ChoatieMom, I have never read a post of someone who so needed to retire! You need to figure out a way around this. It sounds like you are so used to suffering and being miserable, that you can’t find a way past it. You have the numbers, you are debt free, you hate your job, and you find it soul sucking. Work as means to an end–retirement! You’re there.
It is very common that people die in my job, soon after retirement. It’s not the retirement that causes it, but the years of stress on the body. I can’t imagine how stressful it would be to do something you hated, that has got to take years off your life. Don’t be one of those people who finally gets around to retiring, and then dies soon after, without getting to enjoy it. Find a way to retire with your husband, and enjoy your life while you can!
My (younger) brother retired this past June, and he said something that resonates with me, “Sis, I don’t know how many years I have left, but I’m pretty sure these earlier years will be better than those last years.” I don’ t want those golden handcuffs to become a golden coffin. It really is time for me to move on, but I’m not doing it very gracefully.
Now that sounds like a really good idea! Especially around April, when your husband retires. Give it a try, and see how you adapt, if you have that option.
As I mentioned earlier in the thread a guy I flew with had 80 days off over the summer, and decided to retire when it almost made him sick to go back to work. It became an obvious decision for him. However, he did get to fly with me, and that can’t be so bad, can it? We had a great time.
@ChoatieMom : If you hate your job so much but have the numbers to retire, just leave your job and get another one, completely different. Stock shelves at night at CVS. Work at the deli counter in your supermarket. Become a school bus driver. Or a crossing guard.
Well, I’m a lawyer, which is a profession rated among the highest in dissatisfaction with one’s job. I made a wise choice right out of law school to go in-house (not work for a law firm) and I’'ve spent my entire career working for a number of different corporations- many industry leaders- usually as the Asst. GC. Except for 2 stints as General Counsel of smaller, bad companies, all my companies were ethical, interesting and well-known. I learned so much. One of my bosses described our role as in-house counsel (not mega-legal departments) as being the “country doctors of the legal profession.” You have to know enough about everything to know when to bring in the specialists. I have been on many manufacturing floors, helped start a prominent trade association, learned how to install garage doors and truck doors, visited chicken hatcheries, been to business meetings at a deer camp as well as dealing with government agencies and employees at every level. The variety of my work has been incredible. The stuff that most lawyers hate to do, I hire outside counsel all over the country to do!
Even now, in my final job (and best), when I get up in the morning I never know what awaits me in my job. I think that is a key thing to keeping it interesting. Another key thing is I love my co-workers. Our legal department is small and wonderful and our boss is the best ever! We go to lunch, we laugh, we help each other. We moved into a beautiful new corporate office 2 years ago which isn’t over the top (that isn’t the nature of our company), but has everything we need, including trees all around and a fitness center. Our management goes beyond what you would imagine to do what is right for our customers. We deal with both serious and hilarious issues every day. It is not easy in many cases. I have to make decisions that can cost people their jobs or not let the business do something they really want to do. I deal with some jerks outside of the company.
I get to go to conferences with other lawyers at really fun, beautiful places and meet great people. I have many lawyer friends dating all the way back to the beginning of my career. I smile when I pull into the parking lot in the morning. I get to talk sports, commiserate over family issues and laugh with intelligent, fun people.
There are days I wish I didn’t have to get up and go. I wish I didn’t have to do my running at 6 am. I wish I had more vacation. The nature of my job is such that I can’t put it down- not on vacation or in the evenings. It’s not a burden. I can do what I need to do and still have my non-work life.
I’m sharing this just as an example of what might make someone not want to walk away. I’ve had jobs that weren’t like this. I’ve had scary, jerky bosses (not many) and been at a couple of dysfunctional companies. But this one is truly one of the best companies in our country and I’m very, very lucky.
@MomofWildChild, you ARE very fortunate. Thanks for posting that; it’s uplifting. It’s nice to hear from people who enjoy going to work every day. I’m sure you’re fun to work with, too.
@doschicos: Funny you should mention a sabbatical. DH is doing just that, starting at the end of April to see if what he really needs is just a battery recharge. His company would like to keep him and will do anything to see if they can get him to hang on for just a while longer. He’s pretty sure he won’t go back, but he wants to stay on good terms as he might want to do some freelance consulting in the future. He doesn’t hate his work. He just needs to get rid of the stress. He hasn’t had a real vacation in 17 years (thus, neither have I). My company just merged with a giant a couple of months ago. I’m hanging on through Q1 just to see if they’ll offer the voluntary separation package my company offered to employees over 55 at the start of each year; benefits are still being negotiated. I will not be there after April.
@VeryHappy: I don’t ever want/need to work again, so no need to stock shelves. The issue is mental, and I suppose I have a bit of (hormonal?) depression as I’m also going through “that” phase as well.
I appreciate everyone’s suggestions. I will be retiring soon, and I’m looking forward to having time for a couple of hobbies I enjoy and more time for the people who matter most in my life. It’s the transition that is causing me grief, kinda like the point at which you realized your parenting role changed when your child launched. Oh yeah, I’m going through that, too.
You’ll make an excellent transition. A few days of, “What do I do now?” and then you’ll have a new, exciting, relaxing routine in place. I’ve been there. A new normal takes a little time, but not all that much.
@ChoatieMom , no vacation in 17 years! No wonder you are stressed! Change that around right now! A week away does a world of good.
I very much can relate to @ChoatieMom and the whole idea of entering that 3rd phase of life not really feeling desirable - feeling sort of like it’s an “end” - not in a good way! I still equate working with being more with it, viable…YOUNG.
I think it depends on the people around you. And how they treat retirement. My H retired two weeks ago. I don’t know how many people have told me “let him do nothing!” - “the great thing about retirement is sitting in a chair and watching the world go by” - UGH. That is all describing exactly the picture of retirement that turns me off!
Also the whole idea of retiring together - a negative for me! I love my H but for us - not for others, I know - the idea of being both home, both not working sounds like a recipe for disaster - right now. I like to be very active - H does not. I think I would go batty knowing how much he is NOT doing. Retirement also brings up a difficult scenario for us - he is sort of content to be that “older, retired person”. I am not. We are only 2 weeks into it and only time will tell how this works out in our relationship. We will work it out, but right now, I think it is a good thing I am still working and still have a few years of work ahead of me. There is a tinge of jealousy for his free time - mostly because I see him “wasting” free time that I would love to have a pinch of.
abasket, you are reminding me of my dear departed aunt’s take on retirement, said with a hint of displeasure, “Half the income, twice the husband”.
Regarding AARP, agree or not with some of their lobbying positions, their publications are a wealth of information on many detailed aspects of retirement. I find them very useful as I figure out the details of this phase of life, though agree that the AAA discounts are more valuable.
My mom retired 16 years ago at 58 from a 35 year government job here in California with a good pension. My dad continued to work as a teacher for high school kids in the juvenile court system. My mom is very active and has a walking group she walks with 5 days a week. She also decided she wanted to learn to play bridge when retired so she does that twice a week. She also watches her 13 month old granddaughter 2 half days a week now along with volunteering at an elementary school reading program and quilting with a group at a local church. Her life has been full since retiring.
My dad retired 8 years ago, so my mom was well into her routine. She told him that when he retired he needed to find activities to keep busy because she wasn’t going to change what she was doing to accommodate him. My dad is not as active as my mom (he has some bad back issues), but he enjoys volunteering at the local humane society both working with dogs and in their thrift store as well as playing bridge a couple of times a week (only once with my mom!). They love to travel and spent 6 weeks last summer driving across the country and back. Next year they have 2 Hawaii trips planned as well as an Alaskan cruise and visiting my mom’s family for a month in the summer on the east coast. I look at them as a great example of how a couple can retire and be together, but also continue to do things on their own.
As a 56-year-old single parent with a kid still in college, retirement is, sadly, on a very far horizon. I have a stressful, but rarely boring, career as a journalist. I can’t imagine not working in some capacity, but would love to have it be much more on my terms rather than my micromanaging boss’s. At the same time, I’ve been in my current job for 17 years and just don’t know if I have it in me to ramp up a job search and sell myself to another employer. Just typing that is exhausting! One saving grace is that my office is very near my home, so I don’t have to deal with my city’s infamous traffic.
I have some side jobs that I hope will at some point be my extra income producers when I retire. I’m worried about what may happen with Social Security under the new administration. As it is, I have to wait till I’m 67 to get the full amount.
With the daylight as short as it is this time of year, I would love to be able to be out in it during the day rather than leaving home soon after the sun is up and getting home when it’s pitch dark. But that’s not going to happen anytime soon.
^^^My DH would be witting in the recliner reading, and would be unhappy that I’m out the door going to live my life. That’s the part that scares me. I don’t want to be stuck at home keeping him amused!
MOWC, DH is chief counsel at a fed agency and feels much the way you do about his job. He used to be an accountant and financial systems analyst, and loves being able to combine all those things with regulatory work. He gets to make policy, travel and work with a great group of folks. He doesn’t like the law firm life – he tends to look more like Rumpole than a K Street partner, and likes being the subject matter expert vs. a manager. While he could leave tomorrow and triple his salary, he’s content where he is (despite the 70 hour weeks). He also does the 24/7 thing and does calls from home, on vacations, etc. I just worry he’s going to drop dead before he ever retires.
H loved his job for most of his 45 years. As there were more and more funding cuts, he ended up doing more and more folks jobs as the left due to retirement or transfers. Finally at age 70, he had enough and it was the sweet spot in his salary being the highest it was getting for a long time and his pension maxing out, so he decided it was time to leave. They begged him to return for 6 months to train folks to do his job, so he did. They have asked him to meet for lunch from time to time when they are stuck with something but mostly muddle on. He loved that he got training with his workplace and had a lot of autonomy.
I created a nonprofit that I run 10 years ago. I enjoy it and do as much or little as I want. It has allowed me to travel, meet national and international leaders in the field, attend national conferences, speak at international events and serve the people of our state. I’ve gotten to know a lot of public health and healthcare folks and scientists whom I’ve never known before. The pay was enough to help pay for my kids college expenses when they were in college but is a pittance now because I don’t enjoy grantwriting. All in all, I am very content with what I do.
H retired fully a bit over 3 years ago. We thought we’d have a significant drop in income and get in each other’s hair, since I mainly work out if my home but really it’s been fine and we enjoy spending more time together. To us, it was key to finish paying for the kids college and our mortgage before H retired. It gave us great peace of mind and lowered our non discretionary expenses tremendously.
I am an almost 66-year old college professor, and my wife has only a part-time job. Since I am working in a “directional” state university, there is not much research pressure, and as a result my work is quite easy. In addition, there are so many breaks per year, so I don’t see any reason to retire any time soon.
Although I had been complaining about the low academic salary, when I looked at recently the estimated amount of monthly TIAA pension plus social security (assuming that I retire at 75), it was substantially more than my current income. It seemed to me a little too good to be true. Is this normal?
I have two jobs - a full-time day job as a research chemist and a part-time evening job as a chemistry instructor. On paper, my full-time job seems ideal: low-stress, decent pay, excellent benefits, interesting work (and a sweetheart of a boss who is semi-retired and never around.) The bad thing is, it’s still a job and I’m just ready to be done with it.
I am ready to stay up late reading and then sleeping in the next day; I am itching to travel more but commute less. I want to spend more time with my daughter, indulge in my hobbies, and volunteer more. In other words, I have no problem figuring out what to do with my time.
I am 57 and my H is 60; he is seriously thinking about cutting back to 80% time and just working four days a week. We are also considering moving closer to our only child once we retire so that we can see her and our as-yet-unconceived grandchildren. We still like each other okay, so I think we’d be okay with “half the income, twice the husband” (love that, great lakes mom). I’d at least like to give it a try!
My big stumbling block is health insurance. If the ACA is recalled or repealed, then I may be uninsurable (due to a pre-existing condition.) I may need to keep working for the health care alone…
SYM yes it is possible to have retirement income greater than work year income.
That will be my situation. I have 37 years in the pension system and will most likely work 6 or 7 more years. My pension and social security will be higher than my current income
