<p>I just picked up this book (which I now see has been on the bestsellers list for awhile) called, “Perfect Madness. Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety”. Has anyone read it? I’ve only read 100 pages but I think its written for post-baby boomers. I’m 50 so I think I have a different perspective than the women she interviewed. Any thoughts?</p>
<p>I think I did read this book.</p>
<p>I seem to recall the woman as being rather overwrought. She assumed that everyone shared the stresses and strains of her exclusive socioeconomic niche, things like how to get junior into the exclusive school favored by her cohorts.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2005/02/23/warner/index.html[/url]”>http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2005/02/23/warner/index.html</a></p>
<p>If you haven’t read the book this article in Salon will give you an idea of what it’s about - it’s an interview with the author.</p>
<p>Some choice quotes from “Perfect Madness:”</p>
<p>You are a winner - the best, the smartest, most talented, top-notch achieving kind of person – or you are nothing. That we see ourselves this way is unfortunate. But that we submit our children to that same heartless gaze is tragic. Particularly since, these days, the notion of the ideal winning person has been so greatly narrowed that we tend to force all our children – no matter what their talents or inclinations – to fit the mold of standard-isse, CEO-destined achievement.</p>
<p>Producing winners - those with the skills and instincts to climb to the top and grab the brass ring in our winner-take-all society means, above all, teaching children to operate. This means learning that appearances are all-important, that busyness is in and of itself a great virtue, that competition is the lifeblood of successful personhood and that the point of playing the game isnt how you play but being a player. And, of course, players play to win…</p>
<p>The self-importance and self-protectiveness of those living their lives on the business model cannot be underestimated. As Arlie Hochschild has noted: Parents now…speak of time as if it is a threatened form of personal capital they have no choice but to mange and invest. As a result, everyone aims now to do what is convenient and hassle-free. The selfishness that results can be astounding:…</p>
<p>No one dares infringe upon anothers right to convenience.… Why should they? Formal courtesty is now considered an excessive waste of time. Invitations need not be acknowledged. Families arrive hours late for social events because they dont want to arrange their babies nap schedules. Guests show up at the tail end of religious ceremonies because they conflict with their childrens sporting events. Thoughts for others just dont rank high on the priorities of highly effective families – just as thoughts of social responsibility cant crowd much into a CEOs consciousness as he works to uphold the bottom line for his investors.</p>
<p>She’s describing the behavior of a group, which is a subgroup of a subgroup of a subgroup.</p>
<p>But it sells books. ;)</p>
<p>The topic might have made an interesting essay in a magazine, but it’s hard for me to imagine that there’s enough material for an entire book. I did read the interview linked by Lizschup, and while certain comments resonate, I think it’s a bit over the top. I’m sure there have always been parents who view childrearing as a competitive event, but fortunately I haven’t run into very many over the last 18 years. I do think that my mother and mother-in-law worried far less about whether or not they were ‘good’ mothers – it was just something they did, and they each had a lot of common sense. I sometimes think that the common sense was derived from living in and raising large families on limited budgets. The phrase, “more money than sense” comes to mind.</p>
<p>I agree, sjmom. I don’t know anyone like these women. It sure would be exhausting to be around them!</p>