>
<p>Sent from my ADR6300 using CC App</p>
<p>My husband’s entire extended family is here, so holidays are never an issue for us. However, frequently on Thanksgiving, we host a pig roast (a southern tradition) and have realized a great deal of people we know are alone (or in a very small family situation) for the holidays. Have been surprised at the number of people who have accepted our invitation. Co-workers, friends, neighbors. If you are at all inclined to entertain, consider hosting a get together next time. Around here, a lot of restaurants have buffets for Easter and Thanksgiving. Even organizing a group to go out could be fun.</p>
<p>Yes glad its over. Spent the earlier part of the weekend with our daughters but then drove four hours home to an empty house. Spend several quiet hours feeling alone then baked cupcakes and delivered to the elderly neighbors. Walked to deliver them (a beautiful sunny day) and it helped with the blues. I think this may be a new tradition. I do miss the large family dinners and easter egg hunts. sigh…</p>
<p>Easter has never been much of a holiday for our family because my husband always works , at least part of the day. We used to do Easter egg hunts , but kids are too old for that now. We made a nice dinner and made good use of the wonderful weather we were lucky enough to get yesterday.</p>
<p>Thank god it is over. I lost my mom suddenly at the end of Jan and it was wrong to be in church without her in the choir staring at my misbehaving kids, wrong to not be chided that my teens weren’t at church because they slept late, wrong to not be able to help her serve easter dinner at her house. It was all wrong. I was doing fine, having good days, and them BAM you get hit with a stupid holiday that throws you back. And whoever that teen is that has the nerve to post “May 1 is looming and Mom is getting irritating” deserves to be in my shoes for just a few minutes.</p>
<p>So sorry AK. I can understand that it was a hard, hard day for you.</p>
<p>My H is the youngest of a very large family and when we first moved East (away from my family) we had lots of family (aunts, uncles, cousins, step-siblings, siblings) to celebrate holidays with. But through death, divorce (and resulting estrangements) H, D and I celebrate most holidays alone, or with my ailing mother. The first year it happened, I didn’t want to be bummed, so we changed the holiday expectation. Pyjama Christmas was born! We try to get the yummiest, prepare ahead or bought food, and find a special movie/program/game that we can enjoy together while not changing out of our pyjamas (we go to church Christmas Eve). For Easter, we go to church in the am and then hunker down together in the pm. Yesterday, my D was feverishly trying to finish up an online class so there was less interaction than usual. So I guess my coping technique has been trying to change the expectations/traditions of the holidays, so that emptiness is minimized and other good things take the place of the big Family holiday celebrations. </p>
<p>However, I do sympathize with those whose day was not what they wished. Holidays can be tough.</p>
<p>I missed being with my church family. I just finished a 3 year term serving on our church’s vestry (parish council) in January. I was the self-anointed financial watchdog. I asked a lot of serious questions about our church’s finances and odd entries on the financial reports. At the final budget meeting in January, someone made a motion to place the budget in God’s hands (rather than make any cuts) and the motion passed 11-1, with me being the one who voted against it. Even though I am off the vestry now I have requested copies of the financial statements (which are posted in the parish hall). Neither the treasurer or priest will respond or acknowledge my email request. (It almost as if I am being shunned!). In addition, I just found out that in March the monthly deficit was 10K! It was never this bad last year.</p>
<p>Anyway, I am not alone as other parishioners have been iced out by this new priest. But I did miss attending Easter services.</p>
<p>I did make reservations and plan a weekend trip with DH for Mothers Day weekend so maybe that is the answer.</p>
<p>I think that is a great idea- give yourself a pat on the back for taking care of yourself.:)</p>
<p>We only casually celebrate religious holidays, although we do lean towards Christian ones. Saturday H drove up to see D2, had a nice walk with her while I stayed home and tried to get on top of the yard work.
She had a final on Monday & while her roommate went home for Easter, she said to me " why would I want to come home? Easter is just a religious holiday". ( when she was 6yrs old, she told me she believed in Mother Earth, not in God or Santa- she has pretty much kept to that)</p>
<p>H, has been working mandatory overtime every other weekend for months, and when he is home he is trying to get on top of needed repairs. Not a lot of time for relaxing. But yesterday I said we need to get away from the house so he could have a break. I was hoping to walk around the Arboretum but he had the idea to go to the Pike Place Market, which was a great idea, because hardly any tourists yet.
We had lunch at one of Tom Douglas’s new restaurants ( which was hard because I am now gluten free & they bake their own breads) & enjoyed the day and our walk ( we took the bus which is much less hassle than parking)
We did celebrate Easter with the kids when they were younger & even last year we had an Easter brunch , but it felt OK to do it this way this year.</p>
<p>Holiday expectations are often the cause of sadness. I am sorry for all that had a sad day. I also find holidays stressful. Both my parents are gone, and we do not see our respective siblings due to distance and some other things. Over the years we have lost some of the extended family that we used to see as well (old aunts and uncles kind of thing.) Of late, we have sandwich generation issues which cause stress at the holidays, too.</p>
<p>I loved spending holidays with my “extended family” of friends when I was single. I would love to invite a lot of people to my house, but unfortunately, due to the sandwich issues, this has not been possible. However, as other posters have said, maybe you can find your own group to celebrate with. I think planning a trip over the holidays is also a great idea. </p>
<p>Easter is not one of the holidays that we celebrate; however, we usually do go out to dinner on easter sunday, and there are lots of folks doing the same, and they seem to be celebrating the holiday. Next year maybe a nice dinner out and a day trip to the park or beach?</p>
<p>Personally, I would love to go to a spa for a holiday.</p>
<p>Best regards.</p>
<p>For years we have celebrated Easter by going to mass then going to a brunch at a local hotel or restaurant. We started this tradition when husband and I got engaged and wanted our parents to meet each other. It stuck and over the years other family members and relatives joined us and it became a big event every year. Now no more, no family, relatives are gone or moved away and our parents have passed on. There isn’t an Easter that doesn’t go by that I don’t think of this tradition.
Like another poster, we have changed our expectations for holidays. On Christmas, we might go to a Chinese Retaurant, or order Chinese take out, go to my sisters and sit around and laugh and open presents. Soon after my mom died, Easter loomed and we decided to go on a day trip to an Aquarium with my then 12 year old daughter, and had dinner at a local restaurant. You would be surprised at the amount of people at Chinese restaurants on Christmas and those who plan to do nothing at all.</p>
<p>We weren’t alone this year, but it was just the four of us, whereas in past years we had a pretty big family to celebrate with us. My MIL died three years ago, and I have been remembering her by resurrecting (pun intended) some of the special Italian recipes that she always made for Easter. I was fortunate that she shared these with me, and my family (especially my husband) appreciates her presence, in spirit, at our table. I agree with those who have changed their expectations of a holiday, to make it something new. But I’ll always miss the old days, and the people we have lost.</p>
<p>Yes, glad it is over–for different reasons. H is in the church choir and holy week is filled with practices and liturgies. And I get stuck watching the choir director’s baby along with my own kids. And I have to be in charge of all the clothes, food, egg coloring, baskets, egg hunts etc.for the family. At the end of the day, no one even helped with the dishes! Holiday. I’d love to have a holiday. Can I rest now? It seems my mom used to do all this stuff in a much more elaborate fashion without complaining. Am I the grouchy Easter bunny? (OK, I’ll admit that the choir did sound wonderful. . .)</p>
<p>i walked my dog yesterday and all around the neighborhood cars were parked in the streets as families had their holiday dinners.</p>
<p>it made me feel so lonely. </p>
<p>i guess when my kids were little and i was hosting all the dinners i was thinking that these times would last forever. i didn’t realize how many people we would lose from our circle of family and friends. i didn’t realize how soon the kids would be busy with their own lives. i am glad i couldn’t comprehend that back then…i wish i didn’t know it now.</p>
<p>I was gobsmacked this year when we were at BIL’s for an early Seder and S2 wasn’t there to do the Four Questions. Didn’t even think about it til my 6 yo niece started reading them and then it was like a punch in the heart. My niece did a beautiful job, but I had not prepared for the emotional hit.</p>
<p>Our synagogue does a Second Night Seder, to which I dragged DH this year. I’m glad we went; there were a fair number of empty nesters looking for a new spin on old traditions.</p>