Are you ready for some.....retirement?

Parent Cafe
61

I’ve never worked at a job I liked, and DH has been so over his very stressful job for years now. Two years ago, we sold the house we raised kiddo in and bought a new, solar-powered home in a very low cost-of-living area about an hour from our old neighborhood in a beautiful part of the AZ valley. We are mortgage free, tuition free, debt free, and made our retirement number a while ago. At our annual checkup in October, our broker asked us what is keeping us at our desks as our original plan was to step off at the end of this year, but we’ve moved that up to April ’17 when DH turns 60. We have been solidly working this retirement plan for 20 years (14 years with this broker)–mapped out the timeline, put in the milestones, did the work, and crossed the finish line. You’d think we’d be jumping up and down. DH is, I’m not.

I absolutely hate my job, hate working-always have, have never defined myself by my work, and don’t plan to work another day in my life after I step off. So what’s the problem? I’m not mentally ready in a way I never anticipated. I’m struggling with accepting that I’m moving into “that” phase of life. You know, the phase where you are “retired,” the phase where AARP describes you, the phase where you are admitting that you are in your third quarter, the phase where no matter how you occupy yourself (and I have zero concerns about occupying myself), you’ve joined the ranks of a club that doesn’t seem quite as attractive close up as it did at a distance. I know I need to get over this and just be OK with the fact that I AM an aging Boomer. Nothing to be done about that. Continuing to work won’t change that. I haven’t been a kid for a long, long time, but there is a subtle mental shift in how I perceive myself now that I am able to join those ranks. I feel like I’m sitting at the top of a very tall slide that I was so excited about during the climb but, now that I’m sitting here, I don’t want to go down. I do, but I don’t. Don’t push me.

Then, in addition to my ridiculous inability to come to terms with my age, I’m also struggling with voluntarily turning off the cash flow. We allowed our son to attend a pricey boarding school as a full-pay student, and those four years were very lean for us as we’ve reached our retirement goals very methodically and by being very frugal over a very long period of time. Those tuition payments weren’t easy for us. Now he’s at a service academy, so we do not have a college obligation and, for the first time in our lives, our income is all ours with very few expenses. So, I’m thinking perhaps we should just enjoy this situation and suck up the jobs for a while longer. DH is NOT on the same page there and is absolutely going to retire at the end of April. Me working while he doesn’t isn’t a good scenario because he wants us to go out and play. He has been on the road for the past 17 years, and he’s looking forward to us both being free and unencumbered to reconnect and just enjoy.

I know no one is crying for me; this is not a bad place to be. It was the “are you ready” part of this thread title that attracted me because I thought all I needed to be was financially ready. That has turned out not to be the case. I guess I need to get that book.

62

Don’t join AARP…I didn’t. And I don’t think I’m missing a thing.

63

One of my issues is that I like to buy things. I like clothes, running shoes, jewelry, makeup etc. I’m not extravagant, but I do like to buy new things. I make enough money to support that, and we certainly have taken advantage of my deferred comp plan, stock purchase plan and other savings, but I like the idea of income coming in.

64

I don’t plan to. That’s one card I CAN leave home without.

65

@ChoatieMom Just change the label. Instead of calling yourself a “retiree” call yourself a hedonist. :smiley:

Life is to short to work at a job you hate if you don’t have to. Enjoy the time with your husband once he retires. I bet you’ll feel a real weight off your shoulders once you unshackle yourself from spending so much time every day/week at a job you truly don’t enjoy.

66

“Don’t join AARP…I didn’t. And I don’t think I’m missing a thing.”

We got some good hotel deals because we belonged to both aarp and aaa.

67

My H really loves working, but wants to have flexibility to take the consulting jobs he wants to once retired so we can take longer trips between jobs. My job now is not stressful at all and I love the staff which makes the work easy. I worked very part time when my girls were younger and have only been back full time since 2009.

When we met with our financial planner last month one of the things he told us was to keep traveling now and not to wait until we retire. Last year we took a big trip to Europe in the fall as well as several smaller trips. This fall we took a big trip to Asia. Next summer we are going to Bermuda for the America’s Cup. We take a couple of trips to ski each winter and a lot of long weekend driving or flying trips each year.

I also like the freedom to be able to buy things, travel and do things to our home that comes with our current level of income. If we retire too early I also worry about running out of money. Our financial planner says that we are on track to retire in 6 years when H is 65.

68

@DocT I crunched those discount deals. I’m a member of a couple of professional organizations, and AAA. I get BETTER discounts though them than AARP.

I get at least one “membership card and mailing” per month from AARP. There is no way to stop their endless spam. Yes, they are fine for some people…but not my cup of tea.

69

Neither H nor I am a member of AARP, but S ( who is 20) joined for discounts on airline tickets. I admit that I read his AARP magazine when it comes to our house.

70

@ChoatieMom …you were very eloquent in describing how I, and many, feel. I could not have said it any better. I think that is definitely one of the reasons I like working PT…it makes me still feel youthful and active. That last third of life thing bugs me. My peers who still work relate better to me that I still have a foot in that world. My retired or SAHM friends relate better because I’m off a lot of the time and can “lunch” and go to movies on a Tuesday, etc. it makes me feel vital.

If I hated my job, as you do yours…I wouldn’t be so hesitant though. Can you not do something PT? I swear it’s the best of both worlds. Like many I line buying things. I’m not a soendthrjft, but if I see a pair of shoes or counter makeup, I don’t want to always like I’m using DH’s money. He has never made me feel like that, and I have a healthy 401k of my own…but I still feel it.

71

I “retired” with all my medical stuff twice over the past 14 years, and am now working three half days/week at my synagogue. My former boss offered me a job in pension/communications consulting, I tried it, but did not like getting back on that wheel of stress. I’m getting paid diddly at the synagogue, but I have friends there and it is work with meaning. I do miss being able to take off to visit my dad, see friends and go quilt shopping usually while DH is traveling overseas. I have a lot of hobbies, some tied to volunteer work, cardiac rehab, friends online and IRL (and some who are both), and while my earnings are puny, at least I add something to the collective kitty.

It’s DH I’m worried about. He’s a senior federal govt executive, has no hobbies besides reading, no physical activities he participates in, no friends outside of work. He’s very fixed in his ways (that’s an understatement!). He says he never wants to retire. My feeling is that his ego is so totally tied to his work that it’s impossible for him to imagine another way of life. It’s what got him out of poverty and a terrible childhood and he has that survival instinct so ingrained that to not be working equals death. I think that like ChoatieMom, he’s looking at life from the top of the roller coaster and not wanting to go down the hill – and realizing for him, that it will likely be a fast, quick drop to the end.

We both like travel, but even then he’s working while we’re on the road. Leisure is such an abstract construct to him.

We’re both 55 and not done yet, but I would like to help him begin to imagine a life that doesn’t involve 70 hours a week in the office!

72

One of my high school friends, when speaking of retirement, said that he hasn’t had so much fun since he was five years old.

73

H and I are both eligible for retiree medical from our employer. Assuming they don’t cancel it, we will be set with excellent policies at reasonable prices until we are eligible for Medicare.
Since the company eliminated this benefit for employees hired after a certain date, we hope we’ll be ok.

74

‘How to make your money last’ book I am reading from above @ Sammy the dog recommendation. It is very good.

75

The more I read of classmates and classmates’ spouses passing away (one posted on Facebook today) the more the need to enjoy quality of life while we have it is painfully clear.

76

No, I am not ready. I am very privileged - I work my dream job. I know that I’ll never again become as good at doing anything else in my life - this was a very long road. I like to be challenged and pushed to my limits, this keeps my brain from rotting away and makes me feel young. I’ll never again have the resources and the infrastructure to do anything so meaningful and satisfying. I like feeling valued and appreciated. I like the people, the pay and 6 vacation weeks that come with seniority. I do have life outside of my job. I travel, exercise, entertain, meet with friends, I even have enough time to waste on internet. I cannot think of a single positive change that would come with retirement, and luckily it’s not on the horizon.

I do realize that I am very lucky to have a very sheltered professional life at a great company that cares about its people. One day everything may change for professional, health or personal reasons. But not today.

77

I have to admit to being real curious what some of your occupations are that are either so satisfying (like #75) or unsatisfying!

78

It does make you wonder. Some jobs sound so great that it’s obvious that one should stay in them. Other people sound so miserable that it seems like if they are financially able, there is NO reason good enough to stay in them!
It would be interesting if much of this was analyzed…what jobs do people love and want to stay forever, and what jobs do people absolutely hate? Then again, much of it can be environment or personal preference.

79

The problem for me was that I fell into a technology job right out of college that paid well, and I never left because the money was too good. I was never mistreated and several of my current co-workers are our best friends. But I was never interested in technology and have found the work to be soul sucking. If I could have come up with something that appealed to me, I probably would have changed tracks even for less money but nothing else ever seemed any better and there came a point of no return. I’ve simply seen work as a means to an end–retirement.

80

“The problem for me was that I fell into a technology job right out of college that paid well, and I never left because the money was too good”

The old golden handcuffs. :wink: