Appeal to the University of California Berkeley, College of Engineering.

Colleges & Universities University of California - Berkeley
1

Hello. Mind if you guys help me fix and make my appeal better? I want to indicate that I’m not good at test taking, but I want to illustrate why test scores does not define who I am, but my ambition to attend the school.

To Whom It Might Concern:
To understand someone, one must understand their stories.

I would like to thank you sincerely for your time and consideration of my application to the University of California, Berkeley. I am writing this on behalf of my rejection to the university. I applied as a undeclared engineering major offered by College of Engineering. However, I felt that due to my inadequate test scores, I was denied admission to the University of California Berkeley as well as the College of Engineering. I am writing this genuine letter to make an appeal for the fall admission to the university. I believe that the updated information will illustrate that I am an exceptional student for the University of California Berkeley as well as the College of Engineering,

I’m not good at test taking, not because I have lack of knowledge in a certain subjects, it’s because my brain moves too fast. In the amount of time I have, I am unable to pull out information and process it. I move too fast through problems and my brain gets foggy when I’m under pressure. Comparing my test scores to my grades, there is a big difference. I strive to do my best when it comes learning and studying for the upcoming tests, but when the day comes, I get nervous and panic. Knowing how much time I have on a question stresses my thinking. Instead of thinking about the problems, memorizing what I’ve learned and read, I think of how time I have left for the problems. For example, the SAT, I studied for this test for 6 months, reading carefully through the book and answering the questions base on my knowledge. I did exceptionally well on the practice test compared to the real test. I was not under pressure and was able to find the mistakes I’ve made and fix them along the way. When facing the test, all I could think about is the time, how much will I scores and if I studied enough for it. I strive to learn everyday, studying the materials that were taught and practice challenging questions on my own. I, myself am trying my best to fix this problem. I’m trying my best to let myself be free, focusing on the problems on the test instead of the time and slow down in order to catch my mistakes. Now in my senior year of high school, I’m starting to manage my test taking problems, controlling my focuses on the test instead of thinking about the time and slowing down throughout the course of the test. Everyday, I’m more relax when taking test under pressure and understood the problems without worrying about the time I face during a test.

The University of California Berkeley is an exceptional choice and path for me. I’m very interested in the researches U.C Berkeley engineering students are studying and would like to learn more about these researches so I can one day improve or create one of my own. One project that I interested in is Robotic exoskeletons. Iron man has been my inspiration and motivation when I was a kid, I’ve always dreamt of building a mechanical suit that can allows user to be protective, increase speed as well as increase strength. Learning more about exoskeletons will increase my knowledge about the suit and its function and hopefully build a prototype of my own in the future. Having robotic bones in order to support oneself, allowing disable personnel to walk and the function to carrying heavy weight amazed me and encouraged me to attend the University of California Berkeley. I’ve always visioned myself creating an “iron-man suit” and the 3-Dimensional exoskeletons are the first step in fulfilling my dream. Advancing on the exoskeleton by improving the robotic bones and adding protection, the exoskeleton can become bulletproof and even blast proof suit for soldiers to wear during firefight. The exoskeletons can be used in further purposes such advanced police armor along with visual scans for weapons, advanced firefighter suit along with fire resistance armor also strengthened the user strength by improving the robotic mechanical functions as well as being the first functional mechanical suit. Being apart of this project will allow me to open up to new ideas, providing new details and ways in which I can help advance the exoskeletons in the future well as making it a perfection for the university of California Berkeley

I intended to pursue a career in Mechanical Engineering and being part of highly recognized school and participating in their projects illustrated my need to attend U.C Berkeley. Obtaining the knowledge from professors who specialized in certain topics and students who are currently studying and researching different topics allows me to develop the core knowledge for engineering and focus my development on robotic exoskeletons. Though other schools might offer the same courses and professors with different specialty, I feel attending a prestigious university such as U.C Berkeley, studying in one of the institution’s well-established laboratories, and to realize my dream of getting an education from the people who are well educated in their field, U.C Berkeley is where student with ambitious mind like myself, have access to classes and resources and apply concepts learned in classroom, thus allow students to advance among others in different colleges as well obtain a high education, while preparing students for future career. I believe I have the responsibility, determination to improve and knowledge to success at UC Berkeley as well as contribute to the diversity of the campus. I respect your decision and the amount of time and work you put into reading each and every single applicant, I do hope that with the addition of new information and explanation behind some circumstances, you will reconsider my admission to the University of California Berkeley,

I would encourage you to consider my appeal letter, and see that my test scores do not define who I am as a student as well as my academic performance at U.C Berkeley, but my ambition to learn and to obtain a high educations from a highly instituted school. It would be lovely for you to offer me acceptance to U.C Berkeley because, as my extracurricular activities and grades show, I am capable and willing to take advantage of the opportunities that U.C Berkeley has to offer. In addition, I would encourage you to see as students who wish to obtain a high education from a highly instituted schools and the goal and ambition I have for attending U.C Berkeley.

Please help me out. I really want to go here. Best financial option for me. Got Incentive Award for Berk, tuition will be fully covered if I get in.

2

You ask for opinions. Here are mine:

  • Too long, too wordy. If I were the person in charge of appeal at UCB, I wouldn't have patience to read through the whole letter.
  • More importantly, even you mentioned "updated information," there is no such thing in the letter. The first main paragraph attempts to explain why your test scores are low. The second expresses your interest in robotic exoskeletons. The third re-states your interest in UCB. None of the info is "updated," and worse yet, none is quantifiable.

I’m not trying to be harsh, just telling you what I think.

3

Thanks for your opinions!

4

@Ehoang010

Unfortunately, test-taking is a very large part of life as an engineering student at Berkeley. Your appeal would be a lot stronger if you could show (quantifiably) that your ability to take tests has improved over time, for example.

5

Hey! I am also writing a letter to appeal. Isnt this too long to fit the 500 word limit? Secondly, is there anyway of sending LoRs? I read in previous year threads that people send LoRs.

6

@Ehoang010

I can provide a feedback after you repost a new version that is less wordy. You should trim it down.

7

@bolt1234

You cant send unsolicited LORs. But you can write a letter to appeal. You can msg me for feedback if you want. I am a current UCB student.

8

@Desiree2
I submitted my appeal letter the day after my rejection with meeting 500words limit. Can I also send you mine?
Also, Is there any way to send LOR? I was invited to submit two LOR in November, and I did.

9

@mywifeisUM

Yes, no problem. You already submitted two - which is probably your best two recommendations. You wouldn’t want to add a third one that is not as strong as the previous two.

10

@Desiree2 @TopCatal Thank you for responding and offering me some assistance. I’ve talked with my college adviser and we did some remodeling to my appeal letter. It’s 730 words, and I really need you guys to help me cut to down to 500. I’m not good at making it less wordy, but hopefully you guys are.

To Whom It May Concern:
To understand someone, one must understand their stories.

I would like to thank you for your time and consideration of my appeal letter to the University of California, Berkeley. I am writing this on behalf of my rejection to the university. I applied to the university as an undergraduate. However, I felt that due to my inadequate test scores, I was denied admission to the University of California Berkeley in the College of Engineering. I am writing this genuine letter to make an appeal for the fall 2016 admission to the university. I believe that the information given below will illustrate that I am an exceptional student for the university.
As I look back on my application and personal statements, I realize that I left out important information about my family and how it impacted my ability to achieve a higher scores on my SAT. I am the oldest child in my family. being the oldest in my family I act as a third parent taking care of the younger ones. My parent does not speak english, so they depend on me to care for my siblings and make sure they don’t go astray. I assist them with homework, prepare meals and drive them to their extracurricular activities. Whilst doing that I applied for internships to learn new experiences and earn a little extra money to support my family. This lack of time restricted my preparation for the SAT. Attending Berkeley would be the perfect choice of school in relation to both aspects: its proximity to my hometown of Oakland as well as my focus on educational opportunities Berkeley offers.
A personal note as to why I desire to attend Berkeley out of my other possibilities: At the beginning of my senior year, in the midst of studying and preparing myself for the SAT and SAT subject tests, I was involved in a car accident. Combined with school work, college application, studying for SAT, and keeping up with my extracurricular activities, the problems I faced with an insurance claim put me through difficult time. It took me three months to finalized my claim and proved that I was not at fault. My car was a total lost and it put me through a lot of disadvantage; driving to school, extracurricular activities and attending classes that help boost my scores. I was able to pull through, push myself to walk few miles to places where I need to be, bus to community services and trying my best to keep up with my school work and grades.
Berkeley, a place where engineering students strives to make an impact in our world with advancement technologies. As I dream of becoming an engineer, I plan to make this dream become reality through hard work and dedication for a higher learning. Berkeley would provide me with common core knowledge for engineering, the knowledge where one can only obtain from a top tier university. Though my goal of becoming a successful engineer continues despite denied admission at the university, I feel I can be at my fullest potential at UC Berkeley.
Being in a varsity volleyball team where I’m expected to play to my fullest as new a player as well improving in order to be better, I have practiced numerous hours in my free time with my teammates. The disappointment I faced at my denial to Berkeley continues, I wanted to give myself a second chance like I did for volleyball, determination to improve and succeed at it. I realize if try and try, I will simply succeed and take the opportunity to my fullest potential. Failing is a way to succeed, and I’m making this a way to improve .The decision I’ve made and experiences I’ve fulfilled will guide me to success. The knowledge and determination to succeed will linger on my mind, whether or not I am admitted to the university.
I would encourage you to consider my admission, and see that my test scores do not define who I am as a student, but my ambition to learn, compete along with the best and to obtain a high educations from a prestigious university. As my extracurricular activities and grades show, I am capable and willing to take advantage of the opportunities that UC Berkeley has to offer, take leadership and determination to learn in order to succeed.

11

This is the revised version? I know English is not your first language. But is it not your college advisor’s first language too? (Note: English is NOT my first language).

Still too wordy. The real meanings of what you’re trying to present get lost in the wordiness. I’m sorry, but I can’t finish reading it.

For example, the whole paragraph:

simply says, “My application to the College of Engineering was denied, probably due to my inadequate test scores. I would like you to reconsider your decision.”

Also, remember that you can express your interest, but how much UC Berkeley is good for you is NOT a reason why they should have admitted you. It is similar to saying, “You should hire me because I need money.”

12

@Pentaprism Alright, thanks.
Do I send my appeal letter through mail or is there a website for it?

13

@Ehoang010 Is the word limit 500? Was it stated on the UCB website? I will take a look over your appeal letter today or tmr.

14

@Desiree2
Here’s my improve version. The word limit is 500 words, and mine is about 640 words.
Appreciate your help!
To Whom It May Concern:

To understand someone, one must understand their stories.

I would like to thank you for your time and consideration of my appeal letter to the University of California, Berkeley. I am writing this in response to my rejection to the university.
I felt that due to my inadequate test scores, I was denied admission. I believe that the information given below will illustrate that I am an exceptional student for the university.
As I look back on my application and personal statements, I realize that I left out important information about my family and how it impacted my ability to achieve a higher scores on my SAT and grades. I am the oldest child in my family, being the oldest in my family I act as a third parent taking care of the younger ones. My parents do not speak English. I have had to interpret for them during parent/teacher conferences and in public during transactions at banks and other adult meetings. In addition, they depend on me to care for my siblings and make sure they don’t go astray. I assist my siblings with homework, prepare meals and drive them to their extracurricular activities. Whilst doing that I applied for internships to learn new experiences and earn a little extra money to support my family. This lack of time restricted my preparation for the SAT. Attending Berkeley would be the perfect choice of school in relation to both aspects: concentration on my studies and focusing on the educational opportunities Berkeley offers.
A personal note as to why I my test scores and grades were inadequate: In senior year, in the midst of studying and preparing myself for the SAT, I was involved in a car accident which totaled our car. My parents were unable to handle the insurance claim. I was faced with more responsibility. It took me three months to finalize my claim and prove that I was not at fault. Losing my car caused me a lot of disadvantages; I couldn’t to drive to school, or participate in extracurricular activities or add classes to help boost my grades and SAT scores. However, I did walk to places or bus to my community service, trying my best to keep up with my school work and grades.
Berkeley is a place where engineering students strive to make an impact in our world by advancing technology. As I dream of becoming an engineer, I plan to make this dream become reality through hard work and dedication for a higher learning. Berkeley would provide me with common core knowledge for engineering, the knowledge one can only obtain from a top tier university. Though my goal of becoming a successful engineer continues despite having been denied admission at the university, I feel I can be at my fullest potential at UC Berkeley because the university offers advanced technology research such as exoskeleton and robotic technology.
As a committed volleyball player, I have to be determined and persistent to be successful as well as academically. If I give myself a second chance,I will simply succeed and take the opportunity to the fullest. The decision I’ve made and experiences I’ve fulfilled will guide me to success. I am proud of my knowledge and determination to succeed; these will linger in my mind, whether or not I am admitted to the university.
I encourage you to see that my test scores and grades do not define who I am as a student; instead, my ambition to learn, compete along with the best competing with the best and illustrate my leadership are reasons to consider my admission. As my extracurricular activities and grades show, I am capable and willing to take advantage of the opportunities that UC Berkeley has to offer, take leadership and learn in order to succeed.

15

@Ehoang010 I’m going to grade this against my own appeals letter that was successful.

To begin with, I’m going to ignore your broken grammar. There are a LOT of simple grammar mistakes.

  1. Your essay is still too wordy. You don't have to sugarcoat your letter or flower it up. In my own letter, I was extremely straight to the point, if not even blunt sometimes.
  2. This is just my own opinion (and the college counselors at my former high school -note: I attended a private school with a dedicated college counseling system), but maybe you shouldn't address the SAT scores at all. Sometimes, keeping it positive is a good way to write your letter. There isn't always a need to address problems, especially when they're so small (and almost petty in my opinion) here.
  3. With regards to the paragraph that starts like, "As a personal note...", I think this paragraph is completely unnecessary. The only real justification I could think of would be if you were severely injured in the crash, but that STILL doesn't justify your bad test scores that happened before. Also, I read this entire paragraph almost as kind of an excuse over anything. Admissions officers don't like that.
  4. As a general overall to your essay, it really (in my opinion) feels like an "excuse letter." You are simply blaming your academic failure on relatively small and simple things that are light compared to other students. There are plenty of kids who go through much harder hardships just to even attend school. With regards to your "interpretation" statement, I'm not sure how far my opinion goes, but many students at Berkeley are also the children of immigrant parents who struggle at English. My parents were the same, and I've been doing what you have my whole life. I also find it hard to blame bad test scores on a "lack of being able to go to classes." Personally, I never took a single ACT/SAT class - I just did practice problems and got near full-scores on both (2350 and 35).
  5. What you're providing as a statement for why Berkeley should accept you, although I'm not trying to be harsh, is just plain bs. Many students around the world have TONS of motivation to succeed. Most of them, however, don't have the test scores or marks to back it up, which is the same in your case, I would assume. You need to provide real, tangible NEW proof of why UC Berkeley should reconsider and accept you. This also should be noted in your last paragraph. UC Berkeley is basically a collection of the best students in the world who are leaders, determined, etc. I would advise finding a UNIQUE reason to why they should reconsider you.
  6. Speaking about your last paragraph, rewrite it completely. Your first sentence ("I encourage you to see that my test scores and grades do not define...") isn't what you want. You are asking Berkeley to reconsider you as a student, and you need to acknowledge (if ever so passively) that they are the ones in control here.

In my own opinion, I would honestly (I’m not trying to be harsh but I know I am) just rewrite your entire essay. It doesn’t provide any real NEW and SIGNIFICANT information for why they should reconsider you, especially when you consider yourself to the scope of other students. Find something that’s unique to yourself, and make that the focus of your essay.

16

@mikuru Thanks.
Should I focus on writing why I want to attend Berkeley? Like their researches? I don’t really know what to say.

17

I would follow the instructions on their prompt - provide significant new information for you.

You need to tell Berkeley something new that happened to you, preferably between the time since you applied and now. It should be unique to you, and you only. For example, say someone started a student exchange program that went really well (and they changed overseas), maybe you got some HUGE award sometime in between, etc.

In short, you need to tell Berkeley why they want to attend you, and you need to be VERY clear about it. Don’t flower it up, don’t provide excuses of why your application was bad. In this sense, assume your application, grades, and test scores were GOOD. Keep it positive.

Also, just because you may not have something significant doesn’t mean you still shouldn’t write something. You have nothing to lose if you appeal, but you lose your last chance if you don’t. Good luck!

18

@mikuru Alright!, Thanks for the tip!