@emptynesteryet : Thank you for starting this thread & for sharing your thoughts.
@rickle1 :The first paragraph of your post #1 in this thread is very insightful.
A string of 5s on multiple AP tests reveals a good soldier, the person who convinced others that earning the 5s was important has the markings of being a good leader.
@emptynesteryet Just reread your OP. Yes my lower Stat kid will read books, go to plays etc for enjoyment and go much deeper. The higher Stat kid… No way… Also he is taking much harder, thought provoking classes but she is also in a different way. They are the definition of right brain VS left brain. If your daughter is socialized then that is great. Many high Stat kids are more isolated.
What I hate is going from phone to iPad to computer and sometimes… Wait for it… All three!
Plus there are many articles about teen depression /anxiety /suicide to get a little more serious here. I just think these higher Stat kids are being pushed to a level we just don’t understand. More competitiveness in school. Having to excel like always . Stress of applying to colleges just to get denied or wait listed. If she is healthy and functional and social… She sounds like an amazing kid to me.
There are at least two types of intelligence–IQ & EQ.
Being intellectual may stem from intellectual curiosity as well as from the need to survive an emotionally abusive and/or traumatic situation. This is a need to understand.
@emptynesteryet Yes. My D sounds like yours with slightly lower stats. She is a master at bringing home excellent grades in pretty challenging classes - and I have no idea how! She is very active in two demanding sports, but her free time is napping/chilling, truly mindless tv or netflix and face timing friends (She will plan outfits for the week with her friends, then wear pajamas to school. I’m still trying figure that one out)
Dad and I have worried that she is a little shallow … it’s getting a little better, but if we have a deep conversation with her over dinner, we bask in that glory for days.
I guess the good news is she is organized, healthy and happy, happy, happy.
S was exact opposite. Very intellectual conversations and read a lot. Too bad he rarely bothered reading what he was supposed to … Totally different issue. Good news is he still ended up successful, self-sustaining young adult.
@houndmom just have to laugh some more on this topic. My lower Stat girl has great insight on current topics and actually had strong opinions. My higher Stat son… Well… Not so much. But when he does say something meaningful it’s like we send up flares and fireworks and my daughter is like “really” 
Some kids have always been like this - long before the Common Core.
My two are very different and I seem to have a little of both.
Older D did well in HS and college… varsity athlete in HS and played for fun in college. However…she is not one to read a book outside of school unless a friend hands it to her. If she is not at the gym … she will nap, watch Netflix, and chill etc, It’s perfectly fine with me… she is working, totally self sufficient, and very happy. She is also traveling… and learning a lot through her travels. And … She is very organized.
I would define younger D as intellectually curious… to the point where her career path is changing due to this curiosity. The word “chill” is not really in her vocabulary. She is the one who will request books, listen to various podcasts while walking, attend lectures on climate change etc…or call me very excited to discuss animal behavior… or the Supreme Court. She is like a hurricane…the eye is calm and very organized… but ugh she is the one who leaves her charger in class, her wallet in the dining hall… etc.
Older D is much easier to parent. Younger D is very intense… has always been. What I learned on CC… is to “love the kid on the couch.” They are all different.
Sounds like good work/life balance to me.
Our older two are sort of the opposite. Both passionate learners, loved by teachers but not always the best students. They will spend months researching something that interests them, have long lists of museums they want to visit on every vacation, read copious amount of literature and non-fiction but then throw together some assigned project in 20 minutes before class. Their high school transcripts sprinkled with careless B’s. They have high IQ’s but barely passable SAT/ACT scores for the most competitive colleges neither interested in working to improve them. Eldest LOVED college so much I think she’s trying to figure out how to become a professor so she can live in academia forever. Middle just started college but is already hooked. I do love all that intellectual curiousity and I suppose we encouraged it by all the alternative paths we opened up for them but I worry a bit about them out in the real world where you often just need to “do as your told.” We shall see.
There is great value in being able to summon your talents when you really don’t want to for a project you don’t care about. There is also value in being able to turn it all off and just “be.” I think it’s mentally healthier and your kid sounds likely to do well in life.
I see my kid trying to become more intellectually curious now that he’s about to start his Stanford college experience. Stanford even sent every kid 3 books written by minority writers to get different perspectives so they can discuss the books during New Student Orientation. He also now reads several books on topics which interest him and brings up the books he found interesting while we are eating. But during high school, he didn’t have much time to be intellectually curious after his class work, doing school projects and ECs etc. He does say now most valuable things he learned about important things in life are from outside schools. I can definitely say our kid was not top 10 academically smart kid in his class of around 540 kids but he knew how to get along reasonably well. He’s not crazy passionate about any one subject though. But I do see him now stay up late reading a book he finds interesting, so I guess that’s good. He’s definitely not the type of kid who will go traveling around the world on his own (but might with some friends) because he likes little comforts in his surroundings a little too much.
I think kids come into their own persona. Some will feel strong by doing what needs to be done to meet the bar a teacher or prof had set…they grind it out or meeting expectations comes easily to them and others will strive to get aound the bar in out of the box ways like the smart slacker who lives in their own head space or the kid who goes off on tangents of their own because something intrigued them or those that love challenging teachers and profs. The concept of “average” also has different meaning as you move through life. Creativity is also a component and can influence how a student relates to academics. But no matter how a kid attacks academics or expectations any kid who completes college is “above average.”
Personally my youngest is very smart and extremely intellectually curious, (4.0UW 34 ACT), however you still have that next level of smart, those that just make connections faster than anyone else. I told her you’ll meet a few a school (and she has at UChicago). I met a few in my honors physics class in college, prof wrote down Maxwell’s four equations on electromagnetism the first day and said “that’s all you need to know”. Of the 20 in the class, there were 3 or 4 that immediately got it and cruised right through, the rest of us (no slouches by any means, we were all chosen by hand by the professor) struggled through the class.
I have met some very smart young adults who may not be “book smart” or i"ntellectually curious"… the way we define it…but their artwork…creativity…and ability to bring these talents to the forefront…will simply blow you away. They may also watch a little Netflix
OP the key is balance and it sounds like your D has it.
@CU123 - In our household, we refer to those in that next level of smart as “scary smart.” 
OP- she likely reflects her family. What do YOU do that’s intellectual, above and beyond what is required? Is your home filled with books, trips to the library and readers? Have you shown her how great it is to learn for the sake of learning/knowing something totally unrelated or unnecessary? These are things she has picked up since she was a toddler.
btw- I have seen parents with gifted kids think their child is not as smart because they are used to family being in the upper echelons of intelligence. There is also a difference in education and intelligence. Hard workers with intelligence can outperform disinterested medium or higher gifted people. I’m low end gifted and worked hard to get top (or not) grades. I have noticed more gifted people, my generation and son’s, do not always have the same drive.
Your D may be average for the top tier but certainly that tier is far above even the average college attendee’s level. Put it in perspective. I agree with the posters who state nothing has really grabbed her interest. And different personalities. Be happy she has balance in her life. She is bound for a happy successful life because she knows how to apply herself when needed and also how to enjoy herself.
Our D is always surprised to have instructors and profs who insist she is bright. Her grades have never been stellar due to frequent and prolonged medical absences but she has great intellectual curiosity and is good at seeing issues from many angles and asking questions classmates never even considered. She is very creative and I guess it means her brain is wired differently but enjoys talking to a wide range of folks and gets along with pretty much everyone.
S is very math/science oriented but loves current events as well and history and geography and travel. His mind and D’s mind are very different—he has much less emotional insight than D but learns new concepts instantly. H is an excellent project manager, EE and entrepreneur.
I’m not sure it’s the family that matters.
My kids are well beyond college now. My son has always been more intellectually curious than my daughter. But throughout school, she did better academically than he did. They obviously grew up in the same environment, but they’re two different people. Born that way, I think.
My older child (D) is very bright and was in the G & T program, but she isn’t an intellectual type at all. She is smart and has always been a very good student and scored very high on SAT’s, etc.
Younger child (S) is much more intellectually curious. While D enjoyed school and did really well, she wasn’t interested in academic stuff outside of school as S was. D attended the local HS, S attended the magnet school and that worked out well. Neither would have been happy if they had attended the other school.
@emptynesteryet you pose a valid question but with our kids in the age range of 16-21 a lot has been imposed on them already with college acceptances (and doing college work) being so competitive compared to when we applied to college. I don’t blame them if after doing the required school work and EC commitments they’d want to watch YouTube vids or Netflix or play Fortnite.
So I wouldn’t put too much stock on ‘my kid is smart but not really’ because your kid will do just fine. If our kids are healthy physically and mentally that is a victory in this day and age. The future job/career will work itself out for our kids.
Yep, my kid who is very gifted in all but emotional insight loves “vegging with video games.” It used to concern me but I think that’s one if his ways of de-stressing. He’s doing well, so we are happy that he’s happy!
If he cares about something he will read about it (eg reading entire UofMi affirmative action US supreme ct decision online the day it was released). He also reads several papers and other media regularly and is one of the few getting & reading paper newspaper in his condo building.