<p>Before you know it youll also be the money tree of relatives who are in a big bind. I advise you to be careful in sharing certain FB or instagram photos too because your vaycays, dining and shopping events may be misconstrued by your parents and other relatives that youre bringing in the big bucks and can spare a huge change. You do not need to hire a financial planner for them. You can buy them financial planning software and its easy enough to learn. Let them enter their income and expenses. If, as you said, they are running an annual negative balance for the past years then let the software tell them that their investments are depleted by 2014(?) prompting them to drastically reduce their expenses. But then again they might laugh at it and say YOLO. If that happens, just rant here and well commiserate with you.</p>
<p>I have ZERO expectations of my kids funding my retirement. Your parents’ irresponsibility and sense of entitlement is astounding.</p>
<p>You have received very good advise, especially from Batlo and Busdriver11. One thing you have to decide right now is what you would do IF your parents or other relatives would use your ID to open up accounts. Would you prosecute, or would you pay it off? I would subscribe to one of the credit monitoring services. This is very serious stuff.</p>
<p>Desperate people do desperate things, and most of the time they think that they can get away with it. Of course, they probably think you wouldn’t turn them in. I would turn anyone in if they used my information fraudulently.</p>
<p>Good luck. You have many years of worrying about all of this. Learn from your parents. If you do just the opposite, just think of all of the money you can have when you reach their age.</p>
<p>I posted a piece from the WSJ on this last month I believe and this is something new. What most states don’t like is the parents giving their kids their assets before the period where the assets aren’t protected.</p>
<p>If there were more, then we might have parents and kids opening trusts to protect assets.</p>
<p>In answer to your question - heavens, NO!</p>
<p>One of the things for which I am very grateful is that my dad was such a careful financial planner. He also took steps to limit his financial exposure should he and my mom need skilled nursing care. I know he believed my mom would need a memory support placement at some point (although he is the one in skilled nursing) and so he chose a continuing care retirement community with a lifecare plan. The plan hasn’t been perfect, but they will be well cared for without depleting all of their savings. </p>
<p>As my D considers grad programs I have told her that at this stage of our lives we will help as much as we can without risking our own financial security. I want to know that we will not be a financial or emotional burden on our Ds.</p>
<p>Well, I guess I know what I will never joke about again!!! I hope my kids know they were jokes but I will make sure they know it now.</p>
<p>We would absolutely never expect our children to take care of us financially. Fortunately we are in good shape for retirement. If parents are financially stressed due to unemployment or illness, I would expect their children to help them out, if they are able to do that, but not if the parents have been irresponsible.</p>
<p>I also believe that parents should help their children as much as possible to pay for college, even if the amount that they are able to contribute is small. I know parents who allow their kids to take out loans to pay for their full tuition. I don’t get that.</p>
<p>Haha, I wish. Although my husband has told my daughters that when they are truly rich, he doesn’t mind if they buy him a vineyard. But having said that I know families that are like the OP.</p>
<p>Ha! I will be happy when I am no longer suffering “outgo” from my kid.</p>
<p>EPTR, Good call about joking. My inlaws made lots of jokes about this kind of thing, never sat well because they had some money but were not wealthy and were not particularly generous while alive. The MIL (who I loved) at almost 92 died last month and could barely cover final expenses. It is getting very common for folks to outlive their means.
Always assure your kids you have taken care to support yourself in old age as best you can, don’t joke about finances or withhold details.</p>
<p>As parents of an newly launched, self supporting grad, we are thrilled we get to keep our previous ‘outgo’ each month. It is noticeable (and surprising) just how many $$$ had been diverted to son for insurance, food, car, etc.
With him financially independent, it’s like we’ve gotten a huge raise!</p>
<p>So, NO, he will not be supporting us in retirement. Now if I can explain and encourage HIM to save for his OWN retirement, we’ll all be in better shape.</p>
<p>How a parent could put an imposition or expectation like that on their child is beyond me. Time for them to smell the coffee and get their heads on straight. You can love them and be kind to them, but the expectation to fund them is out of the question!</p>
<p>It cracks me up when my older one tells his little sister to let him know if she needs money. I don’t think he thinks we are very good money managers. When he is here he is just disgusted by what he terms our “excess”. </p>
<p>It would be truly a nightmare if I ever needed to depend on this kid. He’s sweet but too judgmental.</p>
<p>My parents were always very secretive about anything to do with their finances. Right up until the day my dad died, we really didn’t know whether my mom would have sufficient funds to live on. I think part of that is a generational thing. Fortunately, now that my mom is alone, she is much more forthcoming. </p>
<p>I agree that it is healthy for parents to communicate with their grown kids about their finances so that the kids know that they are taking care of things. My oldest D and I had a long talk a few weeks ago about how we have survive by living within our means, saving for retirement, etc. She was shocked to hear that a large portion of my salary goes to college tuition and vowed to start a college fund for her, as yet, unborn children immediately, lol. I did not discourage that!</p>
<p>Open communication is healthy. Money matters should not be taboo as they were in my household as a child.</p>
<p>I see a similar sentiment, with parents who won’t help their kids financially for college but spend all kinds of $ on themselves. We have an acquaintance whose family income is slightly less than ours, but has already talked with their only child daughter (grade 4) about only looking at “state schools”. He loves to “jab” my D & my wife & I, about the cost of her Ivy league school. However he can have the Country Club membership & take a golfing trip to Scotland!</p>
<p>^^^^
Yes! This makes me crazy! I try not to be judgmental but it is hard not to be. I don’t know how they rationalize their behavior. One couple that I know will say that it should be the child’s responsibility so that they are invested in their education. I think that’s rationalization. yes, they should contribute enough that they feel the value of each and every class…but the whole nut?! No. Not if mom and dad are driving nice cars and eating at fancy restaurants. When Junior defaults on those loans, we will ALL be taking care of the problem out of our pockets.</p>
<p>Agree that financial communication is a healthy thing. I remember when I was headed to college, my parents involved me in the finances of the house. I am doing that now with my DS who wants to major in Finance. I am asking his advice on retirement options and will turn over the management of my stock account. </p>
<p>I do tell my kids what I want from them when they make their money. It’s a great dream, but I do want to be involved in their lives and helping as needed. </p>
<p>One of the best times of my young adult life was having my mom stay with me after my father died. I wish now I would have told her how much I appreciated her helping with the kids. I did help her out financially then, but I never complained to her about it. She died 10 years ago and I would give anything to have her here with me still. She was such an incredible impact to my young children that I still see how both parents influence in them today.</p>
<p>Do I spend to much now, yes. But we also pay for DS’s college education. I am praying that DD gets a really good scholarship. I spend the bulk of my money on these two incredible people. When the economy tanked four years, we stopped going on great trips. The only trips were college visits except this past May we splurged on a trip to Cancun. Travel is the one luxury that has hopefully enhanced my children lives. </p>
<p>So to answer the original question…I hope our retirement planning will be sufficient. If not, I hope my children will help where they can. I want to be a part of their lives and help them with my time. I only pray that I will have a 10th of the influence in my grandchildren lives.</p>
<p>So OP, stop worrying about supporting your parents beyond your means. Help as needed because you love them.</p>
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<p>I send out a budget, income statement and balance sheet from time to time (maybe once or twice a year).</p>
<p>My inlaws sound like OP’s folks. It drives me crazy. We pay some of the expenses on their summer place even though they have 2 pensions, full social security, and amazing retiree health benefits. They choose to stay in a huge home with high property taxes, drive two new cars, eat out all the time, etc., but we have to pay for their travel to us and for the cottage. We are blessed with two good jobs, so we are the money bags in their eyes (ha!). I really wish we had set our boundaries from day one. Hubby has a hard time saying “no” to them. I truly believe some people are just “takers” and that is my inlaws. </p>
<p>I will be happy to have my kids financially independent from us and saving for their OWN retirement in a few years. I would never take a dime from either one of them!</p>
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<p>BCEagle … you send this to your kids?</p>
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<p>Yes. My guess is that they ignore this stuff.</p>