Applying to a college your parents don't approve of: what do you think?

<p>So since I will be a senior this fall, I have started my application list. My list includes privates, some state schools and University of Chicago- which is where the real problem starts. See, my parents have given me a radius of where I can go to college, no farther north than maybe New Hampshire or Vermont, no further south than Virginia and as for west, um no more west than PA. They say that they are restricting my application pool because they want to be able to drive to see me if anything happens. This means that University of Chicago is out of my reach. My parents don't even want me to apply there, and yes, they will be paying for college. But the problem is that I love University of Chicago, i have perused it's brochures, and its website, even its essay questions and it seems like the perfect place for me. But I haven't seen it. So I was thinking about secretly applying to University of Chicago and, if I get in, trying to convince my parents to let me go there. However, I am wondering if this is such a good idea, my parents might be furious with me for secretly applying somewhere, I haven't seen U chicago, so I may have been deceived by clever advertising/ my desire to rebel. But if I don't apply, won't I always wonder what if? what if i could have gotten in? what if i would be happy there?
I feel like not applying would be giving up my dream. So parents, please help me evaluate from a logical viewpoint--- what do you think?</p>

<p>If they are paying, they can make the choice.</p>

<p>With that said, you don't need to give up. Figure out why you are so interested in the school and put together a presentation to give your parents. Don't get emotional, just show them the facts about why it's a good choice for you.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>If your home is anywhere near a major airport, you could probably do some research and show that there is an abundance of flights to Chicago. It's quite easy to get there from most places, and the flights are not enormously expensive. In contrast, getting to little towns in such states as New Hampshire and Vermont is often very difficult.</p>

<p>Your parents might not be able to drive to see you easily if there is a problem, but they would have no trouble getting to Chicago by other means.</p>

<p>That said, could you make that presentation and try to convince them to visit the University of Chicago with you so that all of you would be better informed about the school?</p>

<p>An aside: I resented my parents for 30 years because they refused to let me apply to the University of Pennsylvania. Then I visited that school with one of my kids and hated it. I would have hated it 30 years earlier, too. If my parents and I had visited Penn, a long-term problem between us would never have existed. The same sort of resolution could happen if a visit prompts the parents, rather than the student, to change their minds about a college.</p>

<p>There are Moms in Chicago. Tell them if something happens Sapling's mom will drive to see you and maybe some other CC moms.</p>


<p>my mom JUST warmed up to the idea of me applying to schools outside of NY, like in MA or PA.
but now i want to look at pomona and i'm afraid she'll flip out :(</p>

<p>Considering that many parents mandate that the only schools their kids can apply to are in state publics, I think your parents are being pretty open minded by restricting you to colleges within a reasonable driving distance. It sounds like your parents want to be able to get to you swiftly in case of an emergency, and that also seems reasonable to me. It can be very hard and very expensive to fly if there's an emergency.</p>

<p>My advice is to be grateful for what your parents are offering, and to look for colleges that are similar to Chicago and that are within the region that your parents would find allowable.</p>

<p>There are hundreds of colleges within the region that your parents are allowing you to apply. I think you can find others beside Chicago that would be good matches for you.</p>

<p>If you want to go to U Chicago, then plan to go there for grad school, and plan to find a way to afford it without your parents' help (if they would restrict your grad/professional school options).</p>

<p>Why are you are so attached to one schools? It is kind of strange. Most people are more flexible and realistic and take into consideration who is paying. Paying party holds Veto power, just remember that and chill, it is not that important where you go UG.</p>

<p>Nil, we placed a similar "restriction" on our kids' college applications. They had to be within a 3 hour drive of this house, or within an hour's drive of a relative or close family case of an emergency. While one hopes this will never need to be used, we had to this year. DD was 3000 miles away and needed emergency surgery. She was close to both a relative and a close family friend who were able to be at her hospital bedside for the surgery and 4 days in the hospital. When we put the restriction on the college choices, DD was NOT happy. BUT this winter, she was MIGHTY happy to have an advocate (or two) with her at the hospital. (and yes....I was planning to go out there but the "surgery" plans kept changing and changing...and I would not have been able to take a flight that would have gotten me there for early morning surgery).</p>

<p>I'm with NSM.</p>

<p>If giving up a dream is what it takes to be respectful to the people who will be footing the very substantial bill, then do it. Let that dream go and replace it with ten new ones. It would be a decision, and very immature one, to decide that there are no schools within your parents given boundaries that could be an excellent fit for you.</p>

<p>Being stubborn about a forbid fruit involves a child's mindset. Gratitude for the tremendous gift one has been given requires an adults mindset. Rise to this occasion and work with your parents.</p>

<p>Whatever you do, do not apply behind their backs. That would be a slap in the face to the people who have raised you and love you.</p>

<p>What about the OP's question about whether she should secretly apply?</p>

<p>How one can Dream about something they know so little about. Nobody can assess opportunities at any place before they start attending. My D. was completely floored by academic challange of classes at her school. She adjusted rather quickly, but her expectations were different. I warn against any judgement before you actually experience what it is. Thanks goodness, that D was very flexible about going to her #2, instead of her "dream" #1. Worked out very well for her (college senior). Stay open to all opportunities, do not break thru closed door, the opened ones might lead to a better choice at the end. Good luck!</p>

<p>I think secretly applying is a terrible idea.
You can make a deal with your parents that you'll apply and table the discussion about whether it's a good choice until after you get admitted (or not).
I agree with the poster who said that some distances that look further on the map are actually faster because they are bridged by major airline routes.</p>

What about the OP's question about whether she should secretly apply?


<p>Absolutely horrid idea. I will be very surprised if even one adult thinks this is a good idea.</p>

<p>As someone who is allowing her child to go a school far away (we're in south Texas, he'll be in Boston...where my sister lives very close by), I want to address the the driving/flying issue. It is not the same even if the travel times work out the same. They are, at best, similar under the ideal circumstances. But what parents wants to be within driving distance to their child only to be able to get to them under the ideal circumstances?</p>

<p>At two in the morning, I can get in my car, drive and be to Austin by six am. There are no flights at two in the morning to Boston. Assuming we could get on the first flight out of our city, which we would pay triple the advance fare rate for, and assuming that there were no delays, the earliest we could be in Boston would be 2pm. Then we'd have to deal with transportation to get to our son. So let's put it at 3pm.</p>

<p>The reason parents want to be able to get to their children by car is if the worst happens. We all know the difference between 6am and 3pm can be the difference between...I cannot even type it. </p>

<p>So, yes, I completely understand and support parents who put a driving time limit on the process. It was a very difficult decision for us to let go of that and if our circumstance were different, we most likely would not have. If my sister did not live so close to Boston, there is no way he would have be allowed to apply to the college he will be attending.</p>

<p>Apply where you want to apply. You're practically an adult...and if you want to go there so badly over the rest of the places, then try to convince your parents. If that doesn't work, then take out loans.</p>

<p>Personally, I don't understand why you have a problem with that your parents are offering. They are paying for your education and that is very expensive. Consider yourself lucky.</p>

<p>Don't secretly apply.</p>

<p>But talk to your parents about this. Is there some particular reason that they think there might be an emergency? Do you have some particular health issue? Did a sibling or a relative have an emergency? Be respectful, and try to understand their reasons. They may relax the restrictions a bit if they think more about it--especially if you show them how easy it is to get to Chicago.</p>

<p>Hunt, Is there some particular reason to think our children might not wind up in an emergency situation? Because if there is somewhere that my child will be beyond the odds of young men his age, I'd love to send him there.</p>

<p>"Apply where you want to apply. You're practically an adult...and if you want to go there so badly over the rest of the places, then try to convince your parents. If that doesn't work, then take out loans"</p>

<p>It is not possible for a teen to take out loans totaling more than $200 k, which is at last how much it would cost for 4 years of education at U Chicago if she got no financial aid and her parents won't help pay for it.</p>

<p>I agree with others: Don't apply behind your parents' backs.</p>

<p>Don't secretly apply. But talk to your parents. The scale for college fit, at least for me, was logarithmic - no other school that I could think of is 1/10th as much a fit for me as UChic is.</p>

<p>My dad is not comfortable with it being far away from relatives or friends or at the very least a military base. But how can he resist his darling little girl's desire? :P He got excited (enough) about it after he read some reviews (about safety and such) online and saw a 3D depiction of the campus, though. They have different concepts of 'good school' than you do - show them that it's safe, that you have access to help, etc. A visit never hurts, either.</p>

But how can he resist his darling little girl's desire?


<p>Oy vey. I have no words.</p>

Hunt, Is there some particular reason to think our children might not wind up in an emergency situation?

Well, yeah. Most children don't. Lots of people allow their children to go to college more than three hours away, and most never have any problem. And for those that do, I suspect that in most cases the emergency can be dealt with by people at the college. Of course, people have different comfort levels--I'm just suggesting to the OP that he/she might want to explore this more with the parents.</p>