are there any parents here that have academic underachievers?!

Parent Cafe
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<p>am i the only one whose S is an academic underachiever in here?? everyone’s Ds and Ss seem to have 1500 SATs and get recruited by ivy league schools. geez, do i feel like a failure. and i only have one. couldn’t for the life of me get him to open a book he didn’t want to read (most books), and believe me, i’m relentless! he’d rather write a book or screenplay than read one. he is the most stubborn guy in the world. i should start a thread for “parents of extremely talented but academically challenged children.” </p>

<p>he got into our state college (thank goodness for FSU!!!). waiting for USC’s decision, which if he gets in will be 100% because of pure talent and EC activities.</p>

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<p>Nope, you’re not the only one. The admissions depts probably thought underachiever when looking at my S’s high SATs and so-so gpa. Still, he’s been accepted at four of six, wait-listed one, and still waiting to hear on the EA deferral, and most likely will go to the state public when all said and done. I think these kids find their own niche once they get to college, and do what they have a passion for, or at least I hope so!</p>

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<p>HEY!!! i’m one of the kids… well… i’m not an underachiever but i certainly don’t do as well as i can… my parents have had their fair share of arguments over studying, as i’d rather practice violin, but it always ends up working out… if there are any worried parents on cc it’s ok… have faith in your kids ;)</p>

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<p>contrary to popular opinion not all kids are capable of getting 1500 on their SAT’s. I tried my hardest on mine and i didn’t get anywhere close to that. Does this mean i was underachieving? I don’t think so. I did the best i can. Do i have the best gpa in my school… nope… but did i try my hardest in every class, of course I did. you can’t judge what grades someone gets to say if theyre under or over achieving… unless someone gets like 99’s in every class and all the sudden starts getting 70’s in everything, then somethings wrong. ;)</p>

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<p>S is a wonderful young man, whom I am enormously proud of because he is thoughtful, has good values, is ethical, makes nice friends, etc. His grades, however, don’t match his intellectual abilities.</p>

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<p>I have a son (second son, a junior this year) who is much more likely to be reading something NOT related to the work he has been assigned. He does his math at the last minute, and half way. He is very bright, manages often to carry the class in discussion (we have been told) and does well on standardized tests. I have a real concern that college, with its inherent freedoms, will result in major trials, that he won’t get up for class, and that he will learn the hard way that you CANNOT procrastinate and still get most everything done. </p>

<p>We have also learned that harping on him or trying to organize him has not worked any better than letting him experience the consequences of his actions. It is better, I think, that he get a sense of his own responsibilities than that we shoulder them for him by constant scheduling, which he rejects anyway. (Letting go has been VERY hard.) We both worry that he won’t have as many choices for college when the time comes, but mercifully, the Colleges that Change Lives philosophy has changes our perspective a bit. I think he will go to college, but it may be for the best if he doesn’t go to the most difficult schools on the planet. If he catches fire when in college, we can hope he can transfer.</p>

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<p>S was an underachiever until senior year when he was named a Natl. Merit Semi-Finalist (barely made the cut-off). That totally changed his life around–he hadn’t thought that being smart could also be cool. He applied himself, made honor roll that year, and has done very well in his college courses. No matter what folks said–teachers, guidance counselors, etc.–he truly believed that he was not that smart. It had to come from within.</p>

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<p>Ginny;
I hardly know a boy’s mom who doesn’t have the ‘ladism’ underachieving problem.The good news is that many boys decide that it is ‘cool’ to strive for excellence in college. </p>

<p>Our babysitter (boy) did not get into a single school–from a top private hs. He had a very low GPA and a few C- grades first semester senior year. The teachers told him he really earned Ds–but they tried not to give Ds in that semester.</p>

<p>His father planned to take him to the army office to sign him up but on the way they stopped for coffee and they met one of the boy’s hs teachers. The teacher went pale when he heard about the military plans and he offered to call one of the unis. </p>

<p>The uni agreed to take our babysitter if he would agree to do a summer pre-course.</p>

<p>He graduated with an A average, got a great job, fell in love with a great girl, made an inordinate amount of money for a 24 year old, applied to top 20 grad schools and got in. He’s due to graduate in June.</p>

<p>He’s had two job offers. One from his old firm–who offered him $125k per year PLUS a payoff of ALL his school loans. (This boy is now 26).</p>

<p>He took the other job offer instead because it was his dream job. He and his wife (he married college sweetheart) bought a condo in a great city and are geting ready to begin the next phase of their lives.</p>

<p>In a very convoluted way, slacker boys do master efficiency and competition. When the time comes, they can be surprisingly prepared.</p>

<p>btw, The father, a highly successful professional who had been tossed out of a couple high schools himself, paid 4 years of Private U tuition for this boy. The loans were grad school loans.</p>

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<p>cheers-
Thank you for sharing the story. I enjoyed your post.</p>

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<p>We’ve got both ends of the spectrum - a daughter getting merit scholarship offers from the likes of Oberlin and Hopkins for musical achievement despite 70th to 80th percentile SAT’s and class rank, and a slacker son getting mostly C’s in freshman year of high school while scoring 95th percentile plus on standardized tests. </p>

<p>She has an incredible work ethic and participates in virtually every musical EC in school plus a few outside of school. He simply ignores things he considers boring, e.g. most homework, but does exceptionally well on hands-on projects that catch his fancy. I think he will be doing fine in 10 or 15 years, but its going to be a bumpy road. Perhaps it will be a little easier for him with his overachieving sister off at college.</p>

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<p>Cheers: I"m going to take hope from your story. I have an underachieving son and I’m jealous of those of you who have sons who actually read. My son reads basketball brackets and poker web sites. Period. I’m also trying very hard to let go and let him find his own way but it’s not easy. He’s a sophomore and the college admissions process is going to be an adventure with him. I am not looking forward to it.</p>

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<p>thanks to everyone that replied. i feel better. whew!</p>

<p>thanks cheers for that story - i know first hand that these lazy high school boys do seem to blossom in college as this is exactly what happened to my brother who couldn’t even get into college and had to go to a jr. college for 2 yrs., then transfer. he is now a multi-millionnaire banker. he has harvard mba’s working under him. we were just discussing that this past weekend when we visited him in boston. he was laughing at how low his SAT score was back then.</p>

<p>it just seems like everyone on these boards have stats that are incredible - and many of them are boys! in my sons case, he is so so smart, but NEVER cracks a book - he somehow just slides by. did he prepare for the SAT? no. did he take it more than once? of course not. he has so many other things happening that studying and making good grades are not his priorities. momofthree - my son and yours sound like twins. it all seems very boring and inconsequential to him. he has had his eyes opened recently, however, with some of these rejections, i must say. i really am hoping he will get down to business in college. if he gets accepted to USC, maybe he’ll be so happy, that he’ll do whatever is necessary to make it there.</p>

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<p>I’ve been through the mill with my 3 boys – all different, each 4 yrs apart from the next. #1 was 1st in class, a teacher’s dream, parents’ dream cuz he spoiled us but still marched to his own tune, at a HYP. #2 was/is a rebel and slacked off tremendously despite being in all
Honors and AP classes – even got a D last semester in AP calc. He is deliriously happy as college jr cuz he is studying subject he loves – just got As in his internship. More importantly we have a great relationship now that he is on his own – we were oil and water when he was at home. Jury still out on #3 who is going through peer pressure stuff. Just hang in there, try to steer the kid, and it changes
from day to day. Somehow we all survive.</p>

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<p>Speaking of slacking on standardized tests, S didn’t even know that the PSAT was also the national merit exam. Come senior year, he did the old slap on the forehead jeez if I had known I would have tried harder thing. He only worked hard in those areas that he enjoyed–English, social studies, and art. Motivation was definitely an issue.</p>

<p>I think D saw her big bro getting into “trouble” and decided she didn’t want anything to do with that, so she ended up on the other end of the spectrum grade-wise and score-wise. Go figure. At least it was nice that the younger one was the easier of the two. (Fingers crossed!)</p>

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<p>My whole thing is that I do really bad on multiple choice tests. Both the standardized ones (SAT), and regular multiple choice tests in college. I could be given a multiple choice test on marketing and get a C, but be given an Essay test on the same material and get an A. Same with pretty much all of my other classes. I think there’s just something in my head that has trouble with multiple choice questions. I just can’t do them. Never could. I don’t think that multiple choice questions test anything… they just check your ability to choose the “correct” answer… where as essay tests actually require you to search your mind and actually explain WHY or WHAT something is in your own words (or whatever the question is asking)… rather than looking at 4 pre-chosen options and having to pick the correct one. Just not my thing. I did much better in high school and in college than I did on my SAT’s, probably because there is more incorporated into a grade than just the multiple guess questions. When I got my SAT scores back everyone was like “what happened?”… and I took them twice, didn’t improve at all… and I studied like crazy. I just can’t do that kind of test ;(</p>

<p>Just a thought. All I’m saying is not everybody is good at that sort of thing… so it really might not be underachieving.</p>

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<p>Ginnynicksmom, I love this thread! I too know a bunch of underachievers who are doing fantastically well now, including one who got a 900 on his SATs (yes! There IS such a number) and who went on to an Ivy grad school and now makes half a million a year. I know a few execs for national corporations including one who was a C student at a third-tier college, now making 7 figures.</p>

<p>And even if some of the underachievers NEVER make 6 or 7 figures, who cares? There’s more to life than money!</p>

<p>My own underachiever is a D - gifted IQ, but hovers at the B+/A- grade level. </p>

<p>And BTW, I take all these super high stats with a grain of salt. I know too many non-URM, nonlegacy, nonathletes who in the past three years have gotten into top ten LACS and top ten universities with what would appear on this board to be crazy scores - like 1370s on the SATs and 28s on the ACT to think SOMETHING is wrong. Either some kids are lying about their stats, OR colleges don’t care as much as we think they do about high stats - they must be looking beyond mere scores (which I know to be true - I’m a former Ivy interviewer with friends still in the adcom biz).</p>

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<p>voronwe, my brother, the banker i mentioned above, said he got a 975 on the SAT. we couldn’t believe it and were laughing the food out of our mouths, but he stands by that number. sure hasn’t hurt him at all.</p>

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<p>Oh my goodness, I know exactally how you feel!! My daughter seems to think that everything will be soooo easy for her. She doesn’t seem to care about what GPA she gets in her indivdual classes as long as her " average" is O.K. It seems my dd doesn’t care about doing much of anything to help get herself into college or even to get prepared for life. Talk about feeling like a total failure. Now it isn’t that her grades are so bad (she has a 3.3 gpa), but she just has this idea that it’s good to be average. She sees nothing wrong with doing anything other than what is minimally required. Then she wants total praise for doing it!!! I swear I just don’t understand her.</p>

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<p>I was a classic underachiever.</p>

<p>The 5th grade teacher put me out in the hall so many times, she everntually moved my desk out there. </p>

<p>The principal organized a special bell ringing job for me in the mornings lest I stir the playground to a near-riot state.</p>

<p>In 6th grade I had to go to summer school for Math. </p>

<p>In 7th grade, the school gave an IQ test. The principal called my parents in for a special meeting. Thus began the endless rounds of “You’re not living up to your potential!!” :stuck_out_tongue: </p>

<p>My attitude? “Whatever.”</p>

<p>I was accepted to a competitive high school and placed in the top classes. I failed or came close to failing most of them. </p>

<p>In 10th grade, I began to get nervous that I might never travel the world if I didn’t lift my 1.7 GPA. It was a practical matter. Of course, I hadn’t done the math on how hard it would be to lift a 1.7. LOL. </p>

<p>In 11th grade, I finished the lower level math course in two months but the school woudln’t let me step up to the higher classes. </p>

<p>In 12th grade, the GC told me that architecture schools didn’t take girls. I can’t remember my GPA but I know it wasn’t swift. 3.1? I graduated in the bottom HALF of the class.</p>

<p>I got off a waitlist–in August.</p>

<p>Still… I nearly failed my first three semesters of architecture school. Not really paying attention, not quite tuned in, not bothered. </p>

<p>Then, age 19–and I can remember the mental sensation–something clicked. I decided to compete for higher recognition–mostly from older peers. </p>

<p>I still had controversial moments; semesters on design probation; very famous architects telling me I was fabulous; other famous architects telling me I had too much going on upstairs-- but by golly, I was fit for the best offices in NYC by the time I graduated, fit to open my own practice in NYC as a 28 year old. </p>

<p>Architecture is a high-conflict field. Architects have to go toe to toe with powerful male and female clients and aggressive male contractors. All those years of slacking, cruising on mystifying self-confidence and raising authority hackles helped make me a very very successful architect.</p>

<p>My female peers achieve too little in their architecture careers. Is the approval-seeking behavior that girls learn in elementary school ruinous in later life? It is for architects.</p>

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<p>Cheers-
That’s a great story!! I was in the middle of a long reply when our power blipped and the battery back-up failed, so <em>poof</em> went the reply. Will have to try to recreate it later :(</p>