This:
“When people ask why women wait to report sexual assault, that’s why. Because instead of believing them, you question their motives. Stop pretending there’s an optimal time to go public with these kinds of allegations. It’s not like if you do it within the first 24 hours, you get a parade and an iTunes gift card.” - Seth Meyers (during the Cosby trial)
Ironically, at my age I’m not afraid of any repercussions by calling out some man. Of course, at my age, I’m not likely to be hassled. Too bad we’re hassled when we’re young and scared.
It saddens me that more men don’t feel comfortable to speak up about this. There are surprisingly large numbers of military men who are raped in Afghanistan, many of whom don’t tell anybody. You wonder where the high numbers of military suicides stem from, and there’s one answer.
My best friend was sexually abused by his boy scout troop leader as a kid. He didn’t say anything at the time because he really didn’t know anything was wrong. He stayed silent later on because he didn’t think it would make a difference if he spoke up.
He talks about it now sometimes but still doesn’t speak freely. He has been told by other men to just get over it. So he stays quiet.
^^I’m sorry about your best friend, romani. I think, for the most part, it is much more difficult for men to be open about this, particularly to other men.
There has always been a stigma for sexual abuse/assault. It is getting a bit better but I think still exists and more so for male victims than female victims.
Here’s some stats from the Department of Defense regarding male survivors that is sobering:
https://www.defense.gov/News/Article/Article/604140/
Jim Hopper, a psychologist and researcher, and Russell Strand, a retired Criminal Investigative Service special agent, spoke about an aspect of sexual violence not often discussed: sexual assaults on men.
The number of males sexually assaulted in the military is sobering, the experts said.
“[About] 10,800 men are sexually assaulted every year in the military,” Strand said. “[Roughly] 8,000 women are assaulted.”
Few military males report being victims of sexual assault, he said. Only 1,134 men reported attacks – roughly 13 percent of those attacked. With women, 39 percent reported attacks.
So about 87 percent of men attacked are not reporting it and “these are real men in real pain,” Hopper said. The pain is compounded by shame. Being sexually assaulted brings additional feelings of shame to a man because it works against the ideal of what it means to be a man, he said.
And it brings fear. “There’s fear of those memories, there’s fear of being violated, there’s fear that someone might know what happened to them,” Hopper said.
Men who have been sexually assaulted believe they are not worthy of respect, Strand said.
The men who are assaulted are overwhelmingly heterosexual and so are their assailants, the officials said.
“Most people who sexually assault adult men are heterosexuals,” Hopper said. “And those same heterosexual men who are assaulting men are often the same men assaulting women.”
Fear of Being Ostracized
Many males won’t get help, he said, because they feel they won’t be believed, understood or supported.
“Part of that is they know most people don’t expect men to be assaulted, that this can’t really happen to ‘a real man,’” Hopper said.
They are also afraid of their friends or teammates finding out what happened to them, he said. They believe they will be looked at as less than a man, that they will be ostracized and shunned. And, many victims see the assault as the death-knell to their careers."
Interesting. Puts the lie to the idea that these rapes are about sex rather than power, domination and humiliation.
I disagree. In some situations, it is about sex. For example, in prison and in some countries where the military is deployed, it’s about what is available. There are very few women available, so you attack the only people available…men.
You have every segment of society, sadly, deployed in these bases, both military and civilian contractors. Many young men. Very few women (and you’re not going to get to know Afghan women).
It’s about using sex to get power over others. No one rapes just because they are desperate for sex and can’t get it elsewhere.
Sex is a tool and a weapon for those raping, even in prisons and other places.
Then why is the raping of men especially common in Afghanistan? Why wouldn’t men be attacked in equal numbers at military bases throughout the world if it was just a tool and a weapon? There is obviously an unethical, cruel component to someone’s personality who would allow them to do that, but the thought that’s it’s not related at all to sex, I think is wrong.
I have talked to a number of people deployed over there, and it’s a huge problem. People aren’t just raping people they know, but random people where there is opportunity. You have a large number of young men, bored, nothing to do, high testosterone, few women to date, and that’s a definite part of it.
They have few women to date or few women to rape? They have intertwined sex with power and dominance. Sure, sex is related. But if it’s someone capable of rape, then what you are seeing is what happens when their available pool of victims changes.
Why is it more common in Afghanistan than elsewhere? Maybe because the perpetrators frustration and own feelings of powerless are greater there while their preferred pool of victims is smaller. Maybe because they feel for some reason that they can get away with more there.
Maybe few women to date or rape.
I completely agree with your thoughts.
It blows my mind that there is so much misplaced focus and attention on NFL players kneeling and being criticized for disrespecting our military (which it has nothing to do with) when we have very real, serious issues of sexual assault and harassment against our soldiers. How about focusing on and dealing with that? The fact that those giving their service to our country have to face such things as this among other issues (PTSD, high suicide rates, poor vet care), should be getting the attention if we as a country care about our service members.
When sex is unavailable I am pretty sure there is another option for emotionally healthy men to engage in. I agree sexual assault is about power.
Well now, one would think that. However, the key words there are, “emotionally healthy”. And if you have every segment of society represented, you have the best and worst of what is within people. Stuck for long periods of time away from family, little to do, frustration and rage. Not everyone is emotionally healthy before they get deployed, add the rest of it, and things get ugly. The suicide rate is infinitely depressing.
The option is there for all men without regard to their emotional status, and the objective can be met quite easily if that’s all they were looking for. People don’t usually take the long way around things unless there is a reason to do so. For those who assault my conclusion is that that are looking for something beyond the gratification that the sexual encounter might bring them physically.
I have no doubt that there is something beyond sex that goes with it. However, I disagree with the premise that some have, that it has nothing to sex, otherwise you’d see these kinds of crimes against men being committed with the same regularity everywhere.
But I think we’re talking in circles. Doschicos post #172 really says it all.
I don’t know what’s going on with rape and military personnel in Afghanistan, but I do know that Afghanistan has a open attitude about homosexual sex acts among males - when it involves older men exploiting/abusing young males. Are the rapes that happened to military personnel committed by American personnel who preyed on their fellow Americans? Or possibly by Afghans working alongside Americans?
I do think that it most likely has to do with the lack of women to date rather than the “Bacha Bazi” (boy play) culture, but it is a strange coincidence.
I believe it is mostly Army enlisted and possibly contractors. So it would be younger people.
I just saw doschico’s post from earlier this morning after I wrote #177. After reading it, I just don’t know what to think. It’s a very troubling situation.