<p>I ran across this interesting article from Psychology Today that touches on several topics that parents and students regularly discuss at CC:</p>
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<p>Also from the article comes this insight from a Cornell student:</p>
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And there’s also this sobering quote:</p>
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<p>Food for thought.
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<p>all I can say if we are a nation of wimps- psych today is our magazine of choice lol</p>
<p>i hate stupid articles like that about our generation. oh please. adults just want some dumb generalization to clamor about. every generation is told that it’s going to hell. please. our generation has mastered the internet and yours still thinks it’s a series of tubes.</p>
<p>Jimbob,</p>
<p>You might want to read the article before you comment based solely on the title.</p>
<p>the article seems to be talking about how we’re fragile basketcases who have never been allowed to fail.
wow, i guess my parents should just let me trip up and be an underachiever. sure, our generation’s parents are extreme, but it’s definitely preferable to THEIR parents’ style–what else drove our parents to treat us this way?</p>
<p>the world is a much different place nowadays. I refuse to believe that my generation is “Frail.” if anything, we’re much more cynical and hardened. and the mental breakdowns? those of us who aren’t hardened by the war and inequity of our hypercapitalistic society have every reason to fall apart.</p>
<p>my youngest daughter attends an inner city public high school, where lock downs and drive bys are regular occurances.
MOst of the time violent incidents in and around the neighborhood barely make the news- Just a couple days ago, two shooters ( twoguns anyway) fired repeatedly where kids were playing a pick up soccer game( where my daughter has track practice), this barely made the paper .
While parents are concerned about violence in teh community, I haven’t seen anyone pull their kid out of the school because of it, in fact it arguably is the most sought after public high school in Seattle .</p>
<p>I would agree that parents in general are more aware of what their kids are doing than parents of my generation. Ithink that is a good thing.</p>
<p>My parents rarely seemed to know or care what I was doing with my free time or in school, and my friends parents were not any different.</p>
<p>Parents volunteering in the schools was quite rare, and I remember very few evening events for families in the schools.
I prefer more involvement, schools should be the backbone of the neighborhood, with adults being involved in the upbringing of the next generation.</p>
<p>Well, well, well…NOW they tell us that what they’ve been telling us all along is WRONG?</p>
<p>From my personal observations as a college student in the 70s:</p>
<p>Very few, if any, of my friends/cohorts/partners in crime had the “bumps taken out for them” by their parents or schools. We only got a school guidance counselor in my senior year of high school and she was there for behavioral problems, not college counseling. Geez, I would have loved the options available to kids today. </p>
<p>Yet, there was alot of binge drinking/substance abuse, eating disorders, freaking out over the pressure, DWIs were common, etc. Most of us survived.</p>
<p>Most of my friends had their lives somewhat planned on their own. For some, the goal was to keep their student deferment. For many more, it was too avoid being on the line at Boeing, Kaiser or some other factory.</p>
<p>I was never sure for very long exactly what I wanted to DO. I loved talking with friends who were passionate about their majors. I have made a hobby of asking kids what they want to study and be when they grow up. I guess I’m still not sure what I’ll be and I’m looking for ideas.
The input from parents consisted of “get an education and do something productive for society.”
I have told my DDs to find what they’re good at and figure out how to make a living doing it. They chose their HS and their colleges. They chose their majors. Yes, they freak out occasionally. Yes, they probably are more social than studious. Yes, thanks to the cell phones and my flexible schedule, they can call me whenever they want to. I am thrilled to be asked for my opinions and insight. They usually do what they wanted to anyway, but at least I’m on the call list.</p>
<p>As for the Harvard statement about the precarious mental state of the students, what came first? the chicken or the egg? Those kids are of a different ilk than most, IMHO.</p>
<p>I do agree with this statement</p>
<p>*Parental anxiety has its place. But the way things now stand, it’s not being applied wisely. We’re paying too much attention to too few kids – and in the end, the wrong kids. As with the girl whose parents bought her the Gestalt-defect diagnosis, resources are being expended for kids who don’t need them.</p>
<p>There are kids who are worth worrying about – kids in poverty, stresses Anderegg. “We focus so much on our own children,” says Elkind, “It’s time to begin caring about all children.”*
I do see some parents freaking out about students- * high school* students potentially having to ride public transportation instead of the yellow bus
I see more neurotic people marrying each other and having kids, insted of just living in their parents basement
I see some adults, used to a lot of control and power in their work lives, expecting that power to extend to their childrens education- requiring high grades for their investment.
Not an attractive sight
I imagne at the uber competitive schools, you may find more of this than other places. When you live in an area where a certain preschool is the stepping stone to the “right” elementary school, that will get your child into the right prep school to attend an Ivy, it may be hard to realize that not everyone cares about that sort of thing :)</p>
<p>I think there is a lot of truth to this piece, but that it’s important to keep in mind that these kinds of parents are probably a relatively small percentage - maybe 20 or 30%. The points raised here reminded me of Kay Hymowitz’ book, <em>Ready or Not</em> which came out six or so years ago. I personally strongly believe that kids do need to experience a real childhood to become psychologically healthy, independent young adults. Thanks for posting the article.</p>
<p>jimbob: I don’t think our generation is frail either, but I’ve often heard you complain about the expectations that certain parents have of their kids, and you said yourself that your parents would be ashamed if you went to a state school. There’s a huge, huge middle ground between completely laissez-faire/uninvolved and the sort of parents whose kids’ lives are their major hobby.</p>
<p>If anything, though, I think we’re pretty resilient - look at all the kids who manage to fight through and overcome anxiety, depression, etc. </p>
<p>And I’ve certainly known far more kids to break down under the weight of what they felt was unresolvable, never-ending pressure from their families, than kids who crumbled because their life hit a little speed bump.</p>
<p>I also have to agree with the statement to a certain degree. I can’t count the number of times my kids have come home from school and said, we can’t do blah blah blah anymore because some parent called and complained. In our school they don’t even require the kids to shower after gym because parents complained that it was psychologically damaging to their children. The teachers beg the kids to shower because they get that gamey locker room thing going. I swear I’ve seen parents figuatively wipe the noses of their teenagers. A pampered, shielded, all A son in my neighborhood really struggled through his freshman year at college and is now home for the summer. He just wasn’t ready to make decisions, to fail sometimes and he certainly didn’t have the social skills. I do hope things go better for him next year, but I just don’t know what to say to the mom when she whines to me about the struggles. What the heck? You have 18 years to let the leash out, let the leash out, pull it back when necessary and let it out again…There’s alot of great kids out there, but there’s also a whole lotta wimps. A neighbor of mine is a college prof and the stories he tells would make your hair turn gray (unless it’s already gray). You gotta teach them how to fly, not carry them on your back. Problem is parents that carry their children on their backs don’t realize who they are and genuinely think they are doing their children a favor and have great parenting skills.</p>
<p>I wonder how much of this supposed trend is really due to the fact that college has become a near-universal experience, meaning that practically all young people – even the emotionally fragile ones – go to college.</p>
<p>Jimbob,</p>
<p>I generally agree with your comment #5 in that I think your generation is bright, hard-working and accomplished. While I understand the cynicism in your generation, I worry nonetheless.</p>
<p>Just look at a Psych Today cover and scan a few articles. It will only take you a few minutes to learn that PT is not much but sensational, popular trash.</p>
<p>It’s the doting. The worst. Parents need to get a life. Have you seen the CC thread where the mother wants to know what her son should bring and wear to the hall bathroom? Come on!</p>
<p>well I have to admit I lolled
but then my D was in a dorm that was coed with coed bathrooms, & I didn’t even realize it till she got there-</p>
<p>oh well
not everyone is so casual apparently
I am sympathic though to people who have harder time</p>
<p>My daughter went to schools where they had coed tents for overnight school trips ( well not planned but her tent collapsed in the rain) & she attended a co-ed overnight party ( at someones home) for end of muscial as well as for high school graduation.<br>
I think that people who worry about what their kid is going to wear in the middle of the night to go pee, may be displacing anxiety about something else.
The way that I think that people who flip out over seemingly minor details of their wedding, are probably actually worried about “what the hell am I doing?”
I wonder if that is why parents can seem to be very concerned about details that parents a couple generations ago, might never have even thought about.
There is so much that we * can’t* control.
Terrorism, assaults, drive bys, drunk drivers, innumerable diseases, whether they will graduate before you go bankrupt,…
There are many more concerns of the average family these days
One reason why I dont really watch the news- if something is an emergency that I need to know about- I assume I will be told-
but I don’t want to know about the latest disaster before I have had my morning coffee-
I chilled out really fast when I had kids- Myabe it was because my oldest wasn’t supposed to survive. ( she was born 10 weeks early- had multiple transfusions before they tested blood supply- had emergency abdominal surgery for what they thought was an inoperatable condition) after that- everything was cake
Not that I recommend that people being put in the position of thinking their children are going to die in 24 hours, but like Steve Jobs said, “live each day as it were your last, because some day you will be right”.
I don’t want to spend my last day worrying</p>
<p>yes i’ll go ahead and say there are many like myself whose parents could care less what they do and take initiative on our own. society seems to forget…or maybe just CC does since it’s full of students that were molded to be the brightest and best by their parents. </p>
<p>i’ll probably do that to my kids too…oh well.</p>
<p>“Relationship problems haven’t gone away; their nature has dramatically shifted and the severity escalated. Colleges report ever more cases of obsessive pursuit, otherwise known as stalking, leading to violence, even death.”</p>
<p>I’ve seen this with my daughter’s relationships. It was very difficult in HS to discourage some boys, once they got infatuated with her. It was very difficult to get away from them, as they could always get through to her with cell phone messages, IM’s, Myspace posts, etc… And even when she tried to block them or change her phone numbers and identities, her naive “friends” would always post her new contact info online. It was a nightmare.</p>
<p>But this is only fueled by the media - look at all the movies that are rated highly, but are really stalker movies: The Graduate, Mrs. Doubtfire, Tootsie… The media message is "Don’t give up, until you get what you want. "</p>
<p>ITA anymom
so many movies that are “romantic” but really about someone who won’t take no for an answer. IT probably does contribute to some guys( and girls), thinking that " maybe means yes & no means maybe.
Its especially problematic when we raise our kids to be “nice”, and that may contribute to some people really misinterpreting a response that was meant to “let them down easy”
Perhaps we should teach our kids to say " F** NO!" and laugh hysterically.</p>
<p>I like John Cusack, but I never understood why Lloyd Dobler was a romantic hero.
Why is obsession with somone, despite rejection, supposed to represent “true love”?
:::::::::::::shudder::::::::::</p>
<p>It is a bit of doting, and it is a bit of fear of our children</p>
<p>There is a thread going about how “normal” it is for kids to be rude, mean, nasty and selfish when they are headed off to college, and that we parents should just suck it up and let them act that way cause they are “stressed”</p>
<p>And that is coming from the KIDS, oh, I am stressed, and want to just hang out with my friends…me wanting to just play, and want the adult freedoms without really acting like an adult…;.and that attitude carries on through school</p>
<p>By the way, momma’s boys have been around FOREVER, and women have been warned to not marry one…that relationship goes both ways…</p>