Hello everyone! I’m a first-time poster (though I’ve read a few threads on here before) so hopefully this doesn’t make me sound too out of touch with everything.
D is currently a Junior in HS. I have an older S, who is a senior, however he attends a private military boarding school and is currently on track to attend USNA. If that doesn’t work out, he wants to enlist in the Navy right away and he’s fine with that. I am divorced and have remarried and S will typically go home to his father’s house during breaks (except for Christmas) just due to proximity. S and my ex have a good handle on his application and I’m not really worried about him.
D, however, is just getting started with the process, and really, so am I. S has been very set on his track (since the 7th grade) so we never had to deal with touring or any of that. D doesn’t have her heart set on anything, and recently I gave her some ground rules to follow as she searches for colleges to tour/look into. She took the ACT in June and scored a 31, and will be taking it later this year, and we’re hoping for a score improvement. We aren’t sure if she should be taking the SAT or not. She has a 4.4 weighted G.P.A and solid ECs. She’s not sure what she wants to major in and I’ve told her that right now that’s not something she has to focus on.
Ex and I are splitting tuition costs for wherever she goes so finances are not a limiting factor. I’m not really giving her a deadline for this list and I’m allowing her to really spend time on it and see what she wants and where she’s interested. The only rules I have so far is that she has to tour at least one small college and one large college, to see what she might like better, be a college I approve of (though I’m not super picky and D knows me well enough to know what will fly and what won’t) and most important, a school that she can see herself being happy at. We’ll focus on touring during the spring/summer of this year, so again, she has time, but I just want to make sure I’m starting this process off right.
Welcome…
The biggest thing I think you need to think about is managing expectations.
For example with money/colleges…what if she wants to go to an expensive university (say, NYU) but there are less expensive options (like a great in state flagship) that you and your ex think would be just fine for her…then what? Is there a limit to what you will spend? Will you pay for the most expensive room and board options? I think if there are any money limits you owe it to yourself and your kid to think them through and communicate them in advance.
To what degree do you or dad or both expect to be involved? Do you both get a “say”? What if daughter and dad disagree? In advance let her know if you expect her to graduate in 4 years…show you her grades…etc. What if she doesn’t graduate in 4 years…etc.
Make sure you have a safety (academic and financial) that all three of you will be ok with.
She should at least take a practice SAT and see if she is likely to score better than her ACT score. Did she take the PSAT? If she got an National Merit eligible score in your state she should definitely take the SAT.
Most important thing is for you and your ex to decide what you can afford/are willing to pay for.
Second is for your daughter to get a handle on what sort of college she would like?
You can take her to some nearby colleges that have one or more of these characteristics and see what clicks. If she’s undecided she’ll want a college that offers plenty of choices.
Or she might be like my oldest, he was fine with any size, any location, he just wanted a good program in his probably major.
That’s great advice. She didn’t take the PSAT. Ex and I have definitely spoken about it and I’m sure we’ll have many more conversations about it in the future as we move through the process. Again, D doesn’t know exactly what type of college she’ll like, so I’m encouraging her to look into different ones so we can tour those and adjust from there. One of her older step sisters goes to UW-La Crosse, which my D likes, but that’s really the extent of her exposure besides a couple visits to State Street in Madison and a few Badger games. She has better stats than her step sister so La Crosse isn’t her only option. She’s generally pretty easygoing and very outgoing, so I think she would do fine anywhere, it’s just a matter of what she feels will fit.
Her dad is involved but not as heavily as he is with my S. He’s basically helping pay for college and that’s the extent. He and D aren’t very close so I’m definitely the more involved parent. My husband is very involved as well and D responds to him so it’s most likely him and myself that will be setting the majority of expectations. But I’ll definitely think about what D’s responsibilities should be while she’s in college. Depending on her program and how long it’s expected to take I’m okay with her going a little longer than four years but I’ll expect her to maintain decent grades.
Is she interested in any programs that you must apply to AFTER finishing first or second year? For example, for some undergrad business schools, students apply after freshman or soph year, so there is no guarantee they will be admitted. Other colleges admit to special programs directly from the outset.