This is my first college essay and the prompt is:
Considering your lifetime goals, discuss how your current and future academic and extra-curricular activities might help you achieve your goals.
I sorta had this super strange idea about how to start it and here it is:
I have just three measly cones in my eyes. Yes those three cones allow me to see 10 million colors, but to put that number into perspective, a mantis shrimp has twelve cones. With those twelve cones they could be able to see colors inside of colors ,colors inside of sounds, colors inside of smells, even colors inside of feelings. They could be looking into the every-day world I see through an impossibly magical lens, giving them a new perspective on the marvelous mosaic subtleties of everything that I miss.
Unfortunately, though as hard as I try, I’m not able to magically transform into a mantis shrimp, my original lifetime goal when I first read this article ten years ago. The basis of my goal, though, to be able to see the world and it’s inhabitants in every day with a fresh perspective still resonates with me today,specifically through medicine.
from here I’m going to move more into the extracurriculars and how science allowed me to see the world in new ways and somehow relate it back to medicine allowing me to not only see but also interact with the world. Do you think this is a good start or should i do an essay revolved around just straight up i wanna be a doctor and start it with a mini-sob story or found a person hurting story. Please comment.
There are of course minor grammatical errors to be tended to, but overall, this is refreshingly original. It made a nice transition into your goals and future intentions which was solid. Too many people do a sob story so it’s good that you steered clear of that. I think the admission officers will appreciate your creativity. I did at least! Good luck!
Lol, it’s pretty clear from the way you worded the options which one you want to do. I really liked the creativity, though; I don’t see why you shouldn’t go ahead and use it. But make sure your enthusiasm for the mantis shrimp isn’t getting in the way of factual accuracy… You may get someone who’d back-check what you’re saying out of curiosity, like me. The sentence about seeing colors inside of feelings, etc. is a little hyperbolic, and I think that some studies within the ten years since you’ve read that article have disproved “the more photoreceptors = [large number] times more colors” claim. You can Wiki it. But mantis shrimp do have exceptional vision in a very wide range, so you don’t have to scrap the idea.
So you think it’s a solid idea to move from? I was being a bit hyperbolic but I was reading about them and they can actually see cancer and doctors are using them so I figured they could sorta do the rest… I’ll fact check though. I mean I could do a well written story about finding someone in pain but I thought this was a nice change of pace from everyone else’s and I thought it was really cool. Any more advice?
Yeah, definitely use it, because it is really cool. My only advice would be to focus on making the transition between your hook and the actual answer to the question smooth; you do have an interesting opener, but now you have to make a bigger jump back to a fairly standard answer. And lol, I don’t know how many people have chosen to go into medicine because they “find someone in pain,” but that could be a pretty interesting essay too.