Are you a part of this?

Parent Cafe
141

@techmom99 - yeah. Kudos for not being grossed out!

One college prof I knew told a story how her colleague was once approached by a flasher. As this was happening in a wooded area there were some branches on the ground. The woman quickly grabbed a long, sturdy twig and whacked the dude. He was startled, retreated and began to ran, and as his pants were unzipped, they fell down. The woman chased after him giving him a few good whacks on the exposed rear end as he was desperately trying to pull his pants up.

142

I don’t feel bad, but it was a big wakeup call in how to be an eyewitness.

143

I am very fortunate that my “Me too” moments are all relatively tame. But they were unacceptable, just the same. My older and wiser self would have reacted differently, I suppose, but I also think my older and wiser self is a woman who carries herself in a manner that would let the men I encountered yesterday know they couldn’t say what they said to the me of yesterday. If that makes sense. But it does not mean I blame myself for what was said to me, or excuse the men who said what they said. Those guys were wrong to say what was said … some so out of line that the idea that I should excuse the initial verbal misconduct as long as they don’t do it again if I tell them to stop is ludicrous … no one should ever say the things that were said to me, and there is no mulligan on some things.

I have numerous friends who were molested by relatives and men in trusted positions. I am thinking of incidents that occurred in K-12. We all knew, and no one ever said anything at the time. I made sure my kids knew to tell, rather than to keep secrets.

144

I don’t think saying “Me, too” means you’re a victim necessarily. It just means some jerk treated you in a sexually disrespectful manner, as if you were an object set out for their appraisal. And this happens to women all the time, far more often than it happens to men. And they get away with continuing their behavior because we take it for granted that it’s normal. But normal isn’t always right or good.

You don’t have to regard yourself as a victim or be traumatized by it to stand up against it. That’s what the “Me,too” campaign is about, IMO.

145

Me too. But, I spoke up to a new higher-up boss and the guy was fired.

146

My work me too was my boss in my first job out of college.

Not knowing what the reaction would be, I lined up another job offer before I reported the harrassment to the (female) VP. He was walked out the door. I stayed.

Years later a peer said that he didn’t believe that I had been harrassed because he hadn’t seen it. As if our married boss would have made passes at me in public.

147

Me, too and me, too and me, too.

I don’t believe that adding my name to the chorus of women speaking out means I consider myself a “victim,” just that I’m acknowledging that in my life there have been times when men abused their power or status or my vulnerability to act in ways that were inappropriate and/or illegal.

148

“But normal isn’t always right or good.”

Right. Tooth decay is normal. It’s also horrible. We can all agree that we should work to prevent and cure it, even though it is normal.

149

Me too. Too many times to remember. And 2 of my Ds --one quit a job because creepy manager harassed her–saying inappropriate things. She was also harassed by professors. Another D and her friend were flashed while walking her friend’s dog. They went to the friend’s home, reported it immediately. Recently, on the same trail, very close to where the flashing occurred, a woman was grabbed. She happened to be a kickbox instructor–gave the guy a good one where it hurt the most.

150

I don’t know any woman who isn’t “part of this” whether she wants to be or not.

151

This was not my worst “Me too” experience, but it was one of the more noteworthy ones, that proved that looks, age, clothes, etc, have nothing to do with getting harassed.

One of my first jobs out of college was a landscape maintenance supervisor in a large city. My company did landscape maintenance (mowing, edging, weed-whacking, etc.) on large commercial properties. I was the young female supervisor for a crew of Hispanic males. My uniform was like a stereotypical “mechanic” uniform - like this only brown:

https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-4694708-stock-footage-portrait-of-three-auto-mechanics-in-shop.html?src=rel/22402882:8/gg

Several times while I was out slaving and sweating like a pig in the 90 degree heat in my very unsexy mechanic uniform, guys would drive by and whistle and yell at me. I was really perplexed, because I’d never gotten that type of attention when I was dressed nicely, clean, and not dripping sweat.

The guys on my crew were great though - I think they respected me for being out there doing that awful work with them, and they were never anything but polite and helpful around me. I think that if anyone would have ever made any real advances on me, they would have had my back.

I did have a young man do something while I was working that summer that I’ll always remember - with fondness. I was mowing the grass in a large office complex, and a young man came out of one of the buildings and brought me a cold coke. He didn’t hit on me or anything, he just gave it to me and said “You look like you might need this” and then went back inside.

Back to the looks and age thing - when I was a young child, me, my Dad, and my grandmother went to a drug store. My Dad and I went inside, while my grandmother stayed in the car. I have to say that my grandma was old, and she was definitely not attractive (bless her heart) - she lost all her teeth before I was born and would never wear dentures. So picture that, and then some guy pulling up beside her and exposing himself.

And my Mother, who is now almost 80, has a neighbor that lives across the street from her in the country. Many times when she goes outside to sit on her front screened porch (probably not wearing her dentures either), her neighbor will come outside to his front yard, walk as close to the street as he can get, and then pull out his thing and pee in front of her. She won’t report him because she’s afraid he’ll do something worse to her if she does. My brother thinks it’s funny.

What is wrong with these perverts, and why do some men think this behavior is OK?

152

I love stories of women fighting back, with a big stick or just their wits. One woman told me she was confronted with a masturbator on a deserted street. Her response: she looked at him, laughed and said something to the effect of “is this all you’ve got to show for yourself? I’ve seen so much better”. She told me there was near instant shrinkage.

153

I’m thankful that i just cant think of anything that i would say affected me, or makes me feel assaulted.

A few minor things come to mind: as a young kid in the 70s when streaking was popular, my bro and his friend made me streak… . . a date in college was too amorous and I had to be firm - and that worked … and a kid I had a crush on in high school used that to his benefit, but i was a willing participant. (do you, too, remember how you used to think that if a guy made out with you, he liked you?? I feel so cynical about that all now . . . ) At my first real job i was on a construction site with heels and hose, and this really old little man came up and kissed my cheek (but in no way did i feel assaulted or threatened).

going to talk to my oldest daughter; maybe my friends though. Hugs to you all who have been victims.

154

@LeastComplicated regarding Post #150 –

These people who expose themselves genuinely have some sort of mental disorder. It’s not the typical “I want sex” or “I’m going to demonstrate my power over you”; it’s “I have to show my penis to some unsuspecting woman 'cause it gets me worked up.” Nothing more, nothing less.

It happened to me in the subway once. I was skeeved out and moved far, far away from the guy.

On another note: Meet the Press this Sunday is having some female Senators on the show to discuss their “Me Too” moments. I think it should be very interesting to see how these powerful women still have to deal with this nonsense.

155

@VeryHappy My Mom’s neighbor has lived across the street from her for about 45 years. My parents used to be good friends with him and his wife. His wife died, then my Dad died ten years ago. It was after they were both alone (and he’s really alone - his kids won’t have anything to do with him) that he started with the pervy stuff. I suspect his isolation and possibly dementia has something to do with his behavior, but my Mom, at almost 80 years old, shouldn’t have to put up with that carp every time she wants to go out to see what’s going on with the world.

I’ll try to catch Meet the Press this weekend.

156

Ah, dementia. That’s a whole other thing.

157

@VeryHappy I agree about the masturbators. I ran across one in between two houses on a snowy day when I was walking home. He had his pants down around his knees and asked me if I would do a sexual act that was…well not the what you’d expect, and at 15 I didn’t realize it was a thing people did. I flipped him off (my default reaction) and he called after me that he could do the same thing to me.

I kept walking, and wondered why he was out (in every way possible) on such a cold snowy day. I didn’t report him to the older woman walking her dog just down the block, and I didn’t tell my parents because I was afraid they wouldn’t let me go walking around by myself (also my default kid reaction, not very smart).

I wasn’t afraid of this character. I just thought he was nuts (OK that’s a tasteless unintentional pun). I didn’t feel degraded or even angry. I thought it was funny, and told my friends.

I certainly should have reported him, but if I did, I don’t think I’d get the eye rolling reaction that reporting sexual harassment garners. Everybody seems to agree that perverts like that should be arrested.

158

As OP, the reason I started this thread is because I became aware of the whole thing because of my oldest D.She
We posted “Me Too”on her FB status and I googled what it meant. Then I made it my Facebook status.

In my first experience, I was as a elementary school student playing with a friend at a local golf course. A man in an empty building on the GC grounds approached us and asked if we would watch out as he went to the “bathroom.” He was an adult asking kids to help him.Then he asked if one of us could bring him some leaves to wipe himself. My friend and I did paper, rock scissors and I lost. You know what I got to see.

Next was my high school guidance counselor. I was his TA. I had a crush on him. He must have picked up on this. One Saturday, giving me “extra” help on learning to drivie, he held my hand and told me how he felt for me and wanted to take me into the city( NYC) for fun. But I “neeed to know” he expected more than hand holding. I stopped being his TA.

After that it was a married grad school prof, a married boss and after that a married hairdresser. All groping and/ or suggesting sex.

Never mind the constant harressment from people on the street.

It’s so prevalent, very noted by this thread, that IT NEEDS TO STOP. We,as people who have experienced these experiences need to make women, and men,who have experienced this feel free to speak out. Look at all the famous women who experienced Weinstein’s harassment who did not speak out. They were afraid. But if we are afraid, it will continue.

159

Me too.

160

As this is a college site, it brings to mind the time I was staying at the youth hostel near U of Hawaii Manoa. The campus is beautiful, and filled with interesting plants and landscaping. Or was 40 years ago…A fellow youth hosteler and I got to talking and spent the evening walking the campus, as his physical advances got more and more intrusive. It was all I could do to escape his groping hands in many isolated corners and get back to that youth hostel.

My me toos are all of this sort, advances that required a degree of sidling away to escape as an outright “no” was ignored.