Are stay-at-home-moms too dumb to know why they are staying home?

[zoosermom]

<p>

I always knew that I can get another job. It’s really simple.

Nah. It is exactly not that simple for someone in partnership year in a law firm, or even as a senior associate. This is something that you know nothing of.</p>

[IndianParent]

<p>

What WERE you responding to?

</p>

<p>Usually, not always, but usually, like 100% of the time, I respond to the part that I quote.</p>

[IndianParent]

<p>

Nah. It is exactly not that simple for someone in partnership year in a law firm, or even as a senior associate. This is something that you know nothing of.

</p>

<p>I know all about excuses though. </p>

<p>This is a free country. No one puts a gun next to someone’s head and forces them to become a lawyer.</p>

[IndianParent]

<p>

I have to wrap up for tonight (great discussion!). My parting question is this - if it is important for the kids’ happiness that the parents are there for events, why do I see so few fathers in the events and so many SAHMs? Is it not important for the fathers to be there as well? Why do fathers get a pass for devoting themselves 110% to their work, while their SAHW picks up the slack?</p>

<p>I mean, we are talking about the kids’ happiness here, right? Should SAHMs have very clear chats with their spouses and set expectations?

</p>

<p>Any thoguhts, forum?</p>

[MaineLonghorn]

<p>No.</p>

<p>(10 char)</p>

[lake42ks]

<p>

Why do fathers get a pass for devoting themselves 110% to their work, while their SAHW picks up the slack?

</p>

<p>Father and mother become ONE. His 110% to his work has 40% of her effort.</p>

[MaineLonghorn]

<p>Thank you, lake42ks. That’s a beautiful way to phrase it.</p>

[IndianParent]

<p>

Father and mother become ONE. His 110% to his work has 40% of her effort.

</p>

<p>LOL. Is that how the kids see it? I know that if I skip an event my son would bury me alive. Before any event, in particular, he is stressed (he is super competitive and wants towin everything) and needs me to calm him down. I have routinely skipped out of major business meetings because I need to be with him. However, I have seen some colleagues prioritizing business over personal life and I cannot for the life of me understand why in the world they would do that.</p>

[zoosermom]

<p>

Usually, not always, but usually, like 100% of the time, I respond to the part that I quote.

In this specific instance, you didn’t. Go back and re-read. </p>

<p>

Quote:
Do not agree that parents who work full-time spend the same time with their kids as those of us who don’t–how can they? </p>

<p>So, by that logic, your husband should quit his job and spend more time with his kids, right? If that is not needed for either your husband or your kids, and they are both doing fine in their personal growth and relationship, then you do not need to spend that much time either with your kids. So which one is it?

There was no argument or should in my post. It was a reference to the fact that 24 hours are in a day. Then you made some bizarre comment about my husband (who is the at-home dad) quitting his job and spending more time with the kids. There was nothing like that in the post to which you responded. Care to try again?</p>

[zoosermom]

<p>

I know all about excuses though. </p>

<p>

It’s not about excuses. It’s about making the choice to conform one’s work experience in a manner that suits the employee AND the employer.</p>

[zoosermom]

<p>

I have routinely skipped out of major business meetings because I need to be with him.

But yet you judge others harshly for doing the same thing?</p>

<p>■■■■■ or woman hater?</p>

[IndianParent]

<p>ZM, I was not responding to your post. Look up the thread and you will see that I was responding to HIMom. She is an SAHM, you are a WM. Her context is different from yours. I was responding to her context, not yours. Seriously!</p>

[zoosermom]

<p>You’re right IP, I apologize. I posted the same thing.</p>

[IndianParent]

<p>

But yet you judge others harshly for doing the same thing?

</p>

<p>Who did I judge harshly? I am all for people putting their own lives first. I did that myself. However, I also knew that I took a risk doing that, and that was my choice. I didn’t ask my employer to show any leniency. the tradeoff was clear to me. If I am good, my employer would grin and bear it. If I am not good, I would get fired. That’s what I expect everyone else to do. Not ask for leniency, just be clear about your value proposition, and do what you need to do without worrying about permission.</p>

[IndianParent]

<p>

You’re right IP, I apologize. I posted the same thing.

</p>

<p>No worries. I don’t mind being the whipping boy of this forum. Kind of used to it by now. :-)</p>

[zoosermom]

<p>

Not ask for leniency, just be clear about your value proposition, and do what you need to do without worrying about permission.

If you didn’t have “leniency” you wouldn’t have a job.</p>

<p>What is your wife’s perception of the work-life balance in your family?</p>

[performersmom]

<p>IP< what if your son’s performance is scheduled at the same time as a meeting? One you cannot re-schedule because it involves many others, is required, and is run by people above you who are only in town at that time? Or is a competitive bid meeting for a piece of business?</p>

<p>Many people’s days and weeks are full of these types of commitments for their jobs.</p>

[IndianParent]

<p>It’s not leniency, it’s a tradeoff. Leniency would apply if I was not bringing anything to the table. </p>

<p>My wife’s perception is that I work too hard. She works no more than 30 hours each week. She is research faculty at one of the Elite Us.</p>

[IndianParent]

<p>

IP< what if your son’s performance was scheduled at the same time as a meeting? One you cannot re-schedule because it involves many others, is required, and is run by people above you who are only in town at that time? Or was a competitive bid meeting for a piece of business?

</p>

<p>You can always re-schedule a meeting if you are critical to it, or drop out of a meeting if you are not. What do people do when they get two critical meetings scheduled at the same time? They reschedule one. It can be done, people just don’t do it when the other conflict is personal.</p>

<p>And, frankly, what’s the worst that can happen? I get fired. That’s not the end of the world! the end of the world would be something like … my kid getting hit by a car and lapsing into a coma. It’s just a job. I can always find another one if I want to, which I may not anyway.</p>

[frazzled1]

<p>This thread is reminding me of something Mark Twain said … wish I could remember what it was …</p>