As this thread shows, there are as many approaches as there are parents and kids. It seems to depend on your own finances, your expectations for what they should be paying/earning/learning, you relationship with your kid, their spending habits, where they go to school, what kind of expenses are covered by the tuition/room/board guidelines from the school, special needs/circumstances. There’s no right answer here.
We had two kids and we did it differently with each of them and they both handled the money appropriately, with the occasional need for discussion and boundary setting, and have made it into self-sufficient adulthood. You may have to experiment a bit to find the right formula for your situation(s). As long as the financial conversation is on-going and handled respectfully on both sides, it shouldn’t turn into a major headache, even if the initial arrangement doesn’t prove to be the right one. Adjusting as you go is okay too.
My kids were allowed to keep the money they earned in their own bank accounts and to use it for personal expenses, coffee shops, entertainment, etc. I paid all of the necessities (with the help of their federal loans). I warned them that if they ran out of spending money before the end of the school year, that was their problem, not mine. I believe that helped them learn the value of a dollar - because their discretionary spending was coming out of money they earned. They also had to decide whether a fraternity or sorority was worth it, using their own earnings. (I did provide a subsidy to their dues because the fraternity and sorority housing was cheaper than alternatives and because Greek membership did reduce some food expenses).
During college, they never had to come begging for cash from me, and they never tried to waste money on expensive trips.
Each kid did have a credit card of mine, but they were only supposed to use it for necessities and emergencies. Discretionary expenses (including off-campus restaurant meals when they were on a full meal plan) were supposed to come out of their debit cards. That approach also helped spur them to use the meal plan as much as they could tolerate.
When they had summer jobs in high school, my rule was they could only spend half of their earnings, with the other half saved for later expenses during college.
The agreement for us (and ‘agreement’ is a polite way of saying I dictated the order) was for me to pay the tuition bills and them to pay everything else, including books. It hasn’t worked out that way exactly because one child has tuition and R&B fully covered through scholarships and grants while the other is about half covered. I did buy the books for the fully covered student last year (and I still hear that things ‘aren’t fair!!!’). They no longer get an allowance, but do get care packages with money sometimes from me, and their uncle sends them money a few times a year. If they visit a grandparent, they might get some money. If they need it for something special (club sports, new cleats) they can ask but so far haven’t needed to.
I think college kids are like jello and will fit the mold you put them in. If you give them more money, they will spend it. If you don’t, they’ll survive. If they want something enough, they’ll work for it.
SouthernHope, if your daughter has some cash savings to start, I wouldn’t worry about it. Talk to her after a month or two and see how she’s managing. You can always make adjustments. I think if you give her $20/wk she’ll spend it and not know where it went. If she’s got some flex dollars on her meal plan, I think she’ll learn to use those wisely for a smoothie or coffee rather than just going to the Starbucks and paying cash because it is more convenient.
I bet a lot depends on what the parent had herself or himself. I know in the mid 80’s I got an allowance of $100/ month. I didn’t really use it for much beyond once-a-week pizza with friends, subway fare downtown, and maybe the extra bottle of shampoo or what-not. My husband had something similar. So I guess for us it felt natural to give an allowance that would enable them not to miss out on casual dinners with friends, etc. but I never once worried they’d be blowing it on junk. Both of mine are naturally frugal and saved whatever was left over. It might be different if I had kids with different personalities.
I thought we were being cheap by giving D $300 a month. She works full time all summer at a sleep-away camp, but the pay is terrible. Yes, she could get a better paying job but this is a great experience and she has a whole lifetime to work.
We don’t give an allowance, instead, our kids contribute 1/2 their income (summer jobs or on campus jobs) to put towards tuition and the rest is theirs to spend (or save) as they please. This is still quite generous since the only thing they are responsible for is entertainment (pizza or movie with friends etc) and maybe the occasional incidental such as a bottle of shampoo if they run out. But they can avoid those incidentals by “shopping” in our pantry before returning to school. (We live close, so they can “shop” our pantry regularly.)
And, no, we make no demands on how much they must earn, only that 1/2 of it is their contribution to their education.
Freshman year- I paid all books and school supplies and put $500 in his account for spending money for one semester. He spent $300 of the $500 for snacks and Chipotle (mostly). This year, as a Sophomore, I will once again pay for books and school supplies but spending money comes from his savings and work study. He doesn’t party or shop for clothes so he’s pretty thrifty.
I made my DD, who will be a senior, pay for all her extras starting her Sophomore year (I still paid for books and supplies) after she abused the $2000 I gave her for extras for the entire year. She got a job working as a swim instructor and washing dishes on campus and enjoys the freedom that comes with deciding how to spend her money without Mom getting on her case.
I think there are a lot of “right” ways to play this one.
^^ and no wrong way to do it. Any way you do it can be changed too.
We’ve been giving our kids $200/mon allowance since high school. They used it to go out on weekends and buying birthday presents for friends and family. D2 asked for a raise when she started college (COLA) to $250. Both of our kids worked while in college, making around $200-$300/mon. They used it for dinners out, parties, personal grooming, etc. They had friends with unlimited fund, and friends with tighter budget. You do what’s appropriate for your kid. If your kid doesn’t go out for sushi regularly with friends, then there is no need to change his life style just because he is off to school. They will find friends with similar spend pattern.
My kids are not fast food people. They like to go to nice places to eat. While in school, they found people who would go to nice places sometimes and not complain about the cost. At the same time, they are not the type to pay few hundred $$ for bottle service when they are in NYC, so they would decline those invites, unless they were comped.
I don’t expect to give D any allowance. She will pay for all her entertainment and incidental expenses out of the money she makes and saves over the summer.
I gave my son an allowance of $200 in HS. I asked him to make a list of what he expected to need, which came to $150. I raised it, as it was likely he would do at least one activity a weekend, like bowling, movie, and eating out. He bought friends’ gifts from that. I guess I sound like Oldfort.
In son’s first semester at college, he asked for a job in their coffee house. I had to give my permission. Son made it clear he wanted this job for social reasons. He had a research job that summer and each summer after. When I asked him about $, I wasn’t thrilled to hear he was playing poker on-line. So, other than first year, he needed nothing from me. I also told him he could buy clothes on my card. Again, my thrifty son borrowed shoes for interviews in his early years.
I am a believer in having him as a secondary to my credit card. His meal plan did not cover weekends, so I could see where the money went. He could use this card for travel, medicine, a new computer (though the Apple Store called me for approval). On occasion, I would encourage him to celebrate with a good dinner, charged on my card.
The most important aspect is to know your child. Mine was use to an allowance and at least in college, was thrifty. I’ve met many kids whose parents put $1000 into their bank account, and they spent that in weeks. They ate out most meals, rather than purchase books. Honest and open communication is just so important.
There is no right or wrong answer to this question. This is a family decision. Do,what works for your family, and your student.
We will give our daughter $25.00 per week for freshman year. We live overseas where she could not work regularly (though did a number of paid music gigs during the past two years and saved most of the earnings), not here in the US long enough this summer before school starts to have a job, and she is having minor surgery this week which will put her out for a week or so. She has contributed all savings from gifts and gigs to buy her computer, budget for her monthly cell phone payments, and a few other expenses. She earned a full tuition scholarship and a number of outside scholarships that have covered fees, books, and a bit of her room and board. I doubt that she will spend the entire allowance. She is “cheaper” than I am!
Yes there is no one right way way. It is going to be different based on each family’s resources, kid’s temperament for spending and saving and a parent’s philosophy. But I think seeing all the different ways people handle it will be helpful to the OP and to others who may view this thread.
We will give S1 an allowance freshman year: $200/mo.
My son and I talked about what an amazing opportunity it was to attend college. I reminded him that he could do things there that he couldn’t do anyplace else, and that he should make the most of every minute. He wants to work, but I’ve seen his schedule,and I’d feel better if he slept a little more, or had less schedule pressure. Our budget last year was $75/wk, which was a little too generous. We’ll keep the same agreement this year, and see how things go.
I pay for D’s tuition, R&B (full meal plan), books, phone, car, insurance and a few other items. I send her off with a stash of snacks and toiletries at the beginning of each semester. I also buy her some clothes. She’s responsible for gas, additional clothes, cosmetics, replacing toiletries, entertainment, food off the meal plan, and incidentals. Last summer’s earnings yielded $100 a week in spending money during school. She hasn’t earned as much this summer so I expect her budget to be @$50-$75 a week this year. I’ll give her an allowance at some point if internships or summer school limit her ability to work and save over the summer.
Both of my kids learned to budget with their allowance. They never asked me for additional money, and I wouldn’t give it. Some parents replenish when their kid’s acct runs low. I like to give my kid a set amount and let them worry about how much they could spend on their wants. I actually did some comparison on what I used to spend on their behalf (parties, dinners, presents) vs giving them an allowance. I found out I came out of ahead by giving them an allowance and they felt empowered in making choices. They learned to forego a night out with friends if they needed to buy a birthday present or getting a new color lipstick.
Agree with those who point out this will be different for each family. FWIW, DS is not getting an allowance. That said, his tuition is covered by scholarship & he also has freshman year scholarships toward room, board & books. He has a decent meal plan (10 all-you-can-eat meals/week + 400 “points” per semester), and his housing contract includes sufficient laundry credit. The small 529 I scraped together along with a few months of GI bill from his dad should cover the bulk of his remaining undergrad housing & fees. I’ve set him up with laundry supplies, new shoes/socks/etc, a laptop, and basic dorm & school supplies out of my pocket. I will also kick in on his travel home between semesters and for summer (school is 897 miles away). He is also headed off with a decent amount of cash from graduation gifts & misc $500 scholarships (school stacks outside awards).
I’m so grateful to be able to position him to start there, but really - the rest is on him. DS knows he will need to work a few hours/week for other “wants” and to build a savings account for his 5th year (accelerated BS/MS program). He’s a frugal kid, so I think it will work out. If he listens to me (ha ha) we’ll communicate and adjust as we go along.