Applying as transfer to Purdue... do you think this essay is appropraite?

<p>Haha, as if i'll get in, but I guess it's worth a shot. They asked three questions for a personal statement, and I chose #3:</p>

<p>Describe a setback you have encountered in your life. Explain how you handled the situation, what you learned from it, and what you would do if something similar happened in the future.</p>

<p>So, this is what I plan for my response:</p>

<p>The biggest setback in my life occurred because of my own poor choices. I spent time with the wrong group of people, which had a negative influence on my high school years. When I was in high school, I did not view a college education as necessary, and decided that as long as I had a high school diploma I would be fine. After I graduated, I attended Rock Valley College at my parent’s behest. Because of the fact that I did not want to be there, when I was dropped off in the mornings I would spend time with people who I thought were my friends, instead of going to class. The result of this poor choice was a full semester of F’s. </p>

<p>In October of 2005, I found a steady job with (company) in (city), IL. I started as a temporary worker, but I worked hard and was given a permanent position on their warehouse team. In the next year, I was given responsibilities such as ordering supplies, scheduling truck pickups, negotiating rates with shipping companies, and managing the warehouse while my supervisor was on vacation. Soon after that, I was repairing our company’s products, and coordinating with the engineering department for troubleshooting. They even sent me on trips to Coors in Elkton, Virginia, and Procter and Gamble in Lima, Ohio as a service technician. However, when my supervisor was moved to a different department, I realized how important a college education is. My supervisor’s position was given to an outside applicant, who had a degree. I also saw how all three of my younger brothers who had graduated high school decided not to attend college, and how I might have been an influence on them.</p>

<pre><code>I decided that I wanted to be an engineer, due to my experience working with engineers. So, I quit my job and enrolled at a community college in Iowa, so I could be far from the influences that had hindered the achievement of my goals. I enrolled in the engineering program at NIACC in the fall of 2008, and received a 3.0 GPA. In spring 2009, my mid-term GPA was 3.3. I was also been given academic forgiveness for the first semester I attended at RVC.

I overcame the obstacle I had created for myself by seeing what the real world was like, and realizing that I could not be as successful as I wanted to without a college degree. By attending college far away from the negative influences in my life, I was able to focus solely on my studies. I also would like to be a positive role model for my younger brothers, and show them that even though they did not attend college right away, they can still be accepted into a great university and have a great career. Now that I have seen the real world, and how important a college education is, I have a greater appreciation for a college education.

<p>Is this an acceptable response to that question, or is it too detailed?</p>

<p>I like it. It is honest, and explains you and your history. </p>

<p>If anything, I would try to define explicitly what the "setback" is. Still tell the exact same story, but define one thing as THE setback. As it reads now, there was a series of events which were just unfortunate. Pick one thing to identify and vilify. Then you will be able to talk how you conquered that specific thing. (While you discuss everything else you are already talking about, of course.) </p>

<p>Maybe along the lines of "the biggest setback I have experienced has been the results of my own poor choice of not treating education seriously when I was young" ... except phrased better. Or pick out some other thing to make your focus.</p>

<p>I think it's a great idea, it really shows that you know what you did wrong and that you want to get better! Of course it can get better with editing, and yea as 'Uuu' mentioned, try to make the setback something like, 'my arrogance towards a higher education' or something, im not saying youre arrogant, but you know what i mean, i hope :P </p>

<p>also, found this error, thought id tell you :) looks like its just a product of editing though:</p>

<p>'I was also been given academic forgiveness for the first semester I attended at RVC.'</p>

<p>haha, thanks! just noticed that</p>