<p>I was just curious what other families are doing. I am moving out next week and my family seems to think that I don’t need my room anymore because I am going to be gone “FOR MONTHS” when I am in fact only 20 minutes away and will have to come home for the weekend for every doctors appointment, holiday, family party, etc as well as several weeks in December/January, a week in the Spring, and four months in the summer-- not to mention that most of my belongings are not coming to college with me and it has been made clear that I am not expected to get my own place until after graduation. Are you going to be doing anything with your students rooms or are you just leaving them as they are until they get home?</p>
<p>My D is a college senior this year, and her room still looks like she lives there. Although there is a lot less stuff on the floor. 
She is several states away but still comes home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and whatever time she can fit in during the summer.</p>
<p>I think a student still needs their room at home unless, and until, they won’t be returning for holidays and breaks.</p>
<p>We left the rooms the same for the reasons you mentioned plus we don’t need the extra room. What does your family expect you to do when you return for all the breaks - sleep on the couch?</p>
<p>My son’s room is a shrine. However, we do have a guest room and lots of space, so I don’t want to dis your family. We only have one kid also. I can understand you feeling displaced, though.</p>
<p>Mine was kept mostly the same. My mom did take down my horse show ribbons to repaint my walls and didn’t put them back up because “they scratched the walls” but otherwise they left my room as is.</p>
<p>Nope, no shrines. The younger brothers could not wait to get the older one out so that they could get the “good” real estate. But when the last one left, we did not do anything with the bedroom since there was no reason to. She knows it is the guest room while she is gone. At one point, the 2 oldest were sharing what had been the crib room so that those that were still at home could have their turn in the big bedrooms. </p>
<p>So no shrines, but somewhere to sleep when you come home.</p>
<p>Well, my son had the primo walk-out basement bedroom adjacent to the teen hangout family room, and his younger sister thought it was her turn to get that space. She discussed it with him, and he agreed she could have it as long as she promised to keep it looking a whole lot better than her old bedroom.</p>
<p>Then, my husband decided he wanted daughter’s old bedroom for his study. Son now has another bedroom which is really just fine, but I replaced the bed with a futon that folds out to a full-size bed. His books are there, his desk is there, most of his wall decorations are inside a closet now, but he has his own space when he is home–which is not often. He stayed and worked in the city he goes to school in the last two summers, so I really don’t feel too bad about moving him around.</p>
<p>In our case, our kids’ rooms were decorated somewhat conservatively (no rock posters on the walls, etc.) so as long as they had been decluttered and cleaned they could be used as guest rooms and still available unchanged for the kids when they returned. I kept saying I wanted H and I to move into one of the kids’ rooms while they were away so we could totally redo the master bedroom, but we have not yet gotten around to that.</p>
<p>This really should be discussed as a family, IMO. But it’s your parents’ house, after all. You do not own the real estate. Perhaps a parent wants to use one room as a study or sewing room but you could still sleep there when you are back? We have only three bedrooms in our house so every room has been well utilized. It is only now – that D is in grad school (with a lease on an apartment so even during vacations she can stay there) and S is in college – that we have extra space. We knew eventually the kids would leave so refraining from trading up to a bigger house saves us the hassle of downsizing as we approach retirement.
We do hope to make use of the kids’ rooms as guest rooms, etc.</p>
<p>kiddo’s room has remained unchanged though MUCH cleaner.</p>
<p>I can’t wait to get my hands on it!!</p>
<p>We took the room apart to paint … and it hasn’t been re-installed yet. I am thinking of moving the bedding around to make that room more useful as a guest room. Since S1 hasn’t spent more than seven nights in a row there, I think I should be allowed.</p>
<p>Beginning with our oldest, the next child in line moved into her room with its own bathroom. It is the largest of the 3 children’s rooms. The catch was that the person residing in it had to clean the bathroom…and, when their uncle and family visited, that person would have to clean it and move out to the living room for the duration of the visit. ;)</p>
<p>I am with Youdontsay! I cant wait to clean it out of crap I know is crap and he knows is crap (like the 7th grade science kit) and make it look like it was intended to look! Shrine is a bit of an overstatement, but it is him and he surely isn’t taking trophies etc to school with him. He has the biggest of the bedrooms, but since we already have a guest room, it is my feeling you don’t ever want the guests to be TOO comfortable else they stay too long. </p>
<p>Mostly I agree that no one wants to feel displaced until they have a place of their own at the very least. Oldest D now stays in the guest room but she is home but a few days at Christmas some years and a weekend here or there. Mostly we all get together at the lake, which is a generational family house so it’s very personal but not personal. :)</p>
<p>We left kids room as is so they always had them to come back to. Some of Daughters excess stuff migrated into his room. Gradually some of the contents have been gradually taken by them when they moved into apartments. Son’s bed by him. Daughters futon by her, and son’s desk by her (with his ok). Son has not lived here for almost 5 years except for the odd night. I attacked his room a few weeks back when I had a friend coming to stay. There was carpet in there - who knew? Now it is a sort of guest room but with al his star wars stuff still on the wall and until you open the closet door and the contents explode. So progress but a ways to go. I have asked him to go through the clothes and get rid of those he does not want. Will give daughter a couple more years though I doubt she will be here for more than the odd night.</p>
<p>When I go visit my Mum I *still *think of my room as my room. My brother’s room was converted to a den/study so he stays in my room when he visits when I am not there (which is mostly as they are both in England and I am here). He refers to my room as his room. Not!!! (and I am 56 
)</p>
<p>It’s kind of an interesting situation in my family because my parents have deep disagreements about “our” space, and we also all eat, sleep, and live in our bedrooms as if they are apartments-- there really is no communal space that we use besides the kitchen and bathrooms and it has been that way for years. My mom’s feeling is that we do own our rooms even though they own the house until we move out for good because they gave them to us, and that the parents have no right to go in and mess around with anything unless the child has done anything to merit a loss of trust. For example my sister has lost their trust repeatedly by misbehavior and dishonesty and she has her room searched regularly, but I have always been trustworthy and my mom has not set foot in my room uninvited since I was a young child. This is largely how we have lived the last two decades until I’ve started buying myself nice things that my dad likes. My dad goes into my room any time I leave the house for an extended period of time, changes whatever he wants, and throws things around. This past summer I went on vacation with my mom and came home to find he wanted a piece of furniture in my room, so he dumped everything into a heap on the floor and dragged out the furniture without even saying anything to me to let me know about it-- and a lot of my belongings were damaged in the process, and the summer before that he dug through my things to find my laptop to borrow it without asking and put a bunch of crap on it that I had to find a way to clean off. All without so much as a, “hey, I’m doing this, so don’t be surprised when you come home.”</p>
<p>We have no need for a guest room, so that’s not an issue. My mom has told me she might come up here if she wants some privacy or to escape from the rest of the family and I told her she could go into my room whenever she wants, I really don’t mind. I wouldn’t mind my dad either if I didn’t know he can’t be trusted to respect my belongings and my space. Of course I have no choice but to let him anyway without much complaint, but I’m not happy about it. He is giving me the impression that the moment my mom isn’t looking my stuff is going to end up in trash bags in the basement to be destroyed the first time it floods, while he bolts his guitars to the walls and goes in to take whatever he wants from me. It’s just a very unsettling feeling, I am not used to having the sense that I have nothing that cant be violated. </p>
<p>I was just curious what other family’s did because I’d never really considered it before. None of my friends parents have touched their rooms while they’ve been gone but I know it varies widely. Ultimately my parents will do whatever they want and I will just have to deal, and I am okay with that. I only have two years left on my BA anyway. I was just wondering what other parents attitudes were.</p>
<p>DD is a senior in college. Her room looks like it did when she was in high school…but no NEW clutter.</p>
<p>DS recently got his master’s degree and his room has been reclaimed as a guest room. Sold his twin bed and matching bedroom furniture to a neighbor and put in a double bed. Bookshelves are largely unchanged…so it’s still “his” room…but now others can better use it too.</p>
<p>S is starting his junior year in college. This is still his home, and his room is still his room. I have been known to store things (like Christmas gifts) in there when he’s not home, but it’s still HIS room. It stays pretty much the way he leaves it.</p>
<p>I think it may also be worth mentioning, since a lot of you are mentioning clutter in your kids rooms, that my room is completely spotless. Carpet recently shampooed and everything. There is no need for anything to be moved while I am gone unless someone literally starts crawling through my drawers or tearing things off the shelves-- which my dad will do without a second thought. There is a desk, a bed, a television, and a bookcase that anyone could use on the off chance my mom feels like having a guest for the first time in 20 years, or if someone wants to get some peace and quiet. So it is not as if, in my case, I am disappointed that my parents want to go in and make my room more livable so other people can use it on a temporary basis. It is more my parents moving me out while I am gone without telling me that I am worried about. XD</p>
<p>My D’s room remains the same (except as soon as H and I return from the move in this weekend it will get a thorough cleaning and the door will be shut to keep our cat and dog out till Thanksgiving!).</p>
<p>I posted this question last year after my ds left for freshman year. It seemed most people last year were saying they weren’t keeping the room as a shrine. I couldn’t really stomach the idea of deconstructing his room last year. I told him this year I was going to do some purging and he said that was fine. If I move him out, then he has to share a room with a younger brother and it just seems a little impractical when his brothers are so much younger.</p>
<p>In your case, I’d say take all the critical stuff with you, and maybe photograph or list everything else. Could you offer to go through the room with them before you leave? I remember my friend’s older brother did a semester abroad in France, and we thoughtfully used the opportunity to loot his album collection, borrow his t-shirts, and generally use his room as our lounge. He was furious–rightly so–and after that made a numbered index of absolutely everything he owned. Of course, this was two siblings fighting. You’re in a much tougher position with your father. Perhaps you could plead that this is a stressful way for you to have to leave home, and that you’d appreciate it if they could move a little more slowly–perhaps see how much you’re actually home first semester.</p>