It is the reality of life at this point. Both my Ds met sig others online. I used it back about 10 years ago, and really appreciated meeting interesting men who shared my values. But then I live in an interesting town with well educated people. At a point perhaps I’ll be on there again, as my long term relationship is sort of in decline. The online experience should be perfect for those on CC, who have no problem with extensive online communication! Personally, I liked it better than meeting people in person, as I like to write and deal with the inner person rather than external trappings.
Morrismm, anything to do with dating at a later point in life can be uncomfortable and nerve wracking. Just part of the landscape. But also gratifying, to find commonalities among age mates and companionship at a later point in life. My advice would be to wait a long while before getting into commitment. It takes a while for pathology to emerge, and there are a lot of hurt and less than functional people out there, as well as those who are divorced for some appropriate reasons.
Well, I’m not sure that at 39 I was the kind of “middle aged” you mean, but I found myself surrounded by younger co-workers, my best friend had just moved far away, my boyfriend had literally left town without telling me, and my mother had died. I wanted to meet new people my own age but didn’t want the hassles of dating, so I signed up on the “friends only” part of a then-popular dating site. I looked through some of the profiles and found one belonging to a guy who was also a writer, from a large family and who liked some of the same things I did. He had a funny sense of humor, too, so I hit “reply” and sent a bit about myself. What I didn’t know is that his profile was a year old and he’d forgotten all about it. For some reason, that night he opened my response, left a phone number for me to call, and we met in person a week or two later after many hours of talking. We were married a year later and just celebrated our 16th anniversary. I don’t even remember the name of the site, but I’m glad I found it.
My SIL has been happy with the guys she’s met on a Christian dating site. She is not looking to get married, but is in her mid-50’s and the dates of hers I’ve met have all been nice guys. And a friend of mine in her mid-40’s is now married to a guy she met on Match-so there are plenty of successes among those not so young!
@nottelling H’s sister signed up a little over 2 years ago. She was 58 at the time. She met a very nice widower who is maybe a year older, and they’ve been very happy ever since. He has asked her to marry him, but she’s a little gun-shy because she went thru a nasty divorce about 4 years ago. I think she’ll marry him within 6 months.
The both have grown kids, so they don’t have any issues involved with raising kids in a blended home.
I think one fear is that the person may be lying to you (such as maybe really be still married or something else). I guess that can happen anytime, but maybe the concern is that you’re more vulnerable with online dating? Not sure.
Not for me. I am glad they work for people; it’s just not my thing. I especially can’t stand Tinder - the concept of it is just something I would never want to use for myself.
I have three female relatives who met partners online. One just married hers after dating several years. One will likely be engaged by Thanksgiving or Christmas, I’m guessing.
The other is just happy with this young man. It turns out ironically her dad and his mom worked for the same medical system for decades and know each other.
All 3 of these young couples are very attractive, college grads. One if the males is an engineer, one just graduated from med school.
Online dating sites seem to be growing in popularity and can be another way for people to meet.
The usual caveats about meeting strangers apply, of course. Neither of my kids indicate they’ve tried online dating…yet.
@nottelling – I signed up for Match last year at 52 (but I was 48 online – funny how that works :)). Met some people; went on some dates; had my share of wackos; then I went off Match because my 3 months had expired and I’d met someone through speed dating (which I prefer to online dating – in 5 minutes you get a sense of someone). People can hide a lot of stuff online. I went back on Match a few weeks ago and met someone and now we’re exclusive, so we both canceled our Match subscriptions. If you go on Match, I will PM you what I’ve learned. It’s not for the faint of heart. Good luck to you!
I know many who have met on line (and even some who met in the old newspaper classifieds!) Tinder does NOT count, IMO. Its not “dating”. Its hooking up. Very different.
And as an aside, whether a person is attractive or not is, IMO irrelevant as to whether they meet partners face to face or on line. In fact, very attractive people may not trust the sincerity of some "hitting on "them for their looks.
I know several happy marriages as a result of online dating services. In at least two of those, the individual was dating through conventional means, but not finding the right one.
I still think there is a stigma associated with this means of finding that special someone.
If you don’t belong to a religious organization and you’ve exhausted the possibilities among friends-of-friends and friends-of-coworkers, it may even be the best choice. What’s the alternative? Picking up people in bars?
Even for populations which should, in theory, have plenty of options, online may be the way to go.
My cohort mate is a straight female and asked me about the dating scene here in our college town. I had to admit to her that I knew a grand total of two straight men and one is married. There are clearly straight single guys on campus but not in our circles and she’s not too keen on picking up guys in bars. She will likely look to online dating like many other straight women here. It’s not stigmatized in the least.
Young people have embraced match.com - or at least that is my impression. Love your story @sseamom.
For both men and women, what they present and what they are may be two different things. Some use photos that are as much as decades old!
The speed date is another option to explore.
Just thinking about being more open to meeting single people - even if it is talking to someone in the produce dept or in line somewhere. When you widen your circle…
Sometimes if you improve yourself. Having a relationship is a two way street. The happier you are with yourself. Also look to the patterns of past relationships to see if you are looking for love in all the wrong places…
I met my former spouse through the New York Magazine personals section, back in 1986! Given how the marriage turned out, that might not exactly be a recommendation, but I don’t blame anything on the way we met! Besides, the marriage produced my wonderful son, which makes everything that happened worthwhile.
You said, " signed up for Match last year at 52 (but I was 48 online – funny how that works"
Assuming you are doing the online dating thing to develop a long-term relationship with someone, when do you tell them your true age? Or do you? I’ve always wondered about these things with people because I value honesty very highly (while age wouldn’t be a big deal to me) and I think it would piss me off of a significant other start off their relationship with me with a fib. Perhaps other people don’t care…
My husband and I met on eharmony. I was approx. 45 and he was 49. Obviously, we had a good experience. My coworker also met her husband on eharmony. Everyone I tell this to tells me they know several couples too.
I think lying about age on dating sites (particularly with middle age people) is very common. However, I think it is a negative thing to do. First, it is starting off a potential relationship with dishonesty, which is never a good sign. Second, I think a person should be able to decide what age people they want to connect with and know the correct information and decide for themselves. An excuse may be given that the site member (who lies about their age and makes it younger than the real age) does so to attract more potential matches, but I think the potential match people should be able to discern for themselves if the real age to a particular member on the site is an age they wish to date or not. Otherwise, it is a bait and switch strategy.
It was very disturbing to me to find someone said they were “50” when in fact that was the age they were when they set up their first account…years ago. Some are up to 10 years off. Old outdated pictures too. Yuck.
Trust me, EVERYONE thinks they look/act younger than their age.
I think you’re right. Close friend’s son and his soon-to-be wife met on Tinder but, when asked, say they met through mutual friends.
Again I think you’re right. My daughter has several friends who have graduated with an engineering degree in the last couple years. Most of the men they meet at work are 15+ years older, married/divorced. The girls are starting to show an interest in online dating.
Of my four closest friends, all have young adults (sons and daughters) using dating sites.
Hinge seems to be a newer dating app of interest. Connects with Facebook using just your first name and last initial and profile pictures. It touts a friend of a friend connection or (friend of a friend of a friend) so that it’s a little less random. Less random, more honest. It’s harder to lie about relationship status: if you’re in a relationship on Facebook, that information now shows up on your profile also.
Online dating sites should have the auto-means that add years as the account ages. Someone who is 49 when they created their account 5 years ago should have years added as time goes on.
I don’t like the fact that people can put down any age. Maybe they should be required to upload a pic of their drivers license or something to verify age.
I also wonder when those 'little fibs" come out? On one hand, I wonder if those who are doing some deep-fibbing are really only looking for hook-ups so they think the truth will never come out? What happens when a relationship takes off and your “new partner” thinks you’re 5 years younger than you are…or that you really earn a lot less…or that you’re an alcoholic and none of that was indicated in the Q about drinking?
And, is nothing done to verify that the person is really divorced?
I applaud those who meet someone nice thru online dating, but I can see the risks when you’re meeting someone that you don’t have other means (friends, community, work) to verify whether they are who they say they are…single, age, etc.
When my SIL met her current BF thru Match, it was easy to verify a lot of what he said. His wife’s death was the result of a tragic accident - another boat hit their boat killing her instantly (details easily found online, other boat driver drunk), and the obit listed their children, etc, where they lived, etc. They own a farm which was also in the obit.
I think the stigma is disappearing. We learned that one of my wife’s college roommates (a successful musical theater performer) recently got married to a man she met on eharmony. How did we learn about this? In an article about them in the New York Times.