I negotiated last year with ex on college costs, health insurance etc. Most importantly I wanted to end paying him support. ( Yes I am a woman…laws are gender neutral.) He could not get passed the fact that he still had to pay child support in our state until the kids were out of college or until 23 whatever came first, even though he gave up spousal support forever and I pay for school. So we settled that I would divide the child support and deposit it into their accounts each month. Its about $70 a week each, plenty for a college student, (Too much) BUT they pay for everything themselves beyond tuition and R &B. Works well. I am not nickeled and dimed to death. They hunt for the best deals on textbooks. I don’t buy them clothes or shoes anymore. They pay for their hair appointments, cosmetics, etc. They both worked this summer because as they learned …life is expensive and so are those concert tickets! In my next life I want to come back as my own kids.
My sons don’t get allowances, but they have credit cards, and I pay for most of what they charge. However, they know if I see a charge I don’t like, it comes out of their account. Both my kids are pretty frugal, and as of now, neither spends much on drinking. One has developed a sushi habit, so maybe once a month, or less, he will spend $35 on sushi. But he lives off campus and his total food bill is much cheaper than the meal plan was. The other one gets his hair cut once a month. Occasionally they buy video games. If it’s 10 or 20 bucks, I may pay, but If its 60, I will likely charge them, depending on what they’ve spent recently. I pay for all of their food, toiletries, etc. If there’s a special occasion that’s expensive, I will likely pay for that. one son spent $100 on a Halloween costume, I didn’t pay for that. One son went to CA for spring break, I didn’t pay for that. Bottom line, I pay most reasonable expenses, but they don’t take advantage of it.
Can one of you who give their kids $200-$250/month adopt me? 
In my case, yes. My parents pay for tuition, R&B, books, fees, and Christmas and summer travel. I pay for supplies, clothes (although they have been known to pay for BTS clothes), food outside of the board contract, entertainment, Spring break/Thanksgiving travel, gifts, phone, misc. I do have a credit card linked to theirs for emergencies, but will expect a call if it’s used. My mom has been known to include some money in a care package and my dad and grandparents usually slip me some $$ when I’m home.
This works for us; obviously every family needs to decide what works for them.
No allowance here. Both of my kids work over the summer and typically make about 3000/ summer. My son who will be a freshman also got lots of money (almost $3000) at his grad party but he has decided he is only putting 2000 in his account that he will have access to at school. My daughter who will be a junior has a 10-12 hour a week job on campus. Their grandmother also gives them the occasion $100.
My kids knew going in that books and spending money were on them. Also if they took a summer internship where they couldn’t live at home, they had to pay their own living expenses, although I did give them something for food those summers, since they weren’t home hitting my grocery bill. Both have made it work. Both worked the summer before college, and had savings from gifts from grandparents over the years and from graduation. One got a job on campus, and ended up with a tidy sum in the bank when she graduated. The other has made some money in her summer research jobs. I cover tuition, room & board, fees, and plane tickets.
We have told our S who is starting in a few weeks, that we will pay for tuition, R&B, books, fees, and anything school related, including clothes within reason to outfit him (CA boy going to Northeast). However, any spending money for “fun” is on him via summer or in-school earnings. He started out by getting his first job back in April, but had quit by the end of June (foodservice back of the house too much for him). We lamented he would not have enough spending money, as he only saved about $1000. Without our prodding, he applied for a job on-campus that relates to his major, and is something he did for free as part of leadership for 4 years of high school. It’s a perfect fit, an upperclassman in his program has already recommended him for the job after seeing his background, so if he gets it he’s golden. It’s amazing what you can do before even showing up with a Facebook group for your major!!!
We do not give an allowance. DD is thrifty by nature and uses her summer job money for spending during the year. I do start her stocked up on all toiletries/ laundry soap and she can grab anything from home on her many visits so she doesn’t need to buy anything.
I give credit card to my son and daughter for online purchases. But for purchases over $100, they need my pre-authorization. We never set a fixed allownce. Honestly, I don’t know how much I spend on each child per semester. Son got $5,000 from his grandparents lump sum as a gift for starting college this fall. Daughter got the same deal a couple years ago. But I feel bad if I used that as an excuse to give them less allowance. To my relief, both kids are quite responsible with money.
When he got off the meal plan we gave him $50 per week for food, but he has to earn pocket money from his campus job and summer job.
No allowance from me either. I pay all the bills and purchase anything necessary for my D in college. She got a summer job and is tutoring 4 high school students. That would be for her own expenses.
I was thinking of giving my D 25 a week.
I don’t expect her to spend any of it, honestly, though she might, since she will be in a different situation and place…
If she does, and she needs a little more, we’ll talk…
We have been giving her an allowance all through high school** - started at 10 a week, then went to 15 sophomore year, then last year, I upped it to 20. She buys her own souvenirs on vacation and buys her own clothes (she mostly buys used, so they’re cheaper…) and sometime buys herself some cosmetic things. Other than that, and the very rare ice cream or latte, or cinema movie, she hoards her cash. (Which I’m fine with!) She’s always been pretty frugal and doesn’t seem to need much.
My thinking is, if she is living in a residence hall, and food is taken care of, and cosmetics and toiletries are purchased before moving in, then all that’'s needed is maybe replenishing those toiletries at the drugstore or Target when she runs out; the occasional coffee, movie, meal out, thrift store spree… But keep in mind that on many campuses, there are cheap movies every weekend, and free planned social activities…
One thing I am considering, though - upping the allowance to 200 or so a month, and making her pay for her own phone plan. She seriously uses her phone too much, imo (I know, what young person doesn’t??) and I wouldn’t mind her realizing that unlimited text and data is not cheap. And maybe she’d be forced to sign up for a plan that uses less…
Still thinking about this…
Btw, I’d really like her to get a job over winter breaks and summers, but I don’t want her working during the school year, unless she can find something less than 15 hours a week.
**Actually, we’ve given her allowance she was 5. We gave her 2 dollars a week at first, then three, then 5, then 7… until 8th grade and freshman year, she got ten, and so on, and after 8th grade is when she started saving it more… She’s always managed her money well, and she doesn’t ask for much. She also paid for her own prom expenses recently, so it was good she had all that money saved up.
If my parents gave me an allowance I would be using all the extras on alcohol every week. That sounds like the easiest booze money ever.
It’s all about choices in life. Better for them to figure it out in college.
When you give them an allowance they will spend it.
If I gave my kids money, I would expect an accounting of how it was spent…because it’s MY money. And if this is how it got spent…the allowance would be cut off immediately.
“When you give them an allowance they will spend it.”
Mine didn’t. And honestly we would encourage them to spend it and have some fun.
Re the poster whose parent gave kid $5000 - in our house, the unspoken norm would be that a gift like that goes into kid’s Fidelity account, not used.
I did not give my D any money her freshman year - she used summer savings and worked spring semester. She had use of my credit card for drugstore items and emergencies only. She had to call before using it. She did not have a car freshman year. She has a scholarship that pays full tuition, but not room and board.
Sophomore year she took her car. Her on-campus apartment did not require a meal plan, though we bought her some debit money for dining services. We also gave her $100 month for groceries. She worked about 15 hours a week and paid her own gas and entertainment.
This year (Junior) she landed an RA job which covers her room and board (worth about $11,500), but the RA position does not pay any cash. She will have to cut her hours at her “paying” job drastically (she wants to continue working some because she likes the job). We are planning to give her roughly what we gave her last year for food to supplement her spending and gas money.
We offered to give her more this year since the RA job is saving us a lot, but she doesn’t feel she needs it. She’s asked if we’ll put some in an account to be used for starting out after graduation. We’ve agreed that that’s a wise plan.
I also recently spent a fairly sizable amount on professional clothing for her, since she’ll be applying to co-ops and her school is sending her to two conferences this year. And I found her a really good pair of snow boots on sale! I don’t normally buy her clothing, unless it’s a birthday or Christmas present.
That must be why you see the students collecting receipts off the floor at Whole Foods…“I was hungry, Ma…”
Well, this is where doing what works for your family and knowing your kids comes in to play. Many have mentioned having kids that are frugal and reasonable in their spending habits (and I am happy to say I can say the same thing). For these kids, it works…
There is something to be said, though, for the kids having some autonomy in how they spend “their” money (whether it’s money they’ve earned or an allowance). It helps them learn to prioritize how and what they spend their money on (and helps them learn to save up for bigger goals). It also gives them some independence from their parents. I don’t want my kids to have to come to me for money each time they want to see a movie or go out for pizza with their friends.
No, when I give my kids allowance, it is their money to spend. That’s the whole point of having an allowance. They do not need my approval on how to spend the money. I also do not believe kids will spend all they are given. Part of the education in giving them an allowance is to teach them to allocate money, just like adults would.
When you give it, it is no longer yours.