<p>Daughter and I had a big fight – Same old stuff – She doesn’t appreciate me. I don’t accept her. Etc. Problem is, we both said a bunch of stuff that was true, and a bunch that wasn’t. Pretty typical. But then she got up, started screaming, threw her cell phone very near me in anger, screamed till her face was purple, literally, then pushed the table I was standing in front of at me, then threw her laptop across the room, near me. She screamed “This is all your creation!” and left. After thirty minutes, she returned. I locked myself in my room. I heard her picking up the mess she made. </p>
<p>History - I am extremely needy and insecure when it come to being loved. (Long story.) She is a an only child who has had to bear the brunt of feeling responsible for me. I can be a mess. But I do have many loving qualities as well and do a lot of really good things for her in the middle of the the pathetic whining and blaming. </p>
<p>We have been to counseling. We just cannot communicate well. We are right fighters, with the intensely deep need to be heard.</p>
<p>She is about to go off to school her last year in another state. I am feeling like a total piece of crap right now. I, despite my very best desire and intent, have raised a kid that feels totally responsible for her mother’s happiness at her own expense. </p>
<p>I am sitting her with chest pains (stress) and feeling like I have totally screwed up as a parent, and have no way to make this right. I love my daughter sp much, but have failed her, and myself. </p>
<p>I cannot undo 22 years. But I cannot see my way in front of me. I feel so ashamed.</p>
<p>BunsenBurner – Thank you, yes, there is another person here – my daughter is in the other room.</p>
<p>music222 – Your posts are not helpful. Not really feeling like defending past posts that could be from me or another member of the family. Thanks anyway.</p>
<p>I’m not asking you to defend anything. I asked what you needed help with. In another thread you said you have a son. Now, you say your daughter is an only child. It’s very confusing if two or more people post with the same username. Why doesn’t everybody have their own account?</p>
<p>music222’s confusion is understandable. Is this the dau who was a college senior in 2009 and then attending grad school and living at home? Now she is 22, 3 years later? Only child or has a bro in law school? Its hard to follow and therefore somewhat difficult to accept. That’s what he/she is saying.</p>
<p>Hugs to you. We are a volatile family here in terms of emotion, and it’has resulted in some rough scenes. It might be useful for you to see a counselor yourself and see if counseling along with some meds might smooth down these emotional jags a bit. Try to focus on just leaving the room and finding something else to do when things START heating up. Easier said then done, I know.</p>
<p>My closest friend is very volatile and the outbursts between her chldren and her self were terrible bordering on police involvement. Now then years later they all get along well. Regardless of what the issue is, you have to keep in mind that it is the long term that matters and the short term bumps are not worth making worse with directed vitriole. You cannot control your daughter’s or anyone’s reactions to what you say and do, but YOU can get full control of them. You need to work on YOU to make what may be the last years that you will be figuring as much as you have in your DD"s life. It’s matter of what memories you want to make.</p>
<p>I hope you do find some help. Many parents have gone the same path. Some help can smooth things out a bit.</p>
<p>Wow, you have a rough life. Your 22-year old daughter who graduated from college in 2010 (when you bought her the diamond earrings) after you struggled to pay for the limo so she could go out drinking on New Year’s Eve so she didn’t have to be the designated driver, threw her cell phone at you - was that the Iphone she purchased from the stranger through craig’s list? It’s interesting that she’s going off to her last year at an out of state school after living with you and your son for the past two years while attending graduate school. How did those rule suggestions work out for you?</p>
<p>And her brother? How’s it going being the brother of an only child? Has he wrecked any more friend’s cars lately? Did you ever get that money back for the suit that you told him to return after graduation? Still sending you butt texts? Has he finished grad school yet?</p>
<p>And what did you do after finishing your law degree? Did you end up taking over that family business that you were thinking about?</p>
<p>It’s really interesting to look back at your posts over the past three years. Every once in awhile you come on with interesting family issues. What inspires you to come back after long absences and ask these things?</p>
<p>People. You have NO idea what someone is going though when they write in the middle of the night on a college forum. Questioning the validity of prior posts I guess may give you some grist for the mill, but seriously, was that really the most important thing here? Did I not ask, from one parent to another, for support, because I am in emotional pain? Do you really have to know all the details of who wrote what and when and in detail just to hear that, respond to that? You don’t know where this computer is, or who is writing. Things are not always as neat and tidy and they seem. Not everyone who comes here has their own laptop and email address, or is comfortable registering on a website. I asked for support because I was feeling incredibly lousy and ashamed. Thanks for the support. Apparently this is only the place to get support if you have a monogrammed Apple, and are lamenting because your 3.9 GPA kid did not get into his first pick Ivy League because his extra curriculars weren’t profuse enough.</p>
<p>No one likes to get trolled… and that is what the other posters are trying to avoid. If there is a simple explanation for the discrepencies, then by all means post them. But no one wants to put time and energy into helping you if you are not who you say you are. You should be able to understand that, and post less defensively in response to these questions. If you really are who you say you are, and respond that way to a reasonable request for clarification, then maybe your D has a point… if you are really who you say you are and are ashamed of your behavior and how you have handled things, then go tell your D (not strangers on the internet). Or write her a letter if you can’t tell her face to face.</p>
<p>People give advice based on the information they have. It is useless to try to help someone when you don’t know what their situation really is or whether they are making up a lot of things. You should be able to understand that. Sorry you are in turmoil, but an honest statement of who you and your family really are would be helpful.</p>
<p>Ditto what the above 2 posters said. There are lots of very caring and helpful posters here, but as intparent said, if a post or post history seems inconsistent, it tends to raise a red flag, and posters may ask for clarification before spending time and energy trying to offer assistance and advice if there is a suggestion that the poster may be a ■■■■■.</p>
<p>There are many posters whose family members have their own separate cc accounts. That makes the most sense, and allows for consistency in reading posts and privacy for the posters within the family posting.</p>
<p>There is no reason at all not to have separate accounts. I can certainly understand one person asking questions on behalf of others, for example I might ask a question as it pertains to my DD or my nephew or a friend. But when you have a multitude of conflicting stories posted under one name, people believe they are being trolled.
On CC, when someone asks for help, it is extremely common for posters to check your old posts, not checking up on you, but rather trying to get context to give better advice.</p>
<p>Get a hotmail/yahoo/gmail account, register and post your own information. If you really want help.</p>
You missed the part about being single while part of a parental “we”. OP, hard for people to offer thoughts when the information provided is so inconsistent and confusing.</p>
<p>MODERATOR’S NOTE
To avoid precisely the type of issues that have arisen in this thread, every user MUST have his or her own screen name to post on this site. Multiple people posting under the same screen name can tend to mislead other users, particularly since we have a significant number of users who have been active on this site for many years.</p>
<p>Until the issue of multiple users with one screen name is clarified, this thread serves no purpose and is being closed.</p>