Anyone mind giving my Common App Essay a read?

College Essays
1

I have finished writing a first draft for my common app essay. I was wondering if some of you would read it and share your thoughts and criticism. If you would like to, either comment or PM me. Thanks in advance!

2

I’ll read it, PM me!

3

@hscruiser Thanks! I just sent it.

4

I’ll read it too!

5

@ccer4lyfe Thanks! I just sent it to you.

6

sure PM me!

7

@christiaanrr Thanks! I just sent it

8

Bump! I need more readers.

9

I’ll read it. Pm me

10

@Soccerchic24 Alright I just sent it to you. Thanks!

11

Bump. Looking for more readers!

12

I am still looking to gather some opinions.

13

I’d be willing to read your essay!

14

I’ll read it

15

@manwiththeplan Thanks! I just sent it to you.

16

@DyrannosaurusRex Thanks! I just sent it to you, too. Let me know what you think.

17

You have a good start for sure! Try getting rid of some of the being verbs (am, is, are, etc.) and instead use more action verbs. Your essay is pretty passive right now, and a stronger, active voice will make your message stand out more! Good luck and let me know if you need more help!