<p>Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or
Experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>
<p>If you’re willing to critique my essay (grammar and content), please PM me 
because for some reason CC won’t let me send private messages unless it is a reply to a message I have received… But thanks in advance! :D</p>
<p>ehh actually just read it on here haha:</p>
<p>A book really opened my eyes, but not just any book, this was my book. In the summer before my 11th grade year, I had started writing a story just to rid myself of temporary boredom. My best friend and I had joked around about writing a story about our collective friends in a fantasy world a couple months earlier, and one day when I really had nothing to do; I began brainstorming on the computer. The joy of free writing consumed me and I ended up spending hours every day working on my tale. The motivation that drove me to finish my work was to surprise my best friend with a finished manuscript on her birthday. I achieved that goal, finishing my rough draft of the book in eight months. She was, indeed, surprised and told me to publish it in excitement. I didn’t even think of publishing it because I thought that only the most superb of superb writers actually get that chance, whereas I was really just writing out of enjoyment and as a hobby, I definitely did not think it was worthy of publication.
Prior to having written the book, I never saw an incredible amount of potential in myself and thought I was fairly average in many ways. But as more of my friends read the manuscript, they urged me to get it published too. So, as I realized that I was not the only person to enjoy my writing, I gave the manuscript to my 10th grade literature teacher who was very well-read in fiction and mythologies. He got back to me and said that he loved it too. That inspired me, and I began searching for publishers that would take my book. I came across Outskirts Press as my first choice because they let the author keep 100% of the rights and would not lock me in with them if I decided on writing another novel. I sent in my manuscript, and they accepted it with glee. The day before senior year started, I was mailed the first published copy of my book, Upheaval, and a notice of its distribution to large online retailers such as amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com. The following month, my school and county blew up in excitement about a local published student. Reality hit me; I can achieve far more than I had thought if I just put in some passion and hard work. Now, I am working on my first novel of a trilogy with far more appreciation for myself and confidence in my own abilities. The only entity that really had the power to restrain me was me.</p>
<p>First off, it is better to not put your essay on a public forum because their are people out there who may use it for themselves :(</p>
<p>About your Essay:
I really like the subject of it. I think your introduction could be a lot stronger. You want to find a way to draw the reader in. Perhaps you could begin with presenting the situation in a sort of story format. It is better to “show” the reader than to “tell” them. Show them how the idea came up or how excited your friend was.
I would also vary your sentence type. You have a lot of short, simple sentences. Maybe mix it up with some semicolons, longer sentences, etc. Hope this helps!</p>