<p>My children are the reason I may not HAVE a retirement! :)</p>
<p>^ post of the day!</p>
<p>Momofwildchild indeed gets my vote for post of the day.</p>
<p>Ditto. Gets my vote too.</p>
<p>I agree that you should hide your financial info & put a credit alert on your credit so your folks don’t try to capitalize on your credit. It sounds like they have made a LOT of bad choices. Would let them know as clearly as possible that your loans, getting a place of your own, retirement planning and other expenses will consume your finances. IF they are interested, here are two potential resources that Suze Orman vouched for:</p>
<p>Counseling Services</p>
<p>National Foundation for Credit Counseling
(800) 388-2227
[National</a> Foundation for Credit Counseling](<a href=“http://www.nfcc.org%5DNational”>http://www.nfcc.org)
Also known as Consumer Credit Counseling Service (CCCS)
Based on your area code, your phone call will automatically be plugged into the NFCC office nearest you. </p>
<p>Debtors Anonymous
Debtors Anonymous General Services
P.O. Box 920888
Needham, MA 02492-0009</p>
<p>Debtors Anonymous is a 12 step spiritual self-help fellowship, modeled upon Alcoholics Anonymous. For information about the DA program and groups in your area, contact the General Service Office, 781-453-2743 (all calls are confidential) or [Debtors</a> Anonymous - Recovery from Compulsive Debt](<a href=“http://www.debtorsanonymous.org%5DDebtors”>http://www.debtorsanonymous.org).</p>
<p>Good luck! We are trying to figure out how we can help our kids have a place to live in HI after they start their careers. Their incomes likely won’t be enough to buy a place in our state–real estate prices are stratospheric. We are NOT expecting them to help us in any way in retirement and they will not have any debt upon college graduation.</p>
<p>Here is a link to state filial responsibility laws, for OP & others.</p>
<p><a href=“http://law.psu.edu/_file/Pearson/FilialResponsibilityStatutes.pdf[/url]”>http://law.psu.edu/_file/Pearson/FilialResponsibilityStatutes.pdf</a></p>
<p>I am relieved to see that our state is not on that list, but do have a friend who is constantly being expected to help bail out her relatives/in-laws who had not made good choices and constantly low on funds. It grates on her, as this has been on-going for decades now. She wants them to have consequences for their choices but MIL will guilt her husband until he caves & is the “good son,” helping out the relatives. Not sure if the other relative who is a dentist is similarly guilted but suspect so. :(</p>
<p>In our extended family, am glad that my sibs and we are all doing OK financially, as our my folks. I know that one sib is always complaining as to how they have no retirement, but she has NO JOB & quit the job she did have. I think she’s planning to get my folks to leave their assets to her! I’ve told my folks that her house is easily worth several million & it could easily be their retirement nest egg.</p>
<p>“I am a little appalled that someone with means choosing to send their child to a state school is being mentioned alongside the type of parents being discussed in the OP as if they are even slightly the same.”</p>
<p>… in my original example, it is the broader concept of already limiting your willingness to financially contribute to your child’s (at the age 10) future, but not be willing to limit spending on yourself & then let it be known that you think that those who do are not wise. Nothing wrong with a state school, in fact that is where my D probably would have ended up if not accepted at her “dream school” . Perhaps this isn’t the best example & one where the parents refused to help pay at all for college (I’ve also seen this, even though they had a summer cottage, boat, etc.) would be more parallel to the original post, regarding selfishness.</p>
<p>One of my old friends used to say that everyone spends money differently. AND it is really no one else’s business whether parents of means want to cough up the quarter-million for an undergraduate degree. I think it is crazy to spend that much money unless you are super rich. We are comfortable, not independently wealthy. </p>
<p>Blowing it all and expecting others to help out when there is no money is something else completely, but saving it should pay off for the kids.</p>
<p>I have heard of a young married man who eats dinner at his mama’s home every night & gives her his paycheck every day. He lives in a house that his wife bought & live offer their salary. He & mama say that he owes her for all the years mama supported him. Can’t understand why anyone would marry into that situation–not my idea of wedded bliss.</p>
<p>There are a LOT of young adults with LOTS of debt. It’s a good idea for young couples to have a good understanding of each other’s financial situation, as well as spending habits, goals & aspirations BEFORE they get too committed. Just saying–better to have eyes wide open than be ambushed.</p>
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<p>This we can agree on. However, I have read posts on CC many times from people who said that in their families, it was never anticipated that parents would pay for college at all. Those posters related how they worked, got scholarships, student loans to make it happen, with no apparent resentment towards their parents at all. In their “culture,” it was assumed that parents got their kids to the age of majority (18), and the adult child was responsible for themselves from then on.</p>
<p>When I was that age, it was feasible to put oneself through college. I think it is far less feasible today as even state tuition is expensive. Lacking a full ride, it would be much more difficult for the average kid to put himself through college; thus the sense that parents who could fund college but don’t are either negligent or selfish.</p>
<p>The states with filial duty info is interesting. So my parents wouldn’t pay a dime for my college, instead they chose to refurnish their 5 bedroom home, and have serious shopaholic tendencies buying lots of crap they can’t afford, and now I see per Va law I would be responsible for nursing home bills because they won’t have funds for that but I might???</p>
<p>What about the relative who complains about how poor they are, while they live in a multi-million dollar home, drive brand new luxury vehicles, send their kids to private schools, have only one income (other quits job), dines out regularly, joins country club, goes on great vacations with cruises & lots of plane fare but has NO retirement and is scared of becoming impoverished in their late 50s? How should we feel sorry for these types of people? I don’t get it.</p>
<p>Filial duty is probably premised on the idea that SOMEONE needs to pay the bills & if there is someone who has a better opportunity to step forward that the state & taxpayers, it is better for the state treasury. I don’t know & it surely isn’t fair to individuals whose families make poor choices. What if they decide to extend it to ANY known relatives?</p>
<p>Also, if you move out of state, can you be governed by the state laws where your spendthrift relatives live rather than the state where you choose to reside?</p>
<p>The filial law stuff is new and I think that it’s more to recover state funds for medicare/caid (don’t recall which).</p>
<p>MomofWildChild:
I feel the same way.
By the time we’re done paying kids through college, we won’t be able to retire ever.</p>
<p>Makes sense to me that the law is trying to recoup money from kids. Parents MAY have transferred their property to said kids just outside the “look back” window that is generally used to determine Medicaid eligibility. Still, it is a huge net and can also tip responsible adults into very bad situations based on poor decisions made by their parents.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, ultimately SOMEONE or MANY SOMEONES have to pay for bills that indigents have run up & can’t pay. Is it fairer for state/nation/society to share those costs or have people with at least SOME blood relationship pay a larger share of those costs?</p>
<p>So which is of higher priority? Your children’s education or your retirement?
Different people will have different answers.</p>
<p>My dad is in his 80s & continues to work. His uncle was still working in his 90s & died at around 107. Maybe dad plans to follow in his footsteps? At least they earn more than they spend & are enjoying life and live very comfortably, so it’s a relief to me/us in the extended family.</p>
<p>A quarter million for each kid, sad part is that this is after tax money, which means that you need to earn 400k for each child’s college. x2, we definitely won’t be able to retire. I’m not even counting on professional school cost whic they have to borrow.</p>
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<p>But what if you are unable to work at some point? What will happen then?</p>
<p>That’s the difficult part. Can you apply for disability at age 70?</p>