In today’s WJS there was an article about the difficulty of passing down shared control of a business that said in part
Only about a quarter of Americans say they are very or extremely close to a cousin, and today cousins tend to live far apart. Family size is declining, which means people have fewer cousins. Research suggests cousin relationships are often built at large family gatherings—weddings, holidays, reunions—and as older generations disappear, so can those regular meetups. https://www.wsj.com/personal-finance/cousin-problem-family-estate-assets-266b30e4
Ignoring the main point of the article about sharing a family business, I’m wondering what people on CC would say about their cousins. I only have 2 1st cousins who live on the other side of the country and I’ve never met them. I have perhaps 10 2nd cousins but I only met most a handful of times if that growing up and some I only found when building a family tree. So we have a genetic and paper connection but they aren’t people I’d consider “family”.
I’m curious about other people. Do you have cousins you consider close how often do you talk or meet? I imagine there may be some interesting stories out there.
We live far from each other so its hard to be close literally or figuratively. One cousin has been a challenge much of her life, so I am actually closer to her daughter than she is, which is sad. But said cousin has actually been making some efforts to be more friendly and communicative (to me and my H, not her D, sadly).
H is not close to his cousins. We attended two of their weddings 30 years ago and haven’t seen them since. On his dad side, I once met one aunt/uncle. Oh my. We never went back. None of my FIL’s siblings or their kids were invited to our wedding at the request of FIL.
our kids are 10-12 years younger than their cousins on H’s side. They know each other, but definitely not close. On my side, they are all similar in age. They see each other at holidays and are friendly and follow each other on social media, but I wouldn’t call them especially close.
I have no first cousins on my mothers side. I have 17 on my fathers side from South America. I lived there for a year and got close to several of them. Close family, smallish town. I loved it! Now, of course, I rarely see them but we talk on the phone ever so often.
I’m not particularly close to my first cousins, but we have a good time when we get together, usually at funerals these days. I have many cousins – mom was one of 13, dad one of five.
I am close to some cousins with whom I grew up. Our mothers were cousins, and we lived about a mile apart and went to the same schools. The middle girls were twins and in my grade. We had lots of parties, and the oldest girl was in my wedding. I’m godmother to a couple of their kids. We live 3+ hours apart, but when I go home I try to see them and/or their dad.
No but I think it’s from growing up. I was close when young to my dad’s sisters kids. We went to CA from NJ. They actually went to FL. I grab dinner with them when down for work but I no longer go to FL. So it’s just Facebook.
Our family wasn’t close to other relatives growing up - I think, in part, because I didn’t have a mom and they are/were often the connector, especially back in the 70s. I have connected with three on Facebook - one reached out to me and two I reached out to. They are similar in age and I’ve met one for dinner several times (she’s a a Dr in NC and based on her educational pedigree and current role, she’s clearly the brains of the family). There’s another I met once for lunch and we text so that’s nice.
It’s a shame, quite honestly. I don’t know that we would have had similar interests but I’ve always been envious of people with close families.
We all lived far apart – I have 8 first cousins. 2 I never met and 1 we only met twice. 1 was estranged and resurfaced as an adult. The other 4 we knew quite well, saw a couple times a year, and have continued to stay connected. I think our deep affection for all of our parents has been part of how that happened, plus social media is a godsend when you are airplane rides apart.
My kids’ cohort number 8, and they are very very close. I admire their commitment to staying in touch, and supporting each other.
DH has 6 first cousins and is not close to any of them. Never has been. I don’t think we’ve seen any of them in 20+ years.
I have 12 first cousins and I don’t even know how many 2nd cousins (I think technically they are first cousins once removed? - mostly my dad”s first cousins but many of them are within 10 years of my own age but we have always called them 2nd cousins). Although we are pretty far apart from each other now I was very close to about 9 of my first cousins and a number of 2nds growing up as most of us lived within about an hour’s drive and both my parents were close with their siblings (each had 3). Sadly one of my first cousins has passed recently but including her, I remained close to I’d say about 8 of them despite the distance, and have good relationships with the others though we communicate infrequently. Also fairly close to a few 2nd cousins and good/infrequent comms with a number more.
Far too many cousins to divide any business into though, lol.
I spent time with my cousins when I was younger. We weren’t “friends,” but we all got along. It made for fun holiday get togethers on my dad’s side, but those stopped after my grandparents died. I actually see some of these cousins (and my aunt, their mom) a couple times a year now, since one moved about ten minutes from me. We spent time with my mom’s brother & his family until my parents died. We kept our annual holiday get together with them going until my uncle died about 6 years ago.
H has been close with his cousins his whole life. One set of cousins and their kids had a cottage next to my in laws’ cottage (now H & his mom’s cottage). We saw them all the time in the summer until they sold it in 2017. We still see those cousins & the others on his dad’s side from time to time - and we keep in touch with them - but they don’t live close to us. We are very close to the cousins on H’s mom’s side, seeing them a couple times a year & talking to them regularly. They all live pretty far away, but we have been able to see them quite a bit through the years.
My biggest regret about not seeing my one brother who has grandkids is that they will be the only cousins my GD, an only child, will have. I wish she could see them and have some sort of relationship. Unfortunately, their mom is the one who limits the people who are allowed around her kids because one of her children has medical issues … for whatever reason, I didn’t make the cut (she doesn’t even let my brother see me, because he comes to her house every day - I guess I have strong cooties. I’m over it, but I do wish GD could experience some cousin fun).
My mom had one sister. She had 3 kids and we are close. Their family has a house in the mountains and every summer our family (my husband, kids, sister, mom, etc..) would rent a house and we would spend a week with my aunt, uncle, cousins and their kids. My sister and I still go every year and spend a week with 2 of my cousins.
My dad had one brother who had 6 kids. We were very close with them when we were younger. I am still close to 4 of them and see them once or twice a year.
I’m not as close to my cousins as my kids are to theirs. My parents didn’t see their sibs nearly as often as we see my sibs. (When dad was still cooking often, he’s have everyone over for dinner like weekly and we’d all come over with our kids, from the time our kids were pretty little until they went off to college. Several of the cousins are very close in age to my kids, so they’re very lucky.)
We sibs all live on Oahu and my kids come down to visit at least once or twice a year. My kids also see their cousins—some live in LA (where D lives) and others live in NY (where S lives). The cousins often come down for the holidays too & make a point of getting together when they’re all in town. They get together there where they live too. They have a “cousins chat” and exchange messages and info amongst themselves. They’ve arranged a ski trip together and other outings. They get together for meals when any of the aunts or uncles are visiting (which happens a few times/year as well).
I’m glad they are close to their cousins, since we only have two kids and my sibs varying #s of kids (1-4). My kids make a point of attending their cousins’ weddings and get along with their spouses. My brother has one remaining sib, a brother. That brother has one remaining child, a D and she has just had her 2nd D. We aren’t as close to that D and her kids, as they live in SF, but H and I go and visit BIL at least once or twice a year for a week at a time. S and DIL made a point of visiting BIL (S’s uncle) and the cousin and her H and newborn and pre-schooler on his way down to HI for a wedding the other week.
My mom had one sister and one much younger brother. Each of them has one daughter. So, all three of us are only children. I am close to my mom’s sister’s daughter, but not as much to her brother’s daughter. Primarily because of the age difference and geographic distance when growing up.
My dad had one brother but they were not raised together. Each raised by one set of the grandparents after their mother died when they were toddlers. That one brother has two children. I have seen them only once or twice in my life. Couldn’t reach them if I had to. My dad and his brother were not close since they were not raised together.
So, I have a grand total of four first cousins, and I am close to one of them. With no siblings, we are all each other has.
My son has only one first cousin. My husband’s sister’s child. I don’t think I’d call them close. They see each other once or maybe twice a year at family gatherings. I don’t think they communicate beyond that.
Ten first cousins that I actually felt close to and stayed close to into adulthood. That’s out of a potential 20 or so, but my Dad’s family was never as much fun to visit. My Mom’s side was the one that had a working farm. Both had 6 siblings.
My very best (first) cousin on my dad’s side died of cancer just before Christmas 2019. We were very close and had our only children three months apart at almost 40. Her twins and DH’s one nephew are the only cousins our son knows but mostly remotely. Growing up, I knew my cousins on my mom’s side pretty well because we all got together at my grandma’s for dinner every Friday night for years. Once we grew up and I left for school and grandma died, it all fell apart. No one gets together anymore. I do miss those days. So does my mom.
Having grown up in the foreign service I didn’t grow up super close to my cousins. I am closer to my cousins on my mother’s side as we share vacation property and one of them has a shareholder’s meeting once a year so we often overlap that weekend. I see my second cousins on that side of the family because they also go to that meeting and we usually go have drinks or take a walk with them once a summer. I’ve almost completely lost touch with the cousins on my father’s side of the family. I haven’t seen any of them since the 1970s except one who I visited just before the pandemic and I see her posts on Facebook. I don’t even know the last name of one of them, she got married and I think she took her husband’s name.
I have two living first cousins on my mom’s side and four on my dad’s. Although my maternal cousins live 200 miles from me, I see them for the Jewish holidays and occasional other times. I rarely see those on my dad’s side but I enjoy their company when I do.
My 30-y.o. daughter is close to her cousins, the three daughters of my late brother. I am grateful for that as she’s the only child of a single mom.
I’m close to a couple of cousins on one side of the family. Many live far away and we are in touch occasionally --typically through social media or group emails.
I only have 2 first cousins and they are/were 10 and 12 years younger than me, although when they were babies I made clothes for them and sent them things, talked to them on the phone (when it cost money). I’d waited a LONG time for cousins. Sadly, the younger one died in 2018, just 2 months after my father. My uncle lost his only brother and a daughter in a 2 month period.
My kids have 10 in the cousin cohort (although that means 8 cousins for them). Two were born in 1993 and three, including my two, in 1996. Those 5 are very close, but 8 have a ‘cousin’ chat and keep up with each other at least weekly. The girls definitely keep it going and the boys join in occasionally. The two oldest (42 and 40 y.o.) and the two youngest (21 years old) are siblings, and the youngest two actually know the cousins through the cousins chat. It is mostly vacation pics and jokes and dog pictures.
Years ago we were talking about cousins and I said I only had 2 first cousins. A co-worker said “how can that be?” I said only one uncle, 2 kids =2 cousins. She was from a very large family of 10 kids, and both her parents were from huge families and she had 110 first cousins.
My D plays in a weekly online game with her cousin, his wife, and a friend of wife’s from college. She stays in touch my younger brother’s kids and my older sister’s kids. These are the kids closest in age to her and we really made an effort to get them together when they were young. My niece (who is 4 months younger than S) and D and S all went to Taiwan on a summer student tour together. S and D are 2 years and 5 days apart. Another cousin is 2 months older than D. Altogether, my kids have 12 cousins from my 6 siblings and 2 cousins in SF from my BIL’s side. My kids were all raised on Oahu, as were all their cousins. My older sister has had all 3 of her Ds re-settle on Oahu with their kids and spouses. My brother has had 3 of his 4 kids move back as well. My sister’s 3 kids are in LA & NY but I suspect at least 2 of them will move back to Oahu, but not sure about the 3rd one. I’m uncertain what the younger cousins may end up doing as well.