<p>My kids rooms stayed the same throughout freshman year.<br>
After that we rearranged S1’s room a little to make it more guest friendly. I had him go through his stuff and decide what could be tossed and what should be saved. All the same furniture is still there and the Simpson’s poster and high sch. football jersey are still on the wall. I just moved the bed and got new bed linens.
S2 is just starting soph. yr. He raided his own room by taking his bed and an old recliner to his new off campus rental at school.</p>
<p>We haven’t touched our older daughter’s room. It’s a shrine. I don’t touch anything except to clean it before she comes home. I have been know to lay in her bed when I really miss her, but it was more when she was a freshman.</p>
<p>Her younger sister, on the other hand, is another story. She has regularly gone in her older sister room to go “shopping.” The only thing I ask of her is to return everything before her sister comes home. She has been very good, except once or twice when we have taken pictures of her with her sister’s stuff. Oops.</p>
<p>OP - in my opinion, your father has no business to go in your room. I assume you are a girl? My husband does not go into the girls’ rooms with or without them in there. They would come into our room whenever they want though. They’ll climb into our bed to watch TV. It is especially bothersome to H if they are watching some silly reality shows.:)</p>
<p>My Ds are both in college, or just about to be. THey don’t expect or want their rooms to be shrines, they find that kind of odd to be blunt. THey like the idea of coming back home to a ore sophisticated grown up space. Each room feels like you are in a great hotel. ANd when they come home, there are fresh flowers, their fave chocolates, new linens, and a space that feels more like the young adults they are.</p>
<p>They just don’t get the idea of their stuff being sacrosanct. WHen I go in and rearrange furniture, clear out trophies, they are fine with that. Its us they come home to see, not their stuff. When oldest D went to college, we switched off rooms. Now with being gone, one room is my craft room, with a futon, and other will be a guest room. </p>
<p>Why does the space and furniture need to sit idle? I gave away one of my daughter’s chairs to a friends, D was glad it went to good use. My younger D just told me, whatever I do is fine, so long as she has a place o sleep and someplace to hang her clothes. They both have long a grown their chidhood rooms.</p>
<p>Something else to think about is coming home that often jsut because you can. A little space will be a good thing. And if you come home that many weekends you will miss alot of the college experiences. Just something to think about.</p>
<p>Just to clarify, I’m not going to knock out walls or anything :). I’m talking about getting rid of the desk he never used anyway. I won’t get rid of his bed or even the major furniture because it’s not doing anyone any harm. But, yes, I will get ride of the hideous oil painting on red velvet he rescued from my parents’ trash. I’ve had to look at that damn schooner for most of my life – first in my parents’ living room and now in my ds’s bedroom. Maybe he’ll take it to college!</p>
<p>Youdon’tsay, can you sneak the velvet painting into the car?</p>
<p>We left the kid’s rooms pretty much alone for the first few years. Son eventually took nearly everything and then packed up keepsakes so that we could have a guest room. The walls are still painted the way he did it in high school after taking a Tech Theater class… we just call it “the castle”…
Middle kid left and didn’t set foot back in our state for 4 years, so I finally cleaned it out. Hers was a true shrine - she had every keepsake and award pinned to the walls for years, and it is a large room. The walls needed painting and so I packed everything into boxes and re-decorated. I think it looks sleek and modern, and many of her paintings are on the walls. She thinks it’s empty and foreign-feeling.
The one still in undergrad comes home most vacations and her room is still in the “same but cleaner” phase. Someday that old twin bed will go, but not yet. I figure it’s hers until she doesn’t come home much any more.</p>
<p>OTOH, we have a large house. If DH wants to get away from my music or whatever there’s a big office over the garage. Nobody needs the bedrooms for space. I think that’s what is important.</p>
<p>It’s mostly the same, but not a shrine. S2 is using the desk for projects and practices violin in there now.</p>
<p>We haven’t changed MUCH about S’s bedroom (he’s a college senior) or D’s (she’s a college junior), but we do go in the rooms from time to time. S wishes we would dust/vacuum it more. When D was home (before she transferred to join S), she would use both his room (as her study) & hers as her bedroom. Now that both are gone, we mostly don’t use either of their rooms much.</p>
<p>I did pick up much of the clutter that D left in both rooms but otherwise don’t plan to touch it too much. Did store a bit in S’s room that didn’t fit elsewhere.</p>
<p>TwistedxKiss - my D lives 3000 miles away (and has for the past 3 years, save for 2 weeks vacation a year)…yes, I’ve left her room as she did. I’d love to change it but I know she would be crushed. As it is, she thinks I don’t miss her at all. Couldn’t be further from the truth, but I don’t want my D to feel badly about how I feel…that’s my problem, not hers.</p>
<p>Ask your folks to wait a year before tearing your room apart.</p>
<p>My parents moved after my freshman year and that was that.</p>
<p>My kids’ rooms are shrines–to my utter laziness. When it comes to cleaning out their rooms, manana is too early for me.:(</p>
<p>twisted–your dad sounds like HE is the twisted one. Boundaries anybody? Your mom sounds a little beaten down–JHMO. </p>
<p>To answer your question–barring a serious lack of space, such as a whole lotta kids and not alotta bedrooms, I think a kid’s room should be left more or less alone assuming said kid left it in a reasonable state of cleanliness. If I can house a guest there with no worries, then why mess with things? </p>
<p>Now once you start not coming home in the summer things change quite a bit. DD’s not been home for more than three nights in the last four years, so I encroached. Her pictures and posters and bookshelves are intact, but I put a TV and a desk in there and replaced the bed with a sofa bed. It’s a nice little study now but she can convert it to a bed when she’s here.</p>
<p>Another perspective…S1 went to college about 15 min from home. He said it helped that within about a month of starting school, both of his bedrooms (one at my house and one at his Dad’s) had been re-purposed. It made it less attractive to come home for no good reason just because it was convenient. </p>
<p>Now that S2 has left, I have taken over the entire house and am just completing an extensive remodel (see thread on what to do once you become an empty nester). My sons are always welcome at my home, but they may be sleeping on an aerobed.</p>
<p>Mombot: You are probably right in your assessments of both my parents.</p>
<p>ilovetoquilt22: I commuted to community college for two years, I would rather not come home at all. XD But I am trying to save money so I have something besides debt when I graduate so I am definitely going to be home for summer, and as for the school year I am really not sure how often I’ll even be able to go home for the weekend, I just know that my parents won’t pick me up for anything unless they don’t have to take me back right away and there are a few things I need that I can’t get to without a car-- you’d think living next to Ikea they’d be used to traffic, but for some reason Ann Arbor is still a huge deal. At least for my first semester it’s just very up in the air and it is frightening to imagine not being able to come home if I need to when it’s not as if I have an apartment or anything, I’ve only moved into a dorm!</p>
<p>S only spent 10 days home this summer & will spend 2-3 weeks at Christmas. Not sure when he’ll next spend any extended time in our home, but don’t have any big plans to do much to his room. We have allowed guests to use his room when he isn’t home (& he graciously offers it up sometimes even when he is home). </p>
<p>We want our kids to always feel welcome coming to our home and I know they like us not to move too much around. S wasn’t too happy that I have stored some things in his room but has accepted it since he does recognize we’re here a lot more than he is.</p>
<p>I guess everyone’s different but I don’t understand folks that start ripping up their kids’ rooms unless there is a serious shortage of space in the home, especially when the kids come home with any regularity.</p>
<p>Moved D1 stuff into boxes and D2 moved into her room. We turned D2’s old room into a library. Don’t have a plan for D2’s current bedroom, but have asked her to de-clutter as much as she can before leaving for college.</p>
<p>Since I am an only, they don’t have much need for my room. I told them not to touch a thing (as there is a thing or two I don’t want them to find). They agreed as they believe it is still my room, whether I live there or not.</p>
<p>Twisted- I’m sorry to hear of your worry concerning your room and posessions. Could you have a discussion with your parents to outline some boundaries concerning your dad’s tendancy to claim your things? It sounds as if you’ve worked hard to earn both your room furnishings and your education- it’s time your father respects your ownership. Best of luck in Ann Arbor.</p>
<p>My D got to keep her big bedroom for her freshman year. But last week, before she left for year 2, she swapped rooms with her brother - he was in a much smaller room. She was annoyed at first, but we told her she’ll always have a place to stay - she just can’t hog the larger bedroom. Especially since she’s talking about study abroad next summer.</p>
<p>It seems like this sense of entitlement is more prevalent right now - when I was growing up most people had larger families and smaller houses and couldn’t maintain a shrine.</p>
<p>If your stuff is really special to you, then you should be the one to go and buy the plastic bins/boxes, pack everything up and label it. Maybe that will prevent your Dad from going through your belongings.</p>
<p>FYI…we asked the college KIDS. AND we did what they wanted with their rooms. DS really didn’t care much. He told us to reclaim his room when he was a freshman and couldn’t figure out why we didn’t. Actually…the only reason we DID was that we had furniture from HIS apartment that worked very well in his bedroom…but we had to get rid of the other “stuff” first. He loves his new “Comfort Inn” look room.</p>
<p>OTOH…DD is perfectly happy to have her room remain the same. She doesn’t get here very often from her school and just likes the room the way it is. I suspect that if she comes to live her (for a limited amount of time after college:) ) She will want her room to be “altered” to suit her more adult lifestyle. And unlike her brother, I think SHE wants to be part of the redecorating action. </p>
<p>So…I guess what I would suggest…if it’s possible with your family (no younger sibs dying to finally have their own room…or the BEST room, no need for an additional guest room…etc)…ask your college kiddo their preference.</p>
<p>When my kids aren’t home, I seldom go in their rooms anyway…I don’t really care what’s in there (well…I care if there is food).</p>
<p>It definitely varies from household to household. DS wemt to school across the country. The weekend he moved out three years ago I started on his room. It has become a very nice guest room which he uses when he is here. His personal stuff is either with him or has been boxed up. This fall he is moving into an apartment so will be home even less. He didn’t seem to have any problem with his room not remaining as it was.
DD just left for freshman year. She is four hours away. Will be home for a long summer, etc. I am going to go through and get her personal stuff (pics, etc) that she told me she wanted to didn’t want to take to school organized and boxed. Her bedding and wall decor will lremain because it is decent looking and I don’t want to spend money to replace it. Neither room is a shrine or was left exactly as the children left them.
Agree with thumper, assuming it is possible to leave them alone ask the kid. If another family member needs or wants that space for a study, guest room or just alone time I think they should use it for that purpose.</p>